very upset...long post... [update]

i'm sorry sweetie

Unless his parents are elderly or sick and need constant help - there is no reason a 24yo should be living with his parents.

I hope you can work this out soon.

his mom only strengthens the umbilical cords

the house is rent-free...no one is going to move there, its fully furnished....but he just cant move out of his house...he feels like im asking him to cut all ties with his parents

today he goes...' why are you making me choose between my family and you' ...

I never said to do that, i dont even hint at that, i told him we would even spend WEEKEND there...with his parents if he REALLLy want too...

so last night he was just like ok we can move...

Monday, Tue, WEd, we can live at our new house and Thur- Sunday we can live at my parents house... WTH i said NO way..i cant move my stuff back and forth alll day, long i have these heavy law books...and tons of clothes...i cant be divided between houses...and he said i was uncomprimising??? i dont get it...

No offense, but you two seem to have a lot of issues. I feel bad for you--- you post a lot about what IMO are absolutely CRAZY issues that your husband puts you through. I can not for the life of me understand how a grown man would not want to live in a house (not to mention at NO cost) with his WIFE!

i think you two need to seriously sit down and talk. and even if he does agree to move out of his parents house, the fact that that option was not a no-brainer for him, points to him having serious issues about how he values you and the marriage.

GOOD LUCK!

If he called you then go home and the two of you be together and TALK about what happened. Tell him this was the last time it will happen next time he wont be so lucky!!!

Good Luck, its tough situation that you are in but if you are willing to try and make it work then dont lose it just yet

I have to agree with the previous poster. I actually was going to say that I remember you posting before your wedding about serious issues you two had. You werent sure if you were going to og through with the wedding. I strongly urge the TWO of you to get help immediately. It appears that you two have serious issues that may require an outside party to mediate. Flame away- this is just an outsiders point of view.

I know what I am about to say may seem harsh but it's the truth. If your DH cares about the marriage he would be willing to go to counseling if you placed an ultimatum on the table. I am NOT one for ultimatiums but this situation warrants one.

I think that with help MANY of the issues you adn DH have will begin to right themselves. Your marital issues are beginning to spiral out of control and I think a professional would benefit you two greatly

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Posted by PegaLega

If he called you then go home and the two of you be together and TALK about what happened. Tell him this was the last time it will happen next time he wont be so lucky!!!

Good Luck, its tough situation that you are in but if you are willing to try and make it work then dont lose it just yet

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well said pegs! this is ur husband now....so if he's willing to work on this - u must too. Explain again why u did what u did and it's time to start YOUR life TOGETHER. i'm glad things are looking up...keep us updated!

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Posted by luvabul

As some of you may know from my previous posts that... DH and i had financial issues and were living with his parents... (in their big mansion) but anyways... for the last 7 months ive been living with them....and my father in law [ whose in to real estate/ has lots of properties] a few months back told us that we could have a house, its a mother daughter, the upstairs is on rent, but the bottom portion he paid for to be totallly renovated, brand new everything...our parents have helped us out alot, theres a new granite kitchen, my own parents bought us a 4k bedset... and everyhting in the house is just brand new... we did not get a computer/ tv yet.

anyways...now that the place is done...DH is like are u sure u wana move?? ...whats so bad about living at my house?? no one bothers us?? .. excuse me?! NO ONE bothers HIM...but my MIL is alwaysss on my case...i hate living withi his parents... fine the house is big, its by the water, but my envision of marriage was starting my OWN life, not adapting to his households....... so i bared the 7 months living with his family...it was TOUGH..i tell u, but only in hopes that we were moving out...to top it all off we dont even have to pay RENT....DH's dad paid for all of the renovations, the place is practically free...

So valentines day we spent our first night there, and when we came back to DH's house (inlaws house) my MIL was like 'omgg i missed u guys soo much' 'its soo nice to have you back' all this BS which makes DH not even wana leave


DH is like my parents are old, i wana take care of them, i wana be with them, im going to miss them....im not ready to move yet... its not that bad in my house, hes saying hes going to be bored in that house...alll alone, he has a big family...but hello u have to grow up...??

wth

so NOWW im at my MOTHERS house, and ive moved back in with MY parents.... and my parents are like WTH why arent u living in your new house?? and what do i tell them DH is a lil kid...??? and wants to be with his mommy???

that new house that is ours, is 5 minutes away from in laws house...were moving the TOWN over...

im just so miserable...i dont know what to do....
im a LAW student, and i work part time... were getting basically a free place to live in...but DH is still scared to move out...maybe it has to do with his age...hes 24 ...yes were young to be married some may say...but i NEVER saw this coming...

UPDATE:!!! so now DH called and hes saying hes willing to move....to our new house, and for me to come back cuz he shouldnt be apart from his wife etc etc...im just scared to go, because what if he stays there with me a week and goes back to his old ways...and says oh i cant live here anymore...i dunno what to do!

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MArriage is all about compromise, you have to take that chance. Good Luck, I am sure he realizes that he is ready to move on with his life!

good luck with the move! just one question, before u guys got married, was a living situation ever discussed? i was VERY clear with dh about not wanting to live with his parents unless they really can't take care of themselves (we're indian too so dh is expected to live with his parents also).

i feel really bad about what u guys are going through though, i know how tough in-laws can be but u really have to do what's gonna make u happy and get dh to somehow understand that.

DH is a big boy now. I really don't want to sound harsh and insensitive.....and I may get roasted for saying this.....but its how I feel.
He is a grown man. If he wants to stop by his parents house on a regular basis....even every day to check in on them.....or even twice a day....FINE.
However, he is a married man now, a grown up.....and he should embrace that role.

With that said, and I don't know all of the circumstances here....if there is an illness, or some severe circumstance that causes him to feel the need to stay with them....that is another story.

However, if its just b/c they are old and he is homesick....he needs to GROW UP.

With that said, I think all that you can do is encourage him and teach him to be an adult.

I hope I don't sound insensitive, and my hat of to you....

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Posted by luvabul

today he goes...' why are you making me choose between my family and you' ...

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Wow. If that's not an incredibly manipulative question, I don't know what is. He needs to grow up and act like an adult and recognize that he has a wife now, and his loyalties have to switch.

I hope it gets better for you.

Marriage opens up a whole new door in life. I think it's time he opens the new door already.Sounds like his mother has brainwashed him at some point in his life!! I wish you the best of luck.

awww sweetie i'm so sorry for all this drama!!! your DH will realize sooner or later that he needs to live his life with YOU! it's hard enough on you that you had to endure 7 MONTHS with his family, it's TIME!!! make him realize how tough it's been and how healthy it will be to move out...and the fact that it's 5 minutes away from his parent's house?!?! that's totally ridiculous. you're not moving to los angeles! he really needs to wake up and smell the coffee....DO NOT GIVE UP! you deserve this move! your marriage deserves this move! be strong!!!