wwyd

let's say your recently single friend asks you to go on a 2 week vacation with a bunch of other recently single people, but only stipulation is that your DH can not go with you.

let's also say your the only married one out of this particular group of friends, and everyone is berating you to come along and if you don't, the friendships you have with this group will be ruined.

care to offer me some advice?

Re: wwyd

Couple of questions:

Does the location warrant it to be 2 weeks? Or is the extended stay just for time off purposes?

Is this a location that you and DH want to go to?

If it's not very far I might go for some of the trip. DH is a teacher and I've contemplated going on trips with friends. But most of the places I want to go to are ones he has not been to as well and I would hate to see it without him. I have been on a couple trips without him....but never for 2 weeks.

Re: wwyd

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Posted by 2010BTB

Couple of questions:

Does the location warrant it to be 2 weeks? Or is the extended stay just for time off purposes?

Is this a location that you and DH want to go to?

If it's not very far I might go for some of the trip. DH is a teacher and I've contemplated going on trips with friends. But most of the places I want to go to are ones he has not been to as well and I would hate to see it without him. I have been on a couple trips without him....but never for 2 weeks.

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it's up in maine (about a 13 hour drive) in my friend's cabin, and DH couldn't get off work even if he was invited. I went with this particular friend to her cabin about 10 years ago and to be honest- it's rather boring.

She wants to go have this crazy adventure now that she's single. The reason she doesn't want DH going is because she wants me to be her 'wing man' and is planning on putting me in very uncomfortable positions. Plus, she knows I don't drink and drive so I think she's planning on having me be the DD the entire trip. I haven't told DH about it because frankly I don't want to go. But I've been friends with her since we were little, and the ultimatum she gave me was pretty serious.

Re: wwyd

Yikes, these dont sound like friends at all!?!

Who would give their friend an ultimatum like that?? 2 weeks?! Im sorry but thats a long time to go on a vacation without DH. And for them to actually hold the friendship over your head that way seems like they are very selfish people.

Sorry love. Thats bullshyt.

Re: wwyd

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Posted by kshea23

let's say your recently single friend asks you to go on a 2 week vacation with a bunch of other recently single people, but only stipulation is that your DH can not go with you.

let's also say your the only married one out of this particular group of friends, and everyone is berating you to come along and if you don't, the friendships you have with this group will be ruined.

care to offer me some advice?

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Just my opinion and dont hate me for saying this but....
If my friendship with this group is ruined because I wouldnt go on vacation with them I would say adios! If people dont understand that you are married and that you wouldnt go away without DH for 2 weeks I feel they arent your real friends to begin with.
- I cant see a weekend but not 2 weeks

Re: wwyd

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by kshea23

let's say your recently single friend asks you to go on a 2 week vacation with a bunch of other recently single people, but only stipulation is that your DH can not go with you.

let's also say your the only married one out of this particular group of friends, and everyone is berating you to come along and if you don't, the friendships you have with this group will be ruined.

care to offer me some advice?

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Just my opinion and dont hate me for saying this but....
If my friendship with this group is ruined because I wouldnt go on vacation with them I would say adios! If people dont understand that you are married and that you wouldnt go away without DH for 2 weeks I feel they arent your real friends to begin with.
- I cant see a weekend but not 2 weeks

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thank you for saying what I couldn't! I'm shocked that she would pull that card on me, but ever since her breakup, she's been a totally different person. We have nothing in common anymore, other than the past.

Re: wwyd

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Posted by kshea23

it's up in maine (about a 13 hour drive) in my friend's cabin, and DH couldn't get off work even if he was invited. I went with this particular friend to her cabin about 10 years ago and to be honest- it's rather boring.

She wants to go have this crazy adventure now that she's single. The reason she doesn't want DH going is because she wants me to be her 'wing man' and is planning on putting me in very uncomfortable positions. Plus, she knows I don't drink and drive so I think she's planning on having me be the DD the entire trip. I haven't told DH about it because frankly I don't want to go. But I've been friends with her since we were little, and the ultimatum she gave me was pretty serious.

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Sorry - gonna have to agree with the other girls. To me Maine is not a 2 week vacation trip with your girls. Definitely a weekend away. But for me to use up pretty much all of my vacation time at work and a good chunk of money to do so...I would rather spend it with DH somewhere.

These really don't sound like the most caring friends. They basically want you to go so you can be like their 'house mom' and take care of them. The fact that she even gave you an ultimatum is ridiculous. My friends will invite me out for a night and if I say no cause I flat out tell them I want to spend it with DH they'll poke fun at me but that's about as harsh as it gets. I will never get an ultimatum from my friends.

Re: wwyd

Origingally I was going to say hells yes, go, but after you explained how your friends are basically going to use you for their own devices the whole time, I say BAIL! Especially since its 2 whole weeks! Maybe you could meet up with them for a long weekend or something so that your friends won't get mad and cut all ties?

Re: wwyd

I;m all for some quality time away with the girls but this all just seems super strange.

Why is she giving you a choice?? Either come or we aren't friends?!? Ummm, then she really isn't a friend at all.

And she actually said you would be her wing man?!?! That's all kind of crazy.

It seems like you dont want to go and to be honest, 2 weeks is a LONG time to be stuck with a bunch of people you dont really feel like being around especially with this kinda stuff hanging over your head.

It's hard to cut the cord but if this chick doesn't bounch back from her new way, you might just have to. It's not really fair to you.

Re: wwyd

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Posted by Chanwich
Maybe you could meet up with them for a long weekend or something so that your friends won't get mad and cut all ties?

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I think 2 weeks is too long for a trip to Maine without your DH. If your friends are going to hold that against you because they don't understand being a newlywed, that's not fair to you.

I would try to counter offer - maybe go for one of the weekends or even just one week. Otherwise, perhaps offer to do a 'girls night out' another weekend.

Re: wwyd

i agree with celia- this doesnt sound like a real friend if she is putting limits and ultamatums on your relationship.

Re: wwyd

thanks girls! I feel like i'm always on here complaining about this one friend (she was the one with the annoying and dis-respectful BF that DH and I couldn't stand)

all of you are right- she's not a friend (actually if you've ever read 'something borrowed' by emily griffin, my friend is darcy to a T). I'm going to sit down with DH tonight and talk about this. It's been bugging me for days, but she called me today and threw her ultimatum in my face and that just pushed me over the edge.


thanks again everyone!!

Re: wwyd

you asked what I would do and I'm going to say I'd bail. I would be completely turned off that a friendship could be ruined over something like this and would reevaluate the relationship

be her wingman? I think if you go it will be completely uncomfortable for you. A weekend is one thing but 2 weeks is outrageous IMO

Re: wwyd

Buh bye! I know it sucks bc she was a longtime close friend but to give u an ultimatum like that???? No way, I would be soooooo done!

Re: wwyd

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Posted by mtk1605

Buh bye! I know it sucks bc she was a longtime close friend but to give u an ultimatum like that???? No way, I would be soooooo done!

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This exactly. Not a friend in my book if she's giving you ultimatums :-/

Re: wwyd

Don't go - I feel like if they give ultimatums like that they are jealous and trying to hold you back.

Just recently went through something similar (although it involved a 4 day stay in PA) and I didn't go - whole bunch of drama and mean things were said (about me being pregnant, which I hope you never have to go through, it really stinks). And you know what, lol, from what I heard from another friend, some messed up things happened up there. Glad I dodged that bullet.

Re: wwyd

Speaking from someone who just went away for 2 weeks without DH, I would NEVER do it again! It was too long and I missed him too much. Granted it was a different country but Maine or Italy, 2 weeks is too long for DH to not be with me.

Also, where do they draw the line? DH isn't invited. If you don't go, friendship is over. Are you going to be able to call him while you're up there? Is she going to stop talking to you if you tell a guy your married, instead of being her wingman? To me this isn't a friend. A friend doesn't control your actions, a friend is happy for you. While she might be going through something, you're newly married and it's complete BS for her to say 'me or him' because in the long run, you are going to always pick him!

Re: wwyd

The thing is is that some friends really aren't your friends. Girls are mean and some can't be happy for others. I had friends like this that always put me in weird positions but I ALLOWED IT. Basically I dropped a couple of friends but I have an amazing relationship!

Re: wwyd

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Posted by kshea23

thank you for saying what I couldn't! I'm shocked that she would pull that card on me, but ever since her breakup, she's been a totally different person. We have nothing in common anymore, other than the past.

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it sounds like you have already made your decision deep down even if you haven't voiced it aloud.
I'm the type of person that I wouldn't go on any type of vacation without DH and neither would he. HOWEVER, I know that people do and its up to the person to decide how much time away is right for them. But 2 weeks sounds kind of long and especially for the purposes that she intends to use you for. I say 'use' because that is exactly what she wants to do. I know she may be hurt from coming out of a relationship but your not the same person you were either and anyone who will put an ulitmatum on your friendship isn't a friend to begin with. We grow up and away from people and that has to be ok. Remember the fun times you had together and move forward.