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XOXO
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
That's a depressing thought!
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
no.... are you feeling that way? we are here to listen ![]()
the first year for most people is the hardest...i know it was for me!
the first year for most people is the hardest...i know it was for me!
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
i think its only human to second guess yourself but i think you have to put aside the things that are bothering you about him right now and try and thinkj of the things that made you want to marry him in the first place. then try and work through the things that arent making you happy. did you try and explain to him that there are certain things that just dont sit right with you? ![]()
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
there are plenty of times I think about all the guys I've dated and wondered what if I married them...and YES, I get ged up with DH crap sometimes too, but then there are times that he is just so sweet. It's all about compromise....he used to throw all his clothes all over our room...now he has a chair he's allowed to throw it all on, I still HATE it, but it works for the both of us (for now)
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Honestly no. We have our days where it's stressful but I kissed a lot of frogs and definitely married my prince.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
I think everbody at one time feel that way at first it really hard the first year of marriage. Especially if you never live with your mate. You have to have lots of communication.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Don't get discouraged. The fist year is the hardest. Keep communicating and choose your battles, some things are just not worth getting into an argument over. Never give up!!
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
If this is the first time you are living with your husband..give it time. Its a big adjustment.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
You have FM
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Before the wedding, I did have doubts--my parents divorced after 35 years, and I just had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that people may not be 100% sure--that marriage is a leap of faith, and the most important decision you ever make. But that's exactly what it is--a leap of faith. I wanted someone to tell me for certain that I was making the right choice--but only you know that. The man that married us discussed marriage with us a great deal--he said marriage can either make you the happiest person alive or the most miserable. But it takes time, a great deal of time and effort, to make it work. No one's marriage is effortless, it's just we don't often talk of the bad times (online at least). Sure, I get pissed at my DH, and marriage isn't exactly what we had discussed (I am definitely doing more of the cleaning than I thought!), but in the end he is definitely the first face I want to see in the morning and the last one at night. And that's what it is all about. That, and he is my best friend. He is not the rich doctor my parents wanted, but I cannot imagine my life without him.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Aww Beth that was so sweet.![]()
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Posted by nov04LIbride
Before the wedding, I did have doubts--my parents divorced after 35 years, and I just had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that people may not be 100% sure--that marriage is a leap of faith, and the most important decision you ever make. But that's exactly what it is--a leap of faith. I wanted someone to tell me for certain that I was making the right choice--but only you know that. The man that married us discussed marriage with us a great deal--he said marriage can either make you the happiest person alive or the most miserable. But it takes time, a great deal of time and effort, to make it work. No one's marriage is effortless, it's just we don't often talk of the bad times (online at least). Sure, I get pissed at my DH, and marriage isn't exactly what we had discussed (I am definitely doing more of the cleaning than I thought!), but in the end he is definitely the first face I want to see in the morning and the last one at night. And that's what it is all about. That, and he is my best friend. He is not the rich doctor my parents wanted, but I cannot imagine my life without him.
I have to tell you what you wrote was so well put! I really enjoyed reading your outlook. My parents are also divorced after 19 years. For awhile I was pretty sour about marriage. I dated my DH for 7 years before we got engaged. I honestly have to say though, we have had NO problems with one another and we never lived together before we got married. I think a lot of it has to do with he is SUCH a big help around the house. He definitely does his share and probably more. I remember though to never take advantage of him and to always express how much I appreciate all that he does. He says to me....'Why are you thanking me. I am not doing it for you but for us.' Marriage definitely has to be group effort.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Posted by J.Lo24
I have to tell you what you wrote was so well put! I really enjoyed reading your outlook. My parents are also divorced after 19 years. For awhile I was pretty sour about marriage. I dated my DH for 7 years before we got engaged. I honestly have to say though, we have had NO problems with one another and we never lived together before we got married. I think a lot of it has to do with he is SUCH a big help around the house. He definitely does his share and probably more. I remember though to never take advantage of him and to always express how much I appreciate all that he does. He says to me....'Why are you thanking me. I am not doing it for you but for us.' Marriage definitely has to be group effort.
We did live together and we bought a house together before marriage, so that may have made the transition easier. From what I remember when we first moved in together it was a very natural and easy process.
But Phil is also the type of person who does more than his share of cleaning, cooking, painting, building, organizing, etc... I honestly think out of the 2 of us I am the one more difficult to live with. He goes above and beyond for me.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
We did live together and we bought a house together before marriage, so that may have made the transition easier. From what I remember when we first moved in together it was a very natural and easy process.
But Phil is also the type of person who does more than his share of cleaning, cooking, painting, building, organizing, etc... I honestly think out of the 2 of us I am the one more difficult to live with. He goes above and beyond for me.
I second those words above!!!
I'm just lurking here on the Newlywed board---but felt I needed to reply to this post......We are going through the same thing now--we have lived together, bought a house, and will be married in October.
There have been a few times when both of us had those 'doubts'---it's normal in any relationship and marriage does take work---nobody is perfect, everybody has their quirks----you just need to fight your way through them and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS communicate!! It is the KEY to any relationship.
Josh opened me up over the last five years and without him, I'd still be an emotionally closed and withdrawn woman--but he taught me how to 'be in a relationship' with the one you love and although he is younger than me, in many ways he is the mature one in the relationship. So, maybe you need to take a step back and be the 'mature' one and lead your DH in the 'right' direction.
Sometimes I wonder if our relationship runs a bit backwards--he does the majority of house cleaning and chores.....mainly b/c I work and go to school full-time---but we work together very well and you have to find that 'medium' where you can both be happy. Compromise, communicate, and cherish one another (The 3 C's).........so, that's my advice (from a non-married, but close enough girl)
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
I do sometimes wonder...but I always get over it. We didn't live together before we got married and the transistion has been hard...I think it is partly because I'm in a situation where I've moved to be with DH and I'm far away from my family, I had to quit my job, I basically gave up my life as I knew it for my DH...sometimes I wonder, not so much was it worth it, but where could I have been if I didn't get married...? ![]()
But, not too long ago, we had a huge argument and DH told me that I had really hurt him, possibly irreparably. and then I started to panic. It made me realize just how important my marriage and my DH are in my life, and the thought that I had damaged and possibly ruined it really put things in perspective for me. My pride and stubborness and being right really mean nothing in the face of losing DH...not that I always practice that...but I'm working on it - and I think that's what's important.![]()
But, not too long ago, we had a huge argument and DH told me that I had really hurt him, possibly irreparably. and then I started to panic. It made me realize just how important my marriage and my DH are in my life, and the thought that I had damaged and possibly ruined it really put things in perspective for me. My pride and stubborness and being right really mean nothing in the face of losing DH...not that I always practice that...but I'm working on it - and I think that's what's important.
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Re: anyone ever think they made the wrong choice
Posted by pauls bride
well it's definitely good to hear i am not the only one. I have lived with my husband for two years before we got married, but there are definitely times like this when i questions the marriage part. i guess it's just really scary to know that you can't leave whenever you want, like a boyfriend. He is great but when it's bad, it's really bad. I guess it has a lot to do with both of our family historys and how we relate to each other. I think in the end, it will all work out i guess i just needed to know that other people felt the same way i do at times and everyone else doesn't just have the fairytale marriages that they seem to. Thanks everyone for your advice and for making me feel like i'm not alone out there. :)
Here's what I learned so far (only a couple months experience here!)--you have to make time for fun! Life can become so mundane and monotonous--work, dinner, bed, work, dinner, bed...On weekends shopping and cleaning. You need to make time for more, even if it is just getting ice cream or going to a movie or out to dinner. One day we were driving and quiet for a minute and I started freaking out--I don't ever want to become one of those old couples eating in restaurants with nothing to say to one another! But the more I freaked out, the less I had to say since I was just worried. So try not to worry about it being bad, and instead focus on the good, and having fun like you used to when you were dating. Remember the reasons why you said yes when he asked you to marry him!
