what have I done to myself.

I think that Im doing way too much and Im feeling overwhelmed.
I cook, clean, take out the garbage, do all the bills, take care of all the finances,
food shop, clothes shop for me and dh, take care of our new puppy, do the laundry. Ive always been one
to take control of things but I need help, I cant do all this on my own,. I think dh has become
so used to me doing things for him that it has gotten out of hand. He even has me making dr apt forhim and
picking up all his essentials, like deoderant and such. But he never does this for me ever. Sometimes
he will help out like make dinner or clean up but its not a consistent thing. He always says thank you and is appreciative for doing
things but when I ask himto help he gets really defensive and says- 'Why cant you do it'. Instead of fighting I just do it. Help Im getting
stressed and I dont know what to do becuase I cant do everything. While dh is home relaxing Im running around like a nut trying to clean everything
and get things done.

Re: what have I done to myself.

Do you work?

If you do, you just have to sit him down and come to some sort of an agreement about household tasks. Its simply not fair for you to get stuck with everything in addition to your job.

Re: what have I done to myself.

yes I work full time.

Re: what have I done to myself.

TO MUCH!! You have to tell him that you need some help. He can take out the garbage. He can wash a dish or 2. He can make his own appoitments & pick up his own toiletries. (Unless you are going to the store anyway)

I'm a SAHM & my husband thinks that I have the time to run around & do a 100 things in the day. So, not the way!! I do need help from him on certain things!

Re: what have I done to myself.

Oh, no no no no no.

There is no way one person can manage all that on their own. And you shouldn't have to.

Work out some sort of system or a division of chores that allows you to enjoy, or even have, some free time.

Re: what have I done to myself.

You are definitely taking on too much and it is not fair. You have to put your foot down and say enough. Frankie is pretty good about carrying his load, but he knows when I start to feel overloaded because I just STOP! I won't cook, clean or do anything else, eventually he notices and starts to pick up the slack.

Re: what have I done to myself.

You need to tell him that you are overwhelmed and ask for a little help. We just had this fight the other night!!! DH said all I have to do is ask since he can't read my mind....

When he responds with 'Why can't you do it'....give him the list of everything else you do. No need to be defensive....just honest...'it's too much for me honey, I need some help'

Re: what have I done to myself.

Something simliar happened when we moved in together..I wanted to be the good girlfriend and take care of him..so I did EVRYTHING> I go to grad school full time, I work, I started getting so stressed, I talked to him and only a little changed..so finally I quit doing EVRYTHINGF.I quit cleaning, I only wahsed my clothes, I didnt cook, dishes PILED up in the sink, I swear we had a science project going on in one of our glasses, he finally caught on and started helping out. Now hes great with helping out. We have new rules, whoever gets home first can start dinner, we are both slobs but when things get out of hand I say Im calling a maid and then he starts cleaning again. I say talk talk to him and if he doesnt help, then you just take care of yourself, let him deal with his own stuff! Best of luck!!!

Re: what have I done to myself.

My DH is pretty good, he does his own laundry (eventually, hee), he straitens up, and will cook (or he gets take out). I have a bad habit of not taking the garbage out, so he always winds up doing it, and in turn, he never washes a dish, so I wind up doing them. We lived together for 3 years before we got married, so we had alot of time to work through all that, in time you will too!!

Re: what have I done to myself.

well i guess since we never lived together before we were married we are still adjusting?? but we've been married
a year and a half?! I think now I have to undo all of these bad habits before I have a nervous breakdown !!!!!!

Re: what have I done to myself.

Yeah....get on his butt!!!!

Re: what have I done to myself.

Hey that sounds like an awful lot....unfortunately you've set a precedent in your marriage by doing all of that. You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you can't manage on your own all of the household chores in addition to working full time. The days of the 1950s SAHWife are over.

For me - we both work full time (i work 5 days a week, he works 6) - and we do many of the chores together - we go grocery shopping together most of the time. Otherwise, I go alone for little things in between the large grocery trips. We share the laundry and dishes. I cook probably 80% of the time and pick up the toiletries for both of us and he does all of the bills/finances. We both take out the garbage and I clean more than him. So while it probably isnt 50/50, it works.

Re: what have I done to myself.

Oh, you definitely need to sit down and talk with him. You are only going to feel more and more overwhelmed and possibly become resentful which is the last thing you want. Figure out a schedule or get a cleaning person or something.


DH and I have an informal system - he takes care of the LR, BR, vacuums, garbage and bills. I do the the bathroom, kitchen, cooking & grocery shopping (which includes the toiletries). We both do laundry. It's not set in stone and it sort worked out in terms of preferred chores.