Welcome to my complainy pants party!

Yesterday my whole family made plans to go to the Bronx Zoo and we were really looking forward to it. It was my parents, siblings and nieces and nephews.

Well, we get there, pay and then all he!! breaks losse. My nephew has autism and when he decides he does not want to be somewhere that is IT. He threw himself on the floor, started screaming and crying and ripping off his clothes. He did NOT want to stay for whatever reason, we never know what sets him off. So, my sister had to just take him home and they both missed out on a great day. We were all sobbing, it is so sad to see him like that and it is also scary to see that since he is getting older, we can't physically restrain him anymore and he is a danger to himself and others. My sister is torn with guilt - she doesn't want to leave him home but when she brings him out everything becomes all about him and that is not fair to his sister and cousins.

It is just a cr@ppy situation all around and hard for all of us and I wish that his new medicine would just WORK already and make his quality of life a little bit better!

*If anyone reading this is not familiar with autism, please know this is NOT a behavior issue - it has to do with sensory problems and OCD issues.

I am not a newlywed, but I can understand what you are going through, my cousin have 4 autistic children, different levels. It is very hard for her at family functions, etc. We all feel bad, but we all try to make the best out of the situation.

Aw your poor nephew, and his poor mom. I really don't know what to say, because he still sounds kind of young, that he should be able to have fun like every other kid, its just not that easy for him and thats so sad. I give his mom credit for still trying with him instead of giving up, like I've seen alot of parents do. I pray that his medicine starts working a little better for him, so he doesn't have to live everyday so miserable. I also always knew it had to deal with sensory problems, but had no idea it also dealt with OCD, which is very interesting.

Question though, do you know certain reasons for why hes acts out sometimes and not others? Like is it a noise problem? One of my co-workers sons are autistic and he has very sensitive ears, but when they put plugs in etc. it actually helps him ALOT. But I know that might not work for your nephew, but figure I would put it out there in case it could.

Many prayers and thoughts for your family, they deserve it, and I hope your sister knows just how special she is!

awww.... i'm so sorry. while i'm not overly familiar with autism, i have worked closely with several children who are autistic and i know it's not easy and can't even imagine what it must be like for your family and the children.

i'm sorry the day was ruined...

Thanks to everyone that responded

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Posted by mrspalomino148



Question though, do you know certain reasons for why hes acts out sometimes and not others? Like is it a noise problem? One of my co-workers sons are autistic and he has very sensitive ears, but when they put plugs in etc. it actually helps him ALOT. But I know that might not work for your nephew, but figure I would put it out there in case it could.

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Thanks for the suggestion! I don't think it has to do with his ears, I think it is more of an OVERALL sensory problem.

The OCD part is that right now he has to use the bathroom every 3 minutes. We THINK it has to do with the fact that he went through a period where he had a lot of accidents and we praised him so much when he DID make it to the bathroom and he got in trouble when he DIDNT so now he does not like to be anywhere where he doesn't know exactly where the bathroom is.

So a combination of those two things are limiting what we can do with him right now!

So sorry to hear about your nephew I've worked with children with autism before and I know how upsetting it is to see them have a breakdown- it must be even worse when its your loved one!

sorry to hear, I also have a newphew with autism and my sister has the same problem. He is eight now, so hard to control when he has a fit and people (the public) just don't seem as 'understanding' when they are older They always look at us like she can't control her child and it is just so heartbreaking.

That is a really hard situation. Has she asked teachers input...or a behavior cosultant...perhaps there is some sort of way to build him up to these things.
For instance, if you are going to the zoo...then a few days before read stories about the sights/smells/ and behavior expected. I dono I am just throwing it out there from my experiences.

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Posted by irishgrl1017

That is a really hard situation. Has she asked teachers input...or a behavior cosultant...perhaps there is some sort of way to build him up to these things.
For instance, if you are going to the zoo...then a few days before read stories about the sights/smells/ and behavior expected. I dono I am just throwing it out there from my experiences.

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thanks for the suggestion we are willing to try anything!

my sister is looking for someone to come to teh house to work on his behavior but she hasnt been able to find anyone who will come to the house yet!

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Posted by Kris0703

sorry to hear, I also have a newphew with autism and my sister has the same problem. He is eight now, so hard to control when he has a fit and people (the public) just don't seem as 'understanding' when they are older They always look at us like she can't control her child and it is just so heartbreaking.

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yes, it is hard to ignore the stares. . . plus it may look like we are hurting him bc we have to use A LOT of force to restrain him

to you!!!

Hey sweetie...i am a special educator and i have worked with children with autism and it always amazes me to see how the disability can affect these children differently. As far as your nephew goes, how old is he? I can set you up with some phone numbers to help you find an ABA specialist who comes to the house. Also if he is of school age, does he have a 1:1 aide? Because if he does, he or she may be willing to come on day trips so that if he is having a meltdown, he or she can keep him occupied for a bit or take him to a setting where he is more comfortable. It may not work for hours at a time but it may give your sister a break for an hour when she wants to partake in a family activity. This way he is not left out and if he is having a meltdown, he can be brought to an issue where he is more comfortable.


My worst memory (cause it breaks my heart) was being in a self contained kindergarten class. It was the first class i ever subbed in. All 8 children had extreme cases of autism. One little boy didnt say more than 2 words and at snack time he was eating his snack and all of a sudden he started crying very quietly but tears were streaming and streaming. I ran over to see what was upsetting him and because he didnt talk i couldnt tell. Then i realized every time he bit into his snack, he would wince and cry. I tool him down to the nurse and she looked in his mouth. She ended up sending him home that day cause one of his teeth in the back of his mouth was black. It actually rotted so badly that it had to be removed that day. Then the even more heartbreaking part: this little boy lived with his single father. The reason his dad is single is because the mother left. she couldnt handle his disability. Please tell your sister that it takes a very amazing special person to be able ot raise a child with special needs.

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Posted by JoesFutureWife

Hey sweetie...i am a special educator and i have worked with children with autism and it always amazes me to see how the disability can affect these children differently. As far as your nephew goes, how old is he? I can set you up with some phone numbers to help you find an ABA specialist who comes to the house. Also if he is of school age, does he have a 1:1 aide? Because if he does, he or she may be willing to come on day trips so that if he is having a meltdown, he or she can keep him occupied for a bit or take him to a setting where he is more comfortable. It may not work for hours at a time but it may give your sister a break for an hour when she wants to partake in a family activity. This way he is not left out and if he is having a meltdown, he can be brought to an issue where he is more comfortable.


My worst memory (cause it breaks my heart) was being in a self contained kindergarten class. It was the first class i ever subbed in. All 8 children had extreme cases of autism. One little boy didnt say more than 2 words and at snack time he was eating his snack and all of a sudden he started crying very quietly but tears were streaming and streaming. I ran over to see what was upsetting him and because he didnt talk i couldnt tell. Then i realized every time he bit into his snack, he would wince and cry. I tool him down to the nurse and she looked in his mouth. She ended up sending him home that day cause one of his teeth in the back of his mouth was black. It actually rotted so badly that it had to be removed that day. Then the even more heartbreaking part: this little boy lived with his single father. The reason his dad is single is because the mother left. she couldnt handle his disability. Please tell your sister that it takes a very amazing special person to be able ot raise a child with special needs.

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THANK YOU for the offer to help, I will be FMing you i would love those recs! That is such a great idea, I never though to have someone COME with us to these places. . . that would be wonderful!! He is in public school, I don't think its 1:1 but it is a tiny class ( maybe 5 kids, 2 teachers? )

That is so sad about that little boy! I can relate to that story actually. My nephew was grinding his teeth A LOT and having problems. He would never let anyone look at his teeth but he brushed them twice a day so we weren't sure what the problem was.

Well, we found a WONDERFUL dentist that lets me sister just walk in and be seen without waiting in the waiting room for even a second. Then, five of his employees help to restrain him so he was the first dentist to ever really SEE his teeth and it turned out that ALL of his adult teeth were growing in BEFORE his baby teeth fell out! So he had basically twice the number of bottom teeth than he was supposed to!! No wonder he was in pain! He had to have all of the baby teeth pulled out!

Anyway, my sister is amazing with him and so are my parents. Unfortunately, I am no longer able to babysit him by myself bc I cannot control or restrain him and I am too nervous that if something happens I won't be able to control him.

Pretty sad that a 7 yr old boy is too strong for a 25 year old woman.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by irishgrl1017

That is a really hard situation. Has she asked teachers input...or a behavior cosultant...perhaps there is some sort of way to build him up to these things.
For instance, if you are going to the zoo...then a few days before read stories about the sights/smells/ and behavior expected. I dono I am just throwing it out there from my experiences.

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thanks for the suggestion we are willing to try anything!

my sister is looking for someone to come to teh house to work on his behavior but she hasnt been able to find anyone who will come to the house yet!

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She should ask her school and teacher. i am sure the school psychologist can suggest somewhere. THere are soo many agencies, and it seems that he would qualify for home services.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by JoesFutureWife

Hey sweetie...i am a special educator and i have worked with children with autism and it always amazes me to see how the disability can affect these children differently. As far as your nephew goes, how old is he? I can set you up with some phone numbers to help you find an ABA specialist who comes to the house. Also if he is of school age, does he have a 1:1 aide? Because if he does, he or she may be willing to come on day trips so that if he is having a meltdown, he or she can keep him occupied for a bit or take him to a setting where he is more comfortable. It may not work for hours at a time but it may give your sister a break for an hour when she wants to partake in a family activity. This way he is not left out and if he is having a meltdown, he can be brought to an issue where he is more comfortable.


My worst memory (cause it breaks my heart) was being in a self contained kindergarten class. It was the first class i ever subbed in. All 8 children had extreme cases of autism. One little boy didnt say more than 2 words and at snack time he was eating his snack and all of a sudden he started crying very quietly but tears were streaming and streaming. I ran over to see what was upsetting him and because he didnt talk i couldnt tell. Then i realized every time he bit into his snack, he would wince and cry. I tool him down to the nurse and she looked in his mouth. She ended up sending him home that day cause one of his teeth in the back of his mouth was black. It actually rotted so badly that it had to be removed that day. Then the even more heartbreaking part: this little boy lived with his single father. The reason his dad is single is because the mother left. she couldnt handle his disability. Please tell your sister that it takes a very amazing special person to be able ot raise a child with special needs.

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THANK YOU for the offer to help, I will be FMing you i would love those recs! That is such a great idea, I never though to have someone COME with us to these places. . . that would be wonderful!! He is in public school, I don't think its 1:1 but it is a tiny class ( maybe 5 kids, 2 teachers? )

That is so sad about that little boy! I can relate to that story actually. My nephew was grinding his teeth A LOT and having problems. He would never let anyone look at his teeth but he brushed them twice a day so we weren't sure what the problem was.

Well, we found a WONDERFUL dentist that lets me sister just walk in and be seen without waiting in the waiting room for even a second. Then, five of his employees help to restrain him so he was the first dentist to ever really SEE his teeth and it turned out that ALL of his adult teeth were growing in BEFORE his baby teeth fell out! So he had basically twice the number of bottom teeth than he was supposed to!! No wonder he was in pain! He had to have all of the baby teeth pulled out!

Anyway, my sister is amazing with him and so are my parents. Unfortunately, I am no longer able to babysit him by myself bc I cannot control or restrain him and I am too nervous that if something happens I won't be able to control him.

Pretty sad that a 7 yr old boy is too strong for a 25 year old woman.

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The fact that this little boy has a loving aunt means more than the fact that he is too strong for you to babysit.