would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
GraceAndAdam
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would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
For her bachelorette party, my friend wants to go to dinner and a bar in the city and then stay over in a hotel. I'd like to be a part of it, since I'm a BM, but the amount I've been spending related to this wedding has really been adding up. Between the bridal shower, the dress, her gift and having to stay in a hotel the weekend of the wedding, DH and I will be spending at least $1000 all together. So even though I would feel really bad about skipping her bachelorette party, I feel like I need to cut something, because all the expenses are starting to stress me and DH out a little, and we have several more weddings to attend and give gifts for this year. Is it 100% expected that the BMs take part in the bachelorette party? I want to make sure I'm upholding all of my duties as a BM. I was fully involved in her shower even though it was out-of-state and I had to travel to be there, and I was happy to be able to be there. Do you think she will understand if I say I can't be a part of her bachelorette party? I would just go to the dinner and hang out a little and then come home instead of staying in the hotel, but I don't feel comfortable with coming home from the city at night by myself. So if I go, I'd have to stay over. I'm just looking for outside opinions, thanks ladies!
lizzie217
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
I would understand, especially if she exlplained it to me how you did. Did she go to all of your events during you wedding? I am torn bc I would understand my friends financial situation, but I would feel bad that she couldn't come.
Is it possible that you do dinner and the bar and skip the hotel? Or just the abr (since that will save $$$) this way you are attending but not spending as much $$?
GraceAndAdam
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
Posted by lizzie217
I would understand, especially if she exlplained it to me how you did. Did she go to all of your events during you wedding? I am torn bc I would understand my friends financial situation, but I would feel bad that she couldn't come.
Is it possible that you do dinner and the bar and skip the hotel? Or just the abr (since that will save $$$) this way you are attending but not spending as much $$?
That's a good question. She was unable to go to any of the events leading up to my wedding because she was living across the country at that point. But I was just happy that I was able to have her there for my wedding day. I'm sure she'd be understanding since she's very sweet and not the type to get mad over something like that. But I just would feel bad telling her I can't go.
Kimbalina
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
I would understand! Money is tight for a lot of people right now. And as much as you want to celebrate with everyone it is rough. A BM of mine backed out because she was 2 weeks preggers.
lizzie217
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
Posted by GraceAndAdam
That's a good question. She was unable to go to any of the events leading up to my wedding because she was living across the country at that point. But I was just happy that I was able to have her there for my wedding day. I'm sure she'd be understanding since she's very sweet and not the type to get mad over something like that. But I just would feel bad telling her I can't go.
You know the thing is that things get so expensive that sometimes it isn't possible to do everything for everyone. A friend had a bparty in AC this weekend that I didnt go to (Im not a BM she's just a friend) I felt bad but since she isn't one of my 'close' friends I decided to save the $$ as I have a bparty in Boston for my old college roomate...it stinks bc you don't want to hurt feelings and of course if $$ was no object you'd go to EVERYTHING for all your friends.
futuremrsfab
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
Being honest- I would be upset- is there a way you guys can cut corners a little to relieve the stress of the money but still give the bride the overall effect.
For me personally, it meant more to having my friends at my bparty than what we did, so we scaled it down
jtgarsik
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
i'm sure she'll be a little dissapointed but i don't think she'll be mad....i DO think you should explain it to her so she really understands why(either that or play sick lol j/k of course)...I had one of my BM's who i had been friends with since jr. high not come because of financial reasons...sure i was dissapointed that she couldn't be there, but i completely understood...How long had the bachlorette party been planned for??? Is this an idea that just came up recently? i would just tell her ur situation...and if it's do-able(not sure 'cause u said she's oot) but maybe tell her u'd like to set a day before the wedding just for the two of u to spend some time together? maybe go get mani/pedis & just spend the day together..
kirstenjk
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
She will probably be disappointed and maybe even hurt. Everyone knows that right now people's finances are tight. Why don't you attend the dinner and go to the bar but skip the hotel. It's better for you to make the effort and show up for part of the evening than decline the entire thing. Just think of how you would feel if the situation was reversed.
MnM182008
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
One of bms didn't attend my bachellorette party. I wasn't upset, I knew it was because of finical reasons, even though she didn't tell me so. I think a bride should be understanding. I think a lot of brides get caught up in the wedding chaos and forget how expensive a wedding is. Maybe you can explain your situation, or just say you would love to go but you are unable to.
Bride908
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
If a friend couldnt make it to mine for those reasons I would understand. Being part of BP becomes expensive. I would be careful not to say how all the expenses are adding up b/c that can seem intentionally hurtful or bitter. I'd either politely decline or explain how things are tight but you would love to be there.
jtgarsik
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
Posted by Bride908
If a friend couldnt make it to mine for those reasons I would understand. Being part of BP becomes expensive. I would be careful not to say how all the expenses are adding up b/c that can seem intentionally hurtful or bitter. I'd either politely decline or explain how things are tight but you would love to be there.
i agree - i would just talk about how tight things are for u & dh withOUT mentioning the expenses of the wedding... i'm sure she will understand if u CAN make a portion of the evening do so...i understand about not wanting to head home by urself - does dh have friends in the city?? maybe he can go in as well(dont tell ur friend though lol) that way u can go to dinner & then head home..
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
I would 100% understand. Things are very hard right now. I am out of a job so I know firsthand, but even people who have jobs know at least one person who is out of work. And there is always the worry, I think, that your job or your DH's will be cut soon. SO, I think in this economic climate, it makes sense to try to curb expenses.
That being said - if there is any way you can go to the dinner and bar or even just the dinner, I would. Maybe someone can pick you up in the city (dh?) so you don't have to travel alone? You might find out that one of the other girls is not staying over either and you'll have someone to travel with. Or maybe you have a friend in the city you can stay with that night (of course you would not tell any of the bach party girls you are doing this). See if you can work something out so that you can go to part of it. I think it would make her less upset, if she is upset at all. Which it doesn't sound like she will be, according to your description of her.
SoonToBeMrsScott
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
no not at all 1 of my girls couldn't make it it was her daughters first b-day so thats acceptable and I found out after my wedding she was pregnant the whole time :) so she wouldn't have been comfy any way.
Future Mulligan
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Re: would you have been offended if one of your BMs didn't go to your Bachellorette party?
if its a good friend they should understand...
with that said i got major sh*t from someone about *maybe* not being able to attend their bachelorette party.....i pretty much threw it out there that if she was planning on doing a destination BP, i probably wouldnt be able to attend - i was planning my wedding as well and i had all of her bridal party expenses to think about on top of that (dress, shoes, hair, make up, i already gave an eparty gift, shower gift, wedding gift, hotel for the night of her wedding, etc.).....
well when i said i *maybe* wouldn't be able to attend i got a sh*tstorm for it she called me out saying it was one of my *duties* as a bridesmaid and i had to attend and i should have thought about those expenses before saying yes to being a bridesmaid (im sorry but when someone is bringing up the florida keys for a weekend or aruba i might not have the money! - at that point DH and I hadn't even gone on a vacation yet!! our HM was our first 'real' vacation!)....but anyway i thought she was being a total selfish bridezilla so i cut my ties.....i was also a bride at the same time so i was in those shoes too and i would have never acted like that - thats why i know that being a bride gets to peoples heads sometimes...
