As some of you may remember, DH’s friend Joey has been a constant thorn in my side for months. He’s out of work, always at our house, and always in some “crisis” requiring DH. Now it is important to note that Joey is out of work because HE STOLE MONEY from his father. Hundreds of thousands of dollars from his father’s car dealership. Now no one will hire him. DUUUUH.
I have f*cking HAD IT. I just told DH yesterday that he needs to refocus and that Joey’s problems are not OUR problems. DH has gotten himself overinvolved in Joey’s life. He is arranging interviews for him, he sees him EVERY day, they talk literally 10x a day. DH wakes up in the morning & calls him before he gets out of bed. I am at my wits end. This past weekend, once again, poor Joey “needed” DH. DH went out Fri & Sat night till all hours and he slept all day yesterday. Nice. You’re a great father. A$$hole.
So BIL & MIL own a restaurant/catering business. DH tried to get Joey a job with one of their biggest customers. So the people were ready to hire Joey when they found out he’s a F*CKING THIEF. So they ask BIL “why would you recommend someone who could STEAL from us?” They are so mad, as well they should be! But my DH, who cares about Joey more than me, Ella and his family combined, took Joey’s side.
So what happened next? Naturally, my 31 year old husband and his 28 year old brother got into a FIST FIGHT. F*cking losers. I am so disgusted.
So now DH & Joey show up AT MY OFFICE trying to get to me & give their side. I yelled at DH.- I didn’t care. I said “now your mother is upset & you are not speaking to your brother because you once again picked your friends over your family. Nice work.”
Then he begs me to call his mother for him & get him allowed back in the deli (he bartends there 1 night a week. Um, no. This is YOUR mess. You fix it.
I am SO LIVID RIGHT NOW. My MIL is in tears, my BIL swears they’ll never speak again. I am about ready to throw DH out. And I’m not kidding. He can go stay at Joey’s for a while since that’s where his loyalties lie.
HeatherRose
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
wow, this really stinks. His friend is a complete loser who is just dragging your husband down and now ruining anything good in his life. your DH needs to kick him to the curb. good luck and I hope it all turns out okay.
why are men so stupid sometimes
HamptonsBride
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
I am sorry you have to put up with this crap...I think it's time your Dh realized he has to grow up & accept that he is a husband & a father now...and that along with that comes a lifestyle change...hanging out with your 'buddies' all weekend is no longer acceptable.
Nor is recommending them to people when he is a freakin' criminal...it reflects badly on you guys....good luck!
bonniejd
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, but just wanted to say that I hope whatever you end up doing makes a better situation for you and ella!
Cpt2007
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I agree with the others though...time for your DH to grow up and sounds like he needs some VERY tough love.
joshisgirl
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
caroline, i honestly cannot believe that u have to put up this sh*t!!! y do u think he's so obsessed with joey?? i'm so confused that he's willing to put joey ahead of everyone else. it's like the twilight zone! i agree with the other girls... u have to show him life would be with at joeys'.
Jennifer907
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Posted by kahlua716
I agree- it's ultimatum time. Sorry you're going through this.
Sometimes I feel like the fire dept. is more important to DH than anything else- including me. That's why I'm not in a huge rush to have kids yet.
Good Luck!!!
I could have written this myself. We get into arguments over it, so I feel your pain. I agree with the other posts...ultimatum time. Sorry you're dealing with this.
ligirlz
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Wow I am so sorry you are going through this. How can DH pick a bum/con artist over his lovely wife and beautiful child and family. i just don't get it. It seems like he is too obsessed and like the others said I would just tell him to go live on Joey's couch for a week and see how he likes being married to Joey. Then he will realize what he is missing at home and crawl back.
Here are some and I hope he ends up doing the right thing. Good luck.
the future mrs m
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
hugs girl, ella is GORGEOUS!
EverlovingEv
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
OMG! I'm sooo sorry! No advice for you babe, but I hope DH realizes that he's made a lot of mistakes lately and does the right thing now.
EverlovingEv
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Ok, I just read some of the advice given to you by the NW on this topic and I have to say that I don't necessarily agree with giving him an ultimatum. For whatever reason, you know that DH feels very strongly about Joey and you also know that DH feels very strongly about you too (despite some of his actions lately), therefore giving him an ultimatum will inevitably cause him to resent you if he picks you over Joey. I think that there needs to be a happy medium. Maybe therapy will help....or talking to him.....I don't know. I know that it's easier said than done, but you two should really talk it out. Maybe there is an underlying reason for DH's crazy commitment to Joey??? Whatever the reason, you should calmly explain all the facts and as long as DH is a reasonable and logical man, he should be able to understand.
Hope this works out for you
Shell84
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
I am sorry to hear what you're going through. I read your post and I thinik it's weird that your husband is so attached to his friend. I will question that friendship and see if it's more than just that.
BlushingBride714
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
I agree with Ev on this one... I was thinking pretty much the same thing. I'm not sure it's ultimatum time just yet. He's getting sh*t from his mother and his brother about Joey (albeit, he deserves all the sh*t they give him - but let's remember boys don't look at things that way). Is he the 'you're not the boss of me' type of guy? If so, an ultimatum might not turn in your favor - with everyone on his case about this guy, he may decide to rebel against all of it and hang onto Joey even tighter and that will only add fuel to the fire. The only advice I have is trying some therapy. I know therapy sounds corny but there has to be some reason that DH is holding on to this @sshole so tightly and neglecting everyone else in his life. Maybe some therapy will get it out of him. Have you tried pointing out that Joey is not really a good role model to have around for Ella - I doubt your husband really wants to be teaching her Joey's values (or lack there of). I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
kellybean
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Posted by Shell84
I am sorry to hear what you're going through. I read your post and I thinik it's weird that your husband is so attached to his friend. I will question that friendship and see if it's more than just that.
I have to agree with this. To upset his wife mother and Daughter and beat up his brother....more sounds to me like something a guy would do defending the girlfriend no one likes. I hate to sound me but I would try to examine the friendship a little closer. And I know that sounds horrible and its not an easy thing to consider. just my oppinion. If I can help in any way let me know
carolinebr
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Posted by kellybean
Posted by Shell84
I am sorry to hear what you're going through. I read your post and I thinik it's weird that your husband is so attached to his friend. I will question that friendship and see if it's more than just that.
I have to agree with this. To upset his wife mother and Daughter and beat up his brother....more sounds to me like something a guy would do defending the girlfriend no one likes. I hate to sound me but I would try to examine the friendship a little closer. And I know that sounds horrible and its not an easy thing to consider. just my oppinion. If I can help in any way let me know
He's not gay, he's just an idiot.
kellybean
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
I wasnt trying to offend you I really wasnt.
Colette
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
UGGGGGH!!!! Caroline I thought Joey was a distant memory, I'm SO SORRY you're still dealing with this loser. Anyway DH always points out to me that he and his BF are like brothers, even more than he and his REAL brother are. So, its a 'thick and thin' relationship, and its even more real to them sometimes than man & wife... especially if he and I are having a 'thing' - his regression to teenage behavior is amazingly FAST... In any event, I know what I'd be doing if I had this problem, I'd either tell him to pack a bag and get to stepping to Joey's (cause you've been EXTREMELY patient with this for months now) ORRRRRR I'd make it my business to get away for a few days myself. I'd be packing a bag, scooping up Ella, calling out sick on Friday and heading to a friends house or my sister's. THat's probably not the 'right' way to handle it, but in all honesty, if I stayed around things would get ugly really fast. Better to take a few days and let cooler heads prevail. Come down to Queens, you can stay with me and we can watch IDOL
Hope it resolves quickly though, your DH is a good guy I know that, but big whoop, we're all 'good' people. He might just be a little obtuse on how toxic this Joey is... And can I predict that in the not too distant future DH will get burned by this fool and say 'Caroline, you were right blahblahblah'.... and you can just smile pretty and say 'told ya'....
carolinebr
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Posted by Colette
lf. I'd be packing a bag, scooping up Ella, calling out sick on Friday and heading to a friends house or my sister's. THat's probably not the 'right' way to handle it, but in all honesty, if I stayed around things would get ugly really fast. Better to take a few days and let cooler heads prevail. Come down to Queens, you can stay with me and we can watch IDOL
funny you should say that! I already asked for a vacation day Friday & was hoping to get away BUT my SIL is suddenly flying in from Georgia tomorrow to surprise MIL for Mother's day and bring the new 4 week old baby, so I'm staying put for now.
Colette
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Re: You have never seen me this angry
Posted by carolinebr
funny you should say that! I already asked for a vacation day Friday & was hoping to get away BUT my SIL is suddenly flying in from Georgia tomorrow to surprise MIL for Mother's day and bring the new 4 week old baby, so I'm staying put for now.
Ooooooo Caroline, we're 'like this' you and me (does that thing pointing at our eyeballs).... OK thats nice you'll stay around for SIL's visit. And MOTHERS DAY!!! OMG your DH better get back to his senses ASAP before he screws that up for you and his mommy. He probably doesn't even REALIZE its Sunday, my DH always forgets. Can you buy a mother's day card for him to sign for his mom, and leave it on the coffee table or something? He'll get the hint!!!!
