I posted this on the Mom's board, but it's a little slow there. Here's my question. My friend's son is getting married and the brides family is hosting the wedding (although my friend has offered to help with the costs, I think all they asked them to do was pay for the limo's). Anyway, the wedding invites were printed and my friends' name is left off. Both my girls got married last year and my husband and I hosted both weddings. We would never have thought to not mention the grooms parents name on the invites. We did the typical son of Mr. and Mrs. ----. Why would they leave the groom's parents off the invites. She feels horrible and now just feels like another quest at someones wedding. Just thought I'd ask your thoughts on this.
skinny237
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As long as her son has a relationship with her...I think it's rude that they didn't include her name and I would be hurt.
momof2
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Thanks - that how I feel also.
By the way one of my daughters wedding was at Lombardi's on the Sound - people are still raving about the food. Great choice.
update: Just realized i'm on the newlywed board. I'm not awake yet.
lizzie217
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I put DH's parents name on the invite although my parents were hosting. I would never have left them out, although traditon says that it is not neccessary so maybe this is why, I dont think harm was intended as I have a friend who really loves her In laws and left them off the invite
momof2
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I know how my friend is when she gets hurt, you can see it in her face and the way she reacts to you. I hope this doesn't get out of hand. She's just really hurt. She gets all these invitations to her nephews, friends, nieces weddings and the grooms parents were always mentioned. Her time finally comes and no mention of them.
RadiantBride
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DH and I paid for our own wedding and we still put Mr & Mrs X and Mr & Mrs Y invite you to.... To me it wasnt about who was paying for what just more of the tradition. If it wasnt for our parents we would not be where we are today. Does your friend's son have a good relationship with his mother?
lizzie217
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I can absolutely see why she would hurt. Personally I think that her son should have spoke up and said he wanted his parents on the invite. I know my DH would have if I left them off.
momof2
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Yes - they have a great relationship. I think that's what hurt the most. They are buying a house and my friend and her husband have plans on helping them with renovations and everything. I don't think the bride is that comfortable with them yet, but I know that takes times for some people. But there is no hostility between anyone. Nothing has ever happened between them.
momof2
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Posted by lizzie217
I can absolutely see why she would hurt. Personally I think that her son should have spoke up and said he wanted his parents on the invite. I know my DH would have if I left them off.
Some guys are clueless to these things and I think he is one of them. He just seems to go with the flow. Whatever she decides on the wedding, he seems just agree with her.
RadiantBride
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Posted by momof2
Yes - they have a great relationship. I think that's what hurt the most. They are buying a house and my friend and her husband have plans on helping them with renovations and everything. I don't think the bride is that comfortable with them yet, but I know that takes times for some people. But there is no hostility between anyone. Nothing has ever happened between them.
Did the invitations go out? And has she told her son how she feels?
momof2
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No they didn't go out yet but they are all printed up and she said she doesn't want to start any friction. So she just confided in me that she was very hurt by it. Her husband told her to just let it roll off her shoulders.
skinny237
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Posted by momof2
No they didn't go out yet but they are all printed up and she said she doesn't want to start any friction. So she just confided in me that she was very hurt by it. Her husband told her to just let it roll off her shoulders.
Of course he would say that bc men don't stress about stuff like this! I don't think my DH ever even read our invites...so it's definitely possible that her son didn't think about it either. I'm actually suprised that the bride's parents didn't mention it either. Maybe she can mention it to her son but say that she's not trying to cause any problems but she was hurt by the oversight?
futuremrsfab
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I dont think its all that uncommon- my ils were not on our invitation since my parents hosted- I love my mil but that was what my dh and I decided. I am sorry that your friend is hurt, but I doubt that her son or the bride would have done it to hurt her- maybe they just figured since the bride's parents were hosting that that was the way to do it?
Mici n KC
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Posted by RadiantBride
Posted by momof2
Yes - they have a great relationship. I think that's what hurt the most. They are buying a house and my friend and her husband have plans on helping them with renovations and everything. I don't think the bride is that comfortable with them yet, but I know that takes times for some people. But there is no hostility between anyone. Nothing has ever happened between them.
Did the invitations go out? And has she told her son how she feels?
This is what I was going to say. Has she talked to her son?
NickandTara426
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I didn't put DH's parents name on the invite, I have my reasoning behind it.
BUT if the grooms parents offered to pay and they are paying for limos they should def be on the invite.
lizzie217
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Posted by momof2
Posted by lizzie217
I can absolutely see why she would hurt. Personally I think that her son should have spoke up and said he wanted his parents on the invite. I know my DH would have if I left them off.
Some guys are clueless to these things and I think he is one of them. He just seems to go with the flow. Whatever she decides on the wedding, he seems just agree with her.
Maybe the bride didn't realize it either. I think the mom should tell her son she is upset...maybe something can be done before the invites go out...
Jenn04
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I have seen it done like that many times and I think its a normal tradition when the parents of the bride pay for the wedding and therefore put only their names on the invitation.
OR whoever helped them make the invitations may have told them to do that and it could be an honest mistake or like I said - just a tradition.
In my situation we paid for most of the wedding and we put our names, together with our parents invite you...yada yada yada. However I told my parents and DH's parents what I was doing and sent them the layout before it went to print and they both agreed and said all was ok. So I feel that the future daughter in law left FMIL in the dark a bit. Or also maybe your friend should have spoken up before the invitations were printed? I would let it go, its probably just a little mistake.
momof2
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Ladies - thanks for the feedback - I'm sure my friend will say nothing since everything is printed. Just wanted to see what everyones opinion was on this subject, so maybe I could kind smooth things over for her. I think her first reaction was to feel left out and hurt.
thenewmrsharrington
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Posted by futuremrsfab
I dont think its all that uncommon- my ils were not on our invitation since my parents hosted- I love my mil but that was what my dh and I decided. I am sorry that your friend is hurt, but I doubt that her son or the bride would have done it to hurt her- maybe they just figured since the bride's parents were hosting that that was the way to do it?
ita.
we didn't have my mil on the invites. i mostly only see 'son of' when the parents are doctors or a judge or something like that. in fact, we just got an invitation the other day that do not include the grooms parents on the invite. i really don't think the fmil in question should be insulted.
08JulyBride
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I've seen it done all different ways, but if they weren't sure how to do it when they ordered, even the sales person could have suggested it as the traditional way with only bride's parent's listed (which I personally don't like)... it could have been innocent of them. I'm sure no offense was intended (I hope.. )
I personally left off both sides and just had our full names alone.. which we chose because it was too complicated with my father being deceased and having a stepfather.. plus we didn't have any financial involvement from either side.
