Would you take the house?

So my sister's BFF is getting married. Her and her guy have been together for 8 years and finally tying the knot. When they got engaged his family told them 'We will not be contributing to your wedding AT ALL.....BUT we will be purchasing a home for you guys for $300K cash' (or giving them $300K cash towards the purchase of a home)

Weeeelllll--this is the thing that the parents just threw at them. They have decided that if they purchase this home, the deed will be in the name of the parents only. It will not be in their name at all. Later on--when the parents die, the home will be put in their son's name and their daughter's name--50/50. Meaning my sister's friend will have no name on the property whatsoever. Her FH and his sister DO NOT GET ALONG at all--they sometimes just pure hate each other. (She is VERY spoiled--the parents bought her and her freeloading boyfriend a condo that they pay NOTHING for and she was pisssed that her brother was getting a house and she ONLY got a condo.) So if the parents died--it would be a battle to buy the sister out OR god forbid her FH dies she would have no stake or claim to the home.

Now my sister's friend is contemplating whether its worth it to take the house. She knows they will be the type to say to her 'Well its not YOUR home is it?' When she wants to do anything to the house. Ultimately it will be her decision--her FH says he'll go with what she decides


My question--would you take the home or say 'thanks but no thanks'?

hmm... this is tough. It's a GREAT opportunity to just be handed 300k towards a home...and they will partially own it. But i can definetly see how it can get messy...especially when it comes to wanting to do things to the house, etc. I'd have a long sit down with the parents who are handing over the cash & ask them if there's going to be limitations on that aspect of it, etc. It's a touchy thing when u go in on a deal like that and multiple people have say in what u can & can not do. Did her FH think about maybe asking the parents to do for them what they did for the sister??? asking for a little less money, but to use it in purchasing a condo solely for them??? hmm..this is tough - and really you know the family better than us. If they're good people then i'd say go for it....but if u think it's going to be a major headache - whether its a chance of a lifetime or not it may not be worth it(thats if they dont feel like dealing w/it) ...not sure about this one like i said - the best thing to do would probably be for them to sit down with the parents & discuss EVERYTHING from decorating, additions, changes, the sale (if they ever do sell it), etc. They obviously need to majorly weigh out their options before they decide anything..

I would run and fast from that offer.

They could take it as temporary place to live for free and then save up and eventually move on but the parents not having the guys name on the title is weird. it would be like my parents giving us a check as a wedding gift but making it out to themselves. A gift is something you give to someone not lend them. I think it is a nice offer but i would never want to be involved in anything where I was made to feel guilty or like my home was in fact not mine.

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Posted by MeNBobs

I would run and fast from that offer.

They could take it as temporary place to live for free and then save up and eventually move on but the parents not having the guys name on the title is weird. it would be like my parents giving us a check as a wedding gift but making it out to themselves. A gift is something you give to someone not lend them. I think it is a nice offer but i would never want to be involved in anything where I was made to feel guilty or like my home was in fact not mine.

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yea. ita.

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Posted by jtgarsik

hmm... this is tough. It's a GREAT opportunity to just be handed 300k towards a home...and they will partially own it. But i can definetly see how it can get messy...especially when it comes to wanting to do things to the house, etc. I'd have a long sit down with the parents who are handing over the cash & ask them if there's going to be limitations on that aspect of it, etc. It's a touchy thing when u go in on a deal like that and multiple people have say in what u can & can not do. Did her FH think about maybe asking the parents to do for them what they did for the sister??? asking for a little less money, but to use it in purchasing a condo solely for them??? hmm..this is tough - and really you know the family better than us. If they're good people then i'd say go for it....but if u think it's going to be a major headache - wheather its a chance of a lifetime or not it may not be worth it(thats if they dont feel like dealing w/it) ...not sure about this one like i said - the best thing to do would probably be for them to sit down with the parents & discuss EVERYTHING from decorating, additions, changes, the sale (if they ever do sell it), etc. They obviously need to majorly weigh out their options before they decide anything..

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I have to agree with Taryn because I have been in the middle of 'custody battles' over property before and wills and all of that. I would see if they would be willing to contribute elss and make it a gift, but if the deed name is the parent's,, that can get VERY VERY hairy...

1.) they decide to kick them out for whatever reaosn, they would HAVE to go because the deed is in the parents name unless their is legal paperwork drawn up making them 'renters' and then they have some rights but ehr name would have to be on it.

2.) The parent's pass away and it becoems a CRAZY battle for the house with him and his sister.

3) GOD FORBID soemthing happens to her hubby, she gets royally screwed because then SHE needs to battle with the sister and if the parents are still alive, chances are the chick will get the house not your friend.

I think they REALLy ened to sit with the parents and discuss EVERY aspect and the legalities HAVE to be brought up because home ownign is no joke.

the parents would not be willing to contribute anything unless its in their name.

the condo they bought for sister and loser BF - is in the parents name only as well.

both siblings have property in Ireland (where the family is from) that was bought for them by the parents---when the parents die each child will receive their deeds in their own names. otherwise--everything is in the parents' names. its all very 'we must control you' weirdness

I agree with everyone.. I wouldn't take the $$ either!!!

Nope, way too many strings attached to this one.

Hell no.

Too many string attached (apron strings, puppet strings) and a huge headache if and when any of the parties involved die.
As Jenn outlined, BFF would be out on her a$$ if god forbid anything happens to hubby to be.

If anything, the control freak parents should fork over the same amount of money as they paid for DD's condo, so that there is an even distribution of property. Each child would then inherit their piece of property outright instead of having to share a house that DS lived in.

If you look at, if she takes the house offer, then
when the parents die, the daughter gets a condo AND a 50% stake in the house.
Son only gets at 50% stake in the house.
Daughter makes out like a bandit.

no effing way. at first when i read the story im thinking YES YES YES TAKE IT! then i read the rest about the wife not being a part of it which is INSANITY...

id say thanks but NO FCKING THANKS!!!

I'm the one absolutely and the reasons why are below:

1. The couple can take the generous gift and buy a beautiful home in the husband's name. I assume the parents are not ready to pass away. They can live there without any mortgage - paying only the monthly utility bills and thus saving thousands of dollars each month.

2. When the parents do pass on and the estate is divided btw the sister and brother. At this point the new couple can decide to either buy the sister out (since they have been saving their money), or have the sister buy them out, and they can take the money they have been saving, the sister's money from the buy out and buy a beautiful home that will be far better than the one they just sold to the sister.

I'm thinking of Long Island and how difficult it is to find an affordable home/taxes in a nice area, and this gives the new couple the break they need to save for the home of their dreams.

No way would I take it. A couple should be able to control their life, not have someone else control it. Even though it is very tempting, I would run As Fast As I Could Far Away From All Of It. But its a tough call, especially when family is involved so either way, its will cause a stir.
I wish them the best of luck, they need to do what there heart says.

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Posted by MJDoc12

the parents would not be willing to contribute anything unless its in their name.

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that's just messed up...if it's a gift what's the problem with GIVING it with no strings?

As someone who owns a house with family...let me tell you it's like having a fargin co-op board to deal with when major things go wrong...i cannot wait to buy them out or have my own so I can do what I want without having to hear crap!

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Posted by ewickens

I'm the one absolutely and the reasons why are below:

1. The couple can take the generous gift and buy a beautiful home in the husband's name. I assume the parents are not ready to pass away. They can live there without any mortgage - paying only the monthly utility bills and thus saving thousands of dollars each month.

2. When the parents do pass on and the estate is divided btw the sister and brother. At this point the new couple can decide to either buy the sister out (since they have been saving their money), or have the sister buy them out, and they can take the money they have been saving, the sister's money from the buy out and buy a beautiful home that will be far better than the one they just sold to the sister.

I'm thinking of Long Island and how difficult it is to find an affordable home/taxes in a nice area, and this gives the new couple the break they need to save for the home of their dreams.

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I think Mel said though that therein lies the issue; the sister was said to eb difficult and there seems to be fear about her being dfficult if a buyout needs to happen. If she refuses to buy them out or sell her share, they get screwed over. And she is making out waaay better with the condo AND half a house so makes me worry because prents seem to reaaaly spoil her and it would suck for Mels friend if they get screwed because the sister throws a hissy fit and the parents cave.

I agree with the other girls. This 'gift' is controlling & manipulative. However, I have a thought - I'm not a mortgage broker so if any are reading perhaps they can give more info BUT:

can you even get a house for $300k? (I don't live on LI anymore) If not, the balance would be in the form of a mortgage, yes?
WELL whosoever name is on the mortgage for the property AUTOMATICALLY goes on the deed. So if the bride & her DH pick a $400k house & finance the difference, guess what..... their name goes on the deed. No matter WHAT his parents say.

There is no way around it. I know b/c this happened to me. I bought a house with a mortgage and my dad co-signed b.c I woud get a better rate with his great credit.. His name went on the deed & i went BEZERK b/c I worried his new wife would battle me for my home if my dad passed away (she's a GOLDIGGER) . Even though I paid ALL the money & the down payment & everything - his name was on there. I called lawyers to get it off & everything & they said it was impossible.

SOOOOO she could take out a small mortgage on the home in HER NAME & get her name on there. Then they can't take the house from her. They'd have to buy her out.

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Posted by ewickens

I'm the one absolutely and the reasons why are below:

1. The couple can take the generous gift and buy a beautiful home in the husband's name. I assume the parents are not ready to pass away. They can live there without any mortgage - paying only the monthly utility bills and thus saving thousands of dollars each month.

2. When the parents do pass on and the estate is divided btw the sister and brother. At this point the new couple can decide to either buy the sister out (since they have been saving their money), or have the sister buy them out, and they can take the money they have been saving, the sister's money from the buy out and buy a beautiful home that will be far better than the one they just sold to the sister.

I'm thinking of Long Island and how difficult it is to find an affordable home/taxes in a nice area, and this gives the new couple the break they need to save for the home of their dreams.

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I think these are very good reasons to take the house but I think his family being involved so much would but a strain on their relationship. Owning and maintaining a home is hard enough without having to get okays and comments from 3 others one of whom doesn't even like the future wife. Based on what Melissa wrote i think the soon to be wife would also be made to feel a stranger in her own home and that alone would make it not worth it to me.

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Posted by carolinebr

WELL whosoever name is on the mortgage for the property AUTOMATICALLY goes on the deed. So if the bride & her DH pick a $400k house & finance the difference, guess what..... their name goes on the deed. No matter WHAT his parents say.

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the thing is they will NOT give the money unless THEY are the ones put on the property as the owners. so even if they find a $500K home, and want to mortage the other $200K -- the family won't give them the money unless they are put on as the owners of the home--and the mortgage. OR they will ONLY allow his name on there with theirs--but not his future wife's.

its beyond crazy. i feel bad for them cause this was the ONLY reason my this girl was having a wedding in the first place. she did NOT want a wedding cause they are wastes of money to her and she wanted to just put it all towards a house one day--but when the parents told her this months ago---she figured she'd have the wedding since the thing she was worried about was happening--and she could see spending the money on the wedding now. (she's trying to keep it as low key as possible either way)

but now all this is getting messed up and she's so pisssed at how crazy its all gotten