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What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

nov04LIbride Posted:

What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

DH and I discussed children in great detail during our precana--we always said we wanted 2, and would start TTC in 3-5 years, after we saved money for a house (in a 1 bedroom condo now). Last week he said he thinks he changed his mind and may want none (after seeing and visiting some particularly bratty children and babies). I don't know if it is a stage or not, but I always envisioned myself having children (not right now, but in the future), and it worries me that it may be something he would never want...
jozieb0925 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

I think it could be a phase..only because there is so much newness in your life right now that the thought of children might be overwhelming him. You know MEN..they can't handle more than one stress at a time..

My dh gives me uncertain answers about children, but because the time is not right for the both of us, I am not pushing the subject.

He knows that I want children, so someday he knows that he has to come to terms with that...


I hope everything works out for you guys!!
Jola Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?



It has to be a phase, he saw some misbehaved children and he got scared.

If he is around an adorable baby/children that are behaved I'm sure he will change his mind.
wc0143 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

Cheer up Beth ... at least he's not 38 and still not ready
septbride Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

I think it's just a phase and fear!

Actually, I feel the same way when I see bratty kids ( bratty kids are a no, no) but then when I see cute well behaved, smart kids I want to have 10!!

Bring him around some cute, well behaved kids and he'll want to have kids again!
nov04LIbride Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

Posted by septbride
Bring him around some cute, well behaved kids and he'll want to have kids again!



I think the lack of cute, well behaved kids is the problem! Every time we see kids at the store he runs in fear!
KarenB Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

People do change their minds, I'm sure it will work out for you. One thing for sure, you both have to want whatever you decide to do.

Best of luck.

Karen
Sassyz75 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

My DH pulled this on me too.

I told him if he doesn't want children then he can expect divorce papers.

We went to couples counseling.. it turns out it wasn't about kids at all- he had some other issues to work out.
nov04LIbride Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

Posted by Sassyz75

My DH pulled this on me too.

I told him if he doesn't want children then he can expect divorce papers.

We went to couples counseling.. it turns out it wasn't about kids at all- he had some other issues to work out.


I'm thinking it might be something else too. Kids are a huge commitment, and I think he would feel more stuck in his career with greater financial responsibility, but likewise I wouldn't have married someone who never wanted children....
patti08 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

You guys really need to talk about this. Bratty kids, cute kids, well behaved kids. Each kid is all of these at one time or another.

I strongly recommend talking about this calmly or seeking counseling of some sort.

If you each feel strongly about it and totally differ on opinion some decesions need to be made. I don't think this is something to be taken lightly. I certainly wouldn't.

I really hope it all works out for the best for you.
usuk2004 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

I think this has been weighing on your mind Beth, but didn't your DH just mention it in passing once? Does he really not want to have kids? I have a feeling he's just not ready yet and was a little freaked by those bratty kids.

I have always wanted kids, but the other day I was in the supermarket and saw some woman with her kid and she was visibly having a hard time. I get so easily frustrated in the supermarket by us because it's so darn crowded and after seeing that woman I just had this revelation that I'm going to be a terrible mother--I can't even handle the supermarket, let alone me and a kid in the supermarket! But it just crossed my mind, I know in the long run, that's not really going to affect my decision...my poor kids!

I think you should just ask him if he really meant what he said. If he did really mean it, then you'll have to discuss it together, maybe see a professional and then make a decision, but it might be that you're letting your imagination get the best of you

Good luck!!!
Robeymuse Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

DH knows that would be a deal breaker for me. I told him that before the wedding.
As much as I would hate to be divorced, I would hate to compromise on something I wanted my whole life.
PrincessRose Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

To answer the question in the subject line:
I would take his temperature and put him to bed straight away with 2 aspirin and a hot water bottle.

It's probably a phase. Try to get him to talk through it?
Karacg Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

This happened to my DH with his ex -- She decided after a few years that she didn't want children. There were other issues as well, but that was a major one.

You are both newly married, and probably somewhat young. I would give him some time. Unless you yourself are in a rush, I would say wait and see. And if he doesn;t change his mind by the time you are ready and want to wait no longer, then get some counseling.

It's not only a woman's perogative to change her mind....
kpny622 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

If he said he 'may' never want children, I'd give him a little time to consider it, letting him know that it was important we come to a decision on the issue as soon as possible. If the then said he 'definitely' didn't want children, I'd have to leave. This is because we talked about this specifically many times before getting married because it was important to both of us to be on the same page, as I've seen several relationships break up because of this issue.

That being said, I don't think someone who always wanted kids really just changes their mind one day, therefore I suspect it's a phase for your DH. Honestly, these days every kid I see is a spoiled bratty obnoxious undisciplined screamer, and each time I say to myself, 'forget it, I am not dealing with this crap.' But do I really mean it? No.
TracyInQueens Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

Since you said that you were going to wait 3-5 years, I would let it go for now. I almost think it's healthy that he's on the fence now- it's a sign that he's really thinking about the ups and downs of parenting. It's a huge, life-changing that shouldn't be taken lightly.

nov04LIbride Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

Posted by TracyInQueens

Since you said that you were going to wait 3-5 years, I would let it go for now. I almost think it's healthy that he's on the fence now- it's a sign that he's really thinking about the ups and downs of parenting. It's a huge, life-changing that shouldn't be taken lightly.



I totally agree with you. I know he isn't taking this decision lightly, or agreeing just to agree. I didn't take marriage lightly, and I know when or if we do have kids it will be planned and something we both want more than anything. I just hope eventually it will be something he wants more than anything!
ellengrisal Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

i always change my mind about having kids and my SO is deadset on having at least one. he has already told me that is one of his wishes in life, so it will be a problem if i don't change my mind. it's just that i enjoy our freedom and our fun, sometimes crazy and other times relaxing weekends together that when i see my sister with her baby i realize we won't have that anymore!!! hopefully i will get used to the idea, but thankfully he doesn't want to start TTC for another 5-6 years.

btrflygrl Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

First...I'd be out the door if he changed his mind....while dating he used to say he didn't want them, and I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not and I panicked....

turns out he was kidding/saying it due to brattiness of other kids....eventually he did want them....someday. I told him flat out, if he didn't want kids then there was no point to us dating

Now....he wants them more than anything but wants to make sure we're ready for them ($$ wise)
Janine24 Posted:

Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?

I would be upset b/c I really want to have children one day...

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