What Would You Do

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Posted by HeatherRose

BTW- we were thinking of doing a backyard wedding way back when the planning started, and when you factor in the cost to rent everything, china, tables linens, servers, it actually cost more then a hall. So i don't think you should base your gift on location.

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I didn't mean to offend anyone. This is nothing close to what they are doing. These people met like 3 months ago and are getting married for immigration reasons. They are doing it the Saturday before Christmas so they can get it in before the end of the year (they want to get the tax benefit for the whole year). To me, these are not reasons to get married or rush it. His brother did the same exact thing and the marriage ended in 6 months. That is what is making me think twice about giving the same gift.

I would give her what she gave you. That's what DH and I did with all of our friends regardless of where their weddings were... we all got married this year so we basically recycled the same $ over and over

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Posted by MnM52607

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Posted by HeatherRose

BTW- we were thinking of doing a backyard wedding way back when the planning started, and when you factor in the cost to rent everything, china, tables linens, servers, it actually cost more then a hall. So i don't think you should base your gift on location.

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I didn't mean to offend anyone. This is nothing close to what they are doing. These people met like 3 months ago and are getting married for immigration reasons. They are doing it the Saturday before Christmas so they can get it in before the end of the year (they want to get the tax benefit for the whole year). To me, these are not reasons to get married or rush it. His brother did the same exact thing and the marriage ended in 6 months. That is what is making me think twice about giving the same gift.

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Whoa ok You might have wanted to state that from the beginning becasue thats a totally different kettle of fish entirely. The question now is, how good a friend is she? if you feel so strongly opposed to this friend marrying someone you seem to think they shouldn't be marrying, WHY are you even going to the wedding? I wouldn't if I felt so strongly I was considering cheaping out on a gift.

Aslo you need to think about this...MAybe the marriage won't last BUT you are being awful negative about it before its even happened. Do you know that its meant to be a temporary marriage? You seem to be giving us bits and piecs here.

If you KNOW for certain it wont last because they are being shady for some reason ro another, then no, I wouldnt give a huge gift.. BUT if you're just amking assumptions..I would really re-asess how close you are to this person. If you want them to be happy and they seem to be, then the money shouldn't even be an issue. You're giving the money to your friend, period.

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by MnM52607

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Posted by HeatherRose

BTW- we were thinking of doing a backyard wedding way back when the planning started, and when you factor in the cost to rent everything, china, tables linens, servers, it actually cost more then a hall. So i don't think you should base your gift on location.

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I didn't mean to offend anyone. This is nothing close to what they are doing. These people met like 3 months ago and are getting married for immigration reasons. They are doing it the Saturday before Christmas so they can get it in before the end of the year (they want to get the tax benefit for the whole year). To me, these are not reasons to get married or rush it. His brother did the same exact thing and the marriage ended in 6 months. That is what is making me think twice about giving the same gift.

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Whoa ok You might have wanted to state that from the beginning becasue thats a totally different kettle of fish entirely. The question now is, how good a friend is she? if you feel so strongly opposed to this friend marrying someone you seem to think they shouldn't be marrying, WHY are you even going to the wedding? I wouldn't if I felt so strongly I was considering cheaping out on a gift.

Aslo you need to think about this...MAybe the marriage won't last BUT you are being awful negative about it before its even happened. Do you know that its meant to be a temporary marriage? You seem to be giving us bits and piecs here.

If you KNOW for certain it wont last because they are being shady for some reason ro another, then no, I wouldnt give a huge gift.. BUT if you're just amking assumptions..I would really re-asess how close you are to this person. If you want them to be happy and they seem to be, then the money shouldn't even be an issue. You're giving the money to your friend, period.

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It's a co-worker of DH. I personally have no connection to these people whatsoever.

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Posted by MnM52607

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by MnM52607

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Posted by HeatherRose

BTW- we were thinking of doing a backyard wedding way back when the planning started, and when you factor in the cost to rent everything, china, tables linens, servers, it actually cost more then a hall. So i don't think you should base your gift on location.

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I didn't mean to offend anyone. This is nothing close to what they are doing. These people met like 3 months ago and are getting married for immigration reasons. They are doing it the Saturday before Christmas so they can get it in before the end of the year (they want to get the tax benefit for the whole year). To me, these are not reasons to get married or rush it. His brother did the same exact thing and the marriage ended in 6 months. That is what is making me think twice about giving the same gift.

---

Whoa ok You might have wanted to state that from the beginning becasue thats a totally different kettle of fish entirely. The question now is, how good a friend is she? if you feel so strongly opposed to this friend marrying someone you seem to think they shouldn't be marrying, WHY are you even going to the wedding? I wouldn't if I felt so strongly I was considering cheaping out on a gift.

Aslo you need to think about this...MAybe the marriage won't last BUT you are being awful negative about it before its even happened. Do you know that its meant to be a temporary marriage? You seem to be giving us bits and piecs here.

If you KNOW for certain it wont last because they are being shady for some reason ro another, then no, I wouldnt give a huge gift.. BUT if you're just amking assumptions..I would really re-asess how close you are to this person. If you want them to be happy and they seem to be, then the money shouldn't even be an issue. You're giving the money to your friend, period.

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It's a co-worker of DH. I personally have no connection to these people whatsoever.

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A co-worker? originally you wrote it was a friend.

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Posted by MnM52607

What would you do in this situation?

A friend came to your wedding that you had a big hall. That friend is now getting married in their home. Do you give the same gift they gave you?

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I would have to say its not your call then really if you have no connection to them. Your options would be A) Don't go and tell your DH the reasons why you dont wnat to go; that you feel it's a sham or whatever. B) talk to DH about your feelings and say if he really wnats to go you will go, but explain why you're hesitant to give them a monetary gift.

Chances are he will say the same thign we all do; if they were generous with you, you should return the favor REGARDLESS of your assumptions about this persons intentions in their marriage. Its not about you honestly. Its about them. And obviously theyw ere important enough to be invited to your wedding so really...I think we've all made it clear what you should do based on what is right. But of course its your decision.

Yes, originally I did say it was a friend but I really wasn't planning on getting into all the details on here. I don't believe it's a sham, I just don't agree with getting it in before the end of the year for tax benefits. Like I said, I don't think that is the reason to get married so quickly.

I put the question out there because DH doesn't want to give them that much money either. First of all, I have to find my list of what they gave us. It might not have been a lot at all and it won't matter to us.

DH wants to be there for him so of course, I will be there with my husband. I would never let him go alone no matter what my personal opinions were of the couple.

Thanks for all your opinions.

Mare, just give him what he gave you. in the end it doesnt matter.

email me when u can.

I would definitely give the same amount.
In my eyes it doesn't matter.
I feel like it is only right.