Would you be ticked???

Would you be ticked???

Okay, maybe I'm pms'ing or something but I got a call a couple of hours ago from Bob's best friend and his girlfriend. They are up at Rob's cabin and they want us to join them. Since I have numerous obligations going on this weekend, I can't go. So Bob calls me and asks if I heard from them. I tell him yes. He tells me he told them I couldn't go, but then he hesitated. So I was like 'Yeah? And does that mean you're going alone?'. So he hesitated some more and was like 'Yes, I was planning on it'. I sort of froze up and rushed off the phone. So here I sat stewing for awhile, because he pulls this crap all the time. He just takes off on a whim up to his friends cabin and I'm left with the responsibility of taking care of the pets, the house, and whatever else needs to be done for the weekend (errands, shopping, etc.). It'd be one thing to just get up and go IF we didn't have a prior committment for Sunday afternoon (birthday party) and volunteer work for Sunday morning (that we both signed up for). I try not to act like the PITA wife and give him a hard time of things, especially with the family drama we've been in the last several months. But I'm tired of feeling taken advantage of. He calls back and asks me if I'm going to be home after work to make him dinner, because he's leaving at 9:00. So I told him no, I was going out with friends and he can fend for himself. Now, I'm not going out with friends but I do intend to take off for the evening because why should I go home and make him dinner and then be left with cleaning up the mess as he packs his duddies and drives off? HELL NO! So he catches an attitude with me about not being home and how come I don't want to see him before he leaves. I tell him if he wanted to see me this weekend, he would have stayed home and p.s. thanks for leaving me with the burden of making excuses for you for both occasions. Then I hung up! Do you think I was over-reacting or being petty by playing it off like I have somewhere fabulous to go after work? I know it's childish, but I'm ticked!

Re: Would you be ticked???

I would be ****ed off- especially because of the prior obligations!

Re: Would you be ticked???

I would be upset if Scott just decided to take off and leave me with ALL of the weekend stuff. Tell him that you do not want him to go and that you cannot handle everything by yourself. and to ask you to make him dinner, that was just plain dumb. I would let Burger King make his dinner.

Re: Would you be ticked???

Re: Would you be ticked???

I would be upset tooo...

Re: Would you be ticked???

Sharon, it is obvious that you are hurt, and being hurt makes us react in ways that maybe we wouldn't normally react. I don't know if I'd say you are overreacting, b/c quite frankly I don't know that I'd feel any different in your shoes.

And, no - I would not rush home and cook my DH dinner if he pulled this on me. But, I might want to tell him in person how hurt I am with his decision and at least hug/kiss him goodbye. It doesn't mean you approve of his behavior. (We have a thing about ALWAYS saying a proper goodnight or goodbye whenever we will be apart - for any reason. You just never know what can happen and life is too short. But, I digress.)

I think your hubby is acting immature and shirking his adult responsibilities. He is wrong - plain and simple - based simply on the facts that he previously committed his time to the other things you mentioned. Don't even get me started on the 'everyday' types of chores and errands you mentioned....BUT, I will say that all of us need a 'break' from those things once in awhile, so maybe he gets cut a little slack there.

You have to tell him how you feel. Hanging up on him just creates more anger - for you and for him. I just don't understand why he wants to go without you....it would be different if it was just a guys weekend, but it sounds like it will be another couple, right? I think you deserve and explanation at least.
I am sorry you are upset right now. I hope you and he can work things out.

Re: Would you be ticked???

I would be very upset also. On the one hand I would try to stick around and talk it over with him, but on the other I don't blame you AT ALL for not wanting to be around tonight. If he knew how mad you are, would he change his plans and stay? Maybe he has no clue how upset he's made you and if he knew, he would stay home. Sorry you have to go through this!

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Sharon, I'm sorry your DH is being unreasonable!! I don't think you overreacted at all and I think you have every reason to be a bit ticked off. I know for myself, I couldn't let him go away for the weekend w/o trying to tell him how I felt. I do think that you should go home for dinner -- DON'T YOU COOK, order out -- because you need to talk to him about this before he leaves. Otherwise you'll spend the whole weekend all po'd and it'll brew into something much bigger! I know for myself, I would need to get it off my chest or else I'd be a basketcase all weekend and by the time he got home, I'd be flinging stuff at him!

Good luck!!

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Well, he called me again and wanted to know what my 'problem' was. So I explained why I was upset and he was like 'Well, I work hard and I want to have fun'. Yeah, well so do I. On top of working not one, but two jobs, I also fit school into my schedule. So if he thinks that I get a rush from spending my Saturday mornings hanging out with Mr. Clean, he's wrong. He knows how I feel yet he still wants to go because his 'best friend' is up there. The other reason he called was to make sure I'd be home to take care of the dog. So you see, the whole point of me being upset completely went over his head and if I had to go home and face him, my aim with a bat would be much better than that right now. So to hell with everything, I'm going to go out. There's some bands or something playing at Vanderbuilt tonight. Sounds like a good place to start!

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I honestly think this is another reason I'm sort of reluctant to have a child with him because he acts completely irresponsible. Can you imagine him pulling this crap if I had a sick child or something?!?

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Sharon, I know it's not funny, but you had me peeing with the bat comment!!

I'm really sorry to hear he's being such an insensitive dope. It sounds like you two need to have a really long talk one of these days about priorities -- namely his!!! He's married now, he's friends come second, not first. YOU come first.

You go out and enjoy yourself!! Talk to him when he gets back!!!

Re: Would you be ticked???

I am sorry to say this to you, but you are 100% correct. And this does sure future behavior. When I was dating my husband, I watched for signs like this. Thank God there was none. You need to sit down with him and have a lllooonnngg talk. You are not a door mat! You are not there to cook him dinner and take care of the dog! Very irresponsible plus you had plans and he leaves you to do it all! That would spell it out for me! I am sorry you have to go through thinking this way, but it is a sign of things to come in my opinion. I had an ex who pulled this same **** and kept it up. So I had to end it, I couldn't see him being a responsible husband/father, all he did was want to have fun and screw responsiblities, prior comitments. I would be ****ed, esp. about the party. So you are left having to explain why he is not with you. That is just terrible. You should mean more to him than his best friend! I am sorry if I am being blunt but I have been through this and this strikes a nasty chord with me.

Re: Would you be ticked???

Re: Would you be ticked???

Shamee: I would be upset too. You should have a serious discussion with him about his need to take this trip without you. Let him know how you feel, and hopefully he would stay his butt at home with you.