What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
Original post by nov04LIbride
DH and I discussed children in great detail during our precana--we always said we wanted 2, and would start TTC in 3-5 years, after we saved money for a house (in a 1 bedroom condo now). Last week he said he thinks he changed his mind and may want none (after seeing and visiting some particularly bratty children and babies). I don't know if it is a stage or not, but I always envisioned myself having children (not right now, but in the future), and it worries me that it may be something he would never want...
nferrandi
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
I know that you said you wouldn't be ready to TTC for another 3 years or so, but you need an answer now. If he's just a little scared of the idea of kids, then that's fine. But if he really believes he will never have the desire to have children, you guys really need to figure things out. I know that for me, and of course this is a personal decision, I would get a divorce if DH seriously did not want children.
Janice
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
I have to say I am very surprised at how many people would get a divorce over this. I want babies very badly, and dh and I have structured our lives around 'the plan' of making sure our kids have great lives, including an affordable mortage so I can stay home for as long as they need me, and we have started a spare savings account for their futures and we are not even TTC yet. if DH came out and told me he did not want kids, I would be crushed and hurt, and it would be a constant debate...but to leave him, no way.. he is the love of my life, I can't imagine a day without him. and to leave this man who I am so in love with for the love of my children that I have not even met yet? I guess I don't understand trading 1 in for another.
suven
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
I am also in a 1 bed 1 bath condo. So, at this point, I am VERY anti-child. But, I know that once we have a bigger home, and a few years pass, we'll be ready.
Right now, we've gone through a lot of changes. Most of us are still adjusting to being married. He may need some more time to get his feet wet before he's ready for kids too.
I would be more concerned if he had ALWAYS said he didn't want kids. I think if he wanted them before, he'll come around and want them again.
1017Bride
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
Its really a tough decision to decide when and if you want to have children. We orginally wanted two children but I don't know if that would be too much for us, so we are thinking of one. From what I hear from friends its a very difficult responsibility (albeit an enjoyable one). I think its great for couples to really think about this decision and not rush it if they are not sure about what they want to do.
Saying this, your DH may change his mind in a few years. Maybe he is not ready yet. I have been talking to my friends to get more of an idea of what it is like to have a baby and a young child. I think having more information can make the idea less scary.
Kriss2c
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
I sometimes feel like your DH does. Usually on the days we have DH's daughter and she acts up. I am hoping that when my MOH has her first child, the end of March, my feelings will change.
This is something the two of you need to discuss at length.
nov04LIbride
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
I talked to him about it a great deal last night--I was upfront, and said I married him under the impression that he would want to have children, since he always said he did. He said he is debating his own life now--thinking his career isn't what he wants, and he couldn't imagine being a parent without knowing the answers to life's questions for himself. It was really very sweet, and I think it is his own insecurities about himself that led him to his momentary change, not a hatred of children or a lack of willingness to have them eventually. So we talked about how as parents we would never have all the answers, and part of being a parent is learning along the way with your children. All in all a very good talk. I think I was freaking out about nothing, but it was really interesting to read everyone's responses. I would have to say if he did give me an absolute answer of no I would probably leave--I do feel that one of the reasons I was put on this earth was to be a mother one day, and though I love DH I would always feel that something was missing if I never had children.
usuk2004
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
So good to hear! I'm glad you worked it out Beth!
You know it's funny how LIW sometimes sparks important conversations at home. After I posted about my fear of divorce, I actually mentioned it to Dh and we had a talk about it. He said he did always worry about divorce, since his parents have been divorced for such a long time. That is, he worried until he met me! He says all he thinks about now is me and spending the rest of our lives together
Yeah for LIW!!!
nov04LIbride
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Re: What would you do if DH said he may never want to have children?
Posted by usuk2004 After I posted about my fear of divorce, I actually mentioned it to Dh and we had a talk about it. He said he did always worry about divorce, since his parents have been divorced for such a long time. That is, he worried until he met me! He says all he thinks about now is me and spending the rest of our lives together
Aww that's so sweet Farah! You know you can face anything together when he feels that way!
