What do you think?

I was talking to a close lifelong friend about having kids. Some background - she found out she was pregnant when she'd only been married for six months, was never really maternal, was definitely not happy about this at the beginning. But, of course, life is full of surprises and you go with it! She has a beautiful son and couldn't be happier. She also (with her DH) owns a big home, has parents around to watch her son, and can also bring him to work anytime she wants - just trying to show that she prob has it luckier than most in terms of childcare, finances ,etc.

We were having a conversation about children recently and when I told her I didn't know if I ever wanted kids and certainly couldn't imagine now (as my life isn't settled with career, finances, home,etc) - she told me that she thought that pretty much your life meant nothing unless you had kids because what did you have to 'show' in your life.
I was very insulted by this and was curious on your opinions...

Thanks Julie!! If I ever get a permanent job, that is!

I don't agree with your friend. I have several co-workers who are childless. As teachers their jobs are certainly meaningful and they have had more impact than they know on many, many children (especially since it's an inner-city school and unfortunately the adults in the school are the only solid adult force in their lives).

I have one co-worker I am very friendly with. She has no kids but she and her husband have a very nice lifestyle. They travel a lot, and are very interested in the arts so they go to the theater at least 2 nights a week. Between her work and the way she elects to spend her free time, I would never call her life meaningless.

And I think the world would be a much better place if people put more thought into whether or not they are equipped to deal with kids.

I don't think your friend was in the right to say that. some people are just not meant to have kids or simply don't want kids. and that's fine if that's your choice.
You are not going to be a less person for not having them.
You have to do what you feel it's right for you.

I think that's pretty judgemental and close-minded of your friend to say (if you don't mind me saying so)
Children do add a different dimension to your life - but you could easily get a different dimension from volunteering, or choosing a job that helps others.
I can't believe our soul reason for existence is to reproduce.

i don't think my life means 'nothing' without having kids, however, i recently commented to a friend that once i do have kids, i feel i will finally know the 'meaning of life.' (and just to note, i am a teacher).
i obviously did not hear the conversation you had with your friend, but perhaps she just mean that becoming a parent changes your whole perception on the meaning of life.

I have to agree with most woman on this thread. Kids do not determine what my life's worthiness is.

My cousin and her husband who honestly are the happiest couple i know right now did not have kids for well over nine years. Thety then decided to have a kid and she is in her late 30's. It was so funny right after they got married (I was the youngest in the family) and everyone was like they have issues because they are not having kids....Then there is her siblings who have kids who have issues and have there kids....so who is to decide.......

My feelings on my life right now is about what is important: my family, my DH and my job. If i get to have kids down the road then that is something i look forward to....but you should never tell another person about what makes their live worthy.....

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Posted by mrswask

I was talking to a close lifelong friend about having kids. Some background - she found out she was pregnant when she'd only been married for six months, was never really maternal, was definitely not happy about this at the beginning. But, of course, life is full of surprises and you go with it! She has a beautiful son and couldn't be happier. She also (with her DH) owns a big home, has parents around to watch her son, and can also bring him to work anytime she wants - just trying to show that she prob has it luckier than most in terms of childcare, finances ,etc.

We were having a conversation about children recently and when I told her I didn't know if I ever wanted kids and certainly couldn't imagine now (as my life isn't settled with career, finances, home,etc) - she told me that she thought that pretty much your life meant nothing unless you had kids because what did you have to 'show' in your life.
I was very insulted by this and was curious on your opinions...

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I am surprised a close lifelong friend would be insensitive enough to say something like that when you are feeling conflicted about it. I would have been very insulted too. Children are certainly not the only way to be fulfilled in life. With your and DH's careers, you have PLENTY to show the world. I am not sure I will ever want kids, so I hear it all the time too. i am going to go out on a limb here and say that if her situation wasn't as comfortable as it is, she may have been singing a different tune.

I think that was a very insensitive thing to say. There's nothing wrong with making a conscious decision not to have children. IMO, having children just b/c you feel like you're supposed to would be a lot worse! I think it's a very old-fashioned way of thinking to think that you have nothing to show for your life without children. What about a successful career (which I KNOW you will have) and friends and family that love you?