Wrong of me?

Is it wrong of me to feel a little sad about how much DH and I recieved in wedding gifts? Im not bitter or angry, just kind of dissappointed. I'm not complaining but I feel like alot of our guests really just came for food and dancing. I would never ever go to a wedding and give what some guests gave us. We could care less that we didnt make it all back but we got less than a quarter back. We didnt care at first but now we're really thinking about how crazy it is.

We had 130 rsvp yes and only 120 came. About 10 people gave absolutely nothing and about 5 or 6 couples gave only $50 for 2 people. I was telling my coworker exactly what we got back and she couldnt believe it, she was literally in shock. We were hoping for at least 10k so we can pay off old debts and put the rest in the savings. We got to do neither of that because of what we got. What gets me upset is that people I know have $$ didnt give anything. For example an extremely close family member of DH (wont say his exact role in the family for lurker reasons) and his gf were in the bridal party. Sure they spent a bit on being in the party but they gave nothing in the wedding. I know for a fact they had $$ that week because we went away with them to FL 3 days after the wedding and they spent ALOT. They never even offered to buy us dinner while we were out there and they made sure we chipped in on gas which was about $300 out of our pocket.

This vent is probably dumb to some but DH and I feel like some of our guests especially the ones that gave nothing could care less about the hard work we went through to throw an amazing wedding for them to enjoy.

this is the exact reason that i tell everyone not to think they're even going to come CLOSE to making anything back.

We didn't even get half back....but we weren't hurt at all. We were honored by some of the gestures and not surprised by some of the others...

ETA: it's not wrong of you no....it ***** no matter how you slice it...

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Posted by davenjess

this is the exact reason that i tell everyone not to think they're even going to come CLOSE to making anything back.

We didn't even get half back....but we weren't hurt at all. We were honored by some of the gestures and not surprised by some of the others...

ETA: it's not wrong of you no....it ***** no matter how you slice it...

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yea i knew we werent gonna make even half back...im just upset about the nerve of some people.

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Posted by jennandrolo

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Posted by davenjess

this is the exact reason that i tell everyone not to think they're even going to come CLOSE to making anything back.

We didn't even get half back....but we weren't hurt at all. We were honored by some of the gestures and not surprised by some of the others...

ETA: it's not wrong of you no....it ***** no matter how you slice it...

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yea i knew we werent gonna make even half back...im just upset about the nerve of some people.

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yeah - it BLOWS....we had a LOT Of people not show up - those are the ones that really hurt!

Technically speaking, according to etiquette, guests have up to a year to give a gift, so perhaps you'll still get some.

Try not to make yourself go crazy over this. The bottom line is that you are now married. The point of having your wedding was to facilitate the creation of your marriage, not necessarily throw a huge bash. I know it's hurtful to think that people don't care, but honestly, most people are clueless about wedding gifts. I know I was before we got married. It comes full circle, so just let this go, and just create a plan to work off your debt the old fashioned way.

No, it's not wrong of you.
I know how it is- you don't want to sound materialistic or ungrateful but you can't help thinking 'whats wrong with some people' (the ones that have $ & didn't give & situations like that)
It is dissapointing.

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Posted by Daisy Bride

No, it's not wrong of you.
I know how it is- you don't want to sound materialistic or ungrateful but you can't help thinking 'whats wrong with some people' (the ones that have $ & didn't give & situations like that)
It is dissapointing.

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yea like im not gonna let it completely bother me. dh is more upset about it than me. im just glad our day was beautiful and worth every penny we spent

well this really rich couple gave me and DH 25$ for two people...ahaha...so dont feel bad!
i made a nice sum...but did not expect to make back the money i spent....

sorry that happened...it's not wrong of you, but i do know how you feel

I think it happens to everyone. Like Liz said, dont linegr because you will only get more frustrated and though your wallets may hurt, at elats you have one another.

we had people who invited every extra family member they could give us a PICTURE FRAME for 4 people...yep thats it.

AND I got a whopping $10 bucks from one uncle. In cash, no card.

Yet others who we didnt want a gift from because we know their financial status and just wanted them with us, were so generous our eyeballs hurt.

We always try to give generously but some people don't have the means and some just don't have the etiquette. Don't dwell too long. Gets depressing.

Some poeple will send gifts late. Our anniversary was last week and I JUST got a nice card & a check & a gift for Ella.

We received some very generous gifts but we still totaled less than 30% of what the wedding cost.

Some people, especially in this economy, cannot afford to give a lavish gift. And my guess would be that some feel uncomfortable with not being able to give a nice gift. Would you rather them not come? Of course not, If they mean a lot to you, you want them there.

Some people will give it when they have it.

Some people don't realize what weddings cost.

Some people give what they got when they got married.

Don't dwell. You got the best gift of all - a husband. Some people don't ever get that .

I felt bad accepting gifts from anyone in my bridal party b/c they spent SO MUCH money to be IN my wedding..

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LIWEDDINGS!!!! But, the ONE bad thing about it is expectations change once you come on here. I never had heard of people giving gifts based on the price per head. And I never realized people made in gifts around what the reception hall cost. Maybe its because Im from oot. But it did raise my expectations a little, however only for the LI guests, not for the oot guests. But I think people come from all sorts of backgrounds and financial situations, that you can't really expect anything gift wise, you just have to appreciate what it is you recieved.

alot of people dont realize how much a wedding costs therefore they dont put much thought into a gift. It happens. Its not wrong of you, but you should just let it go, but you know what to give them from now on when they have soemthing to give a gift to.

I did not expect a gift from anyone that was in my bridal party though, rich or not. they spent $on dress/tux etc. and that was more then enough, besides it was the fact that they were there that was more inportant then giving me a gift, that was the best gift they could give us.

you got the best gift in the end, a husband, and that gift is forever. cherish in that moment and let it go, its not going to get you anywhere.

we never went into it expecting much at all. for us it was the 1st time that anyone on either side of our family had a real wedding. we made less than 1/3 of what we spent on the wedding. i considered it 'found money' and that was it.

try not to let it bother you---its done. you had a great day and the gifts were a bonus

Im really going to try and get this across without it coming out wrong.

Yes the situation ***** and you would think people around you would gift what in your mind is a 'normal' gift. But that is just not the way it is.

I had people come to my wedding and give nothing-not even a card-not getting a card from them upset me more then not getting a gift. I had people I know give us $50, or $75 for themselves and some for a couple...ya know what? I dont care. It was important to me to have some of those people who gifted very little spend the day with us and celebrate. If in the end you are counting your $ maybe your expectations were set high. No one can say they 'know' someone has money-everyone I know thinks I have money...and trust that right now we are just barely making it, the world and the world of your guests does not revolve around 'covering a plate' it sounds horrible but it is the truth-its a gift, something given that should be appreciated regardless of #.

I can understand you being upset but as someone else said, once you are on this site what you expect, etc. do change. I didnt plan my wedding according to what I expected to get back-my wedding was paid in full (except for 2 vendors) the day of my wedding. I expected nothing from anyone....if everyone showed up with nothing, i would have been more annoyed that I didnt get a card, but I didnt have a wedding to get money, I had it to share a special moment in our lives iwth the people around us that are close-just try and remember that IS what its all about

I dont think its wrong of you but Im just saying be PREPARED for the 'I didnt throw a wedding for the money' replies. I would be just as upset and I cannot believe the couple that you went to Florida with did that to you. Thats just NUTS. But I guess what can you do about it right? Some people just dont get it.
Some people didnt give us a gift, DH's best man didnt even give us a gift, but I would have been happy even if he gave us a card and he didnt even give us that. Im not gonna waste my energy being upset anymore. But right after the wedding I was annoyed. I think you have every right to be upset especially since you just got married.

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Posted by Songstress

I dont think its wrong of you but Im just saying be PREPARED for the 'I didnt throw a wedding for the money' replies. I would be just as upset and I cannot believe the couple that you went to Florida with did that to you. Thats just NUTS. But I guess what can you do about it right? Some people just dont get it.
Some people didnt give us a gift, DH's best man didnt even give us a gift, but I would have been happy even if he gave us a card and he didnt even give us that. Im not gonna waste my energy being upset anymore. But right after the wedding I was annoyed. I think you have every right to be upset especially since you just got married.

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yea that relative i mentioned didnt even give a card...and i hadnt planned on saying what relative but it was his brother and best man.

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Posted by PegaLega

Im really going to try and get this across without it coming out wrong.

Yes the situation ***** and you would think people around you would gift what in your mind is a 'normal' gift. But that is just not the way it is.

I had people come to my wedding and give nothing-not even a card-not getting a card from them upset me more then not getting a gift. I had people I know give us $50, or $75 for themselves and some for a couple...ya know what? I dont care. It was important to me to have some of those people who gifted very little spend the day with us and celebrate. If in the end you are counting your $ maybe your expectations were set high. No one can say they 'know' someone has money-everyone I know thinks I have money...and trust that right now we are just barely making it, the world and the world of your guests does not revolve around 'covering a plate' it sounds horrible but it is the truth-its a gift, something given that should be appreciated regardless of #.

I can understand you being upset but as someone else said, once you are on this site what you expect, etc. do change. I didnt plan my wedding according to what I expected to get back-my wedding was paid in full (except for 2 vendors) the day of my wedding. I expected nothing from anyone....if everyone showed up with nothing, i would have been more annoyed that I didnt get a card, but I didnt have a wedding to get money, I had it to share a special moment in our lives iwth the people around us that are close-just try and remember that IS what its all about

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i agree- I had some people who I invited and couldnt make it and didn't send a gift. And thats fine. But they didn't even send a card and that upset us.

I think my post came off a little wrong. I 100% was not expecting to get back all the $$ or could have cared less. That day DH and I were opening envelopes and counting the $$, I just shrugged it off because we just had an amazing day that everyone enjoyed and we both know it wasnt about the $.

I think I let it get to me when my coworker asked if we made off well and I told her how we made off...that led to a big talk and she made it seem like I got ripped off. Then it got me thinking but I think Im most upset about FH's brother. Everyone else that gave very little or nothing at all, I can understand why, its upsetting but Im not going to dwell on it or regret throwing the type of wedding I did.

I hate that I may have kind of come off as one of those selfish brides that only care about the $ and thats not the case.