What's the right thing to do here?

As many of you know, I do not speak to my oldest brother. He physically and verbally has abused my parents immensely. I invited not only his two children, but himself and his wife to my wedding. They did not attend. I did it because I know it is what my Grandparents would've said to do, were they living on this earth.

Now...here come Christmas cards. I'm sending my nephews cards and buying them gifts, of course. I'm not purchasing my brother and his wife gifts, but do I send them a card?

I know this should sound like a no brainer...like why would I send them a card. But I can't get over that it's Christmas... I want to know what a good person should and would do...not what the spiteful/angry/or even 'normal' thing to do would be.

What do you think?

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

i don't think i would send a card ... but if this is bothering you, then i say go for it and just send one

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

Do your nephews live with him? Do you see them separate from your brother? I mean if they live together, wouldnt it make sense to send a general card to the entire family?

eta thats what i would do, i wouldnt single out 2 ppl from the family

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

---

Posted by cateydee

Do your nephews live with him? Do you see them separate from your brother? I mean if they live together, wouldnt it make sense to send a general card to the entire family?

---

They do live with him, and I do see them apart from my brother.

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

It sounds to me like you want to send them a card.

Have you sent them one before, in other years?

Personally, I would send one this year and see what happens. Maybe something good will come out of it. Maybe nothing at all will.

But do prepare yourself in case it's returned with a nasty 'return to sender' scribbled on it, KWIM?

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

---

Posted by kris_gets_hitched

It sounds to me like you want to send them a card.

Have you sent them one before, in other years?

Personally, I would send one this year and see what happens. Maybe something good will come out of it. Maybe nothing at all will.

But do prepare yourself in case it's returned with a nasty 'return to sender' scribbled on it, KWIM?

---

This is the first year we are doing Christmas cards, so no prior experience to help lol.

Oh, I won't put my return address on it (I don't want them to know where I live...it's that bad) so I won't get any nasty return to senders

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

If your relationship is in a place where you don't want him to know where you live then I would not send him a card.

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

---

Posted by JAAMS

---

Posted by cateydee

Do your nephews live with him? Do you see them separate from your brother? I mean if they live together, wouldnt it make sense to send a general card to the entire family?

---

They do live with him, and I do see them apart from my brother.

---

send a family card

to: nephew 1, nephew 2 and family

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

This is tough. I think I'd send the card just because I'd want to send it to my nephews.

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

This is a really tough one. I am all about doing the right thing. I was very inclined to say just send one and see if any good comes of it....HOWEVER, after seeing that you don't even want him to know your address I kind of had a change of heart...

I think whats most important is that you do the right thing by your nephews. Send them a card and love on them.

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

I guess it depends on how much BS you want to hear afterwards. If you didn't send a card I guarantee you'd hear about it until the day you die (such is the way of the verbally abusive family member, I should know, I have 3). It's just a Christmas card and a stamp, what are you really losing?

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

I think you just put everything in one box.

put a general 'happy christmas' card in the box.

and put name tags on the boxes for kidA and kidB etc.

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

---

Posted by JAAMS

---

Posted by kris_gets_hitched

It sounds to me like you want to send them a card.

Have you sent them one before, in other years?

Personally, I would send one this year and see what happens. Maybe something good will come out of it. Maybe nothing at all will.

But do prepare yourself in case it's returned with a nasty 'return to sender' scribbled on it, KWIM?

---

This is the first year we are doing Christmas cards, so no prior experience to help lol.

Oh, I won't put my return address on it (I don't want them to know where I live...it's that bad) so I won't get any nasty return to senders

---

ok than dont bother sending it to them.... if its THAT bad that you dont want them to know your address...YES its christmas, and im assumign they celebrate it too, do they ever pick up the phone and call you for the holidays, or ever sent you a gift/card in the past ?? than maybe I would otherwise, theres no point.... Sending him a card would probably mean your okay and fine with everythign that has happened and that your moving forward.

Just My Opinion.... Hope everything works out

Re: What's the right thing to do here?

Send the card...even if they have been a-holes, once time is lost, you don't get it back. At least you are the bigger person and are trying.