10 Ways to make time for your mate after the baby arrives

Approved by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

You won't ever find time for your partner — you have to make it. Many experts recommend that you make a weekly date night, get a babysitter, and get out of the house together. But the reality is that this is easier said than done. So what can you do?
First, acknowledge to each other that life really has changed and that your relationship will play second fiddle to the new baby in your home for at least the first year or so. It's even normal for a husband to feel a little left out as his wife, now a new mother, gets swept up in the care and needs of the baby (see Sex and the New Dad). After some time, when life feels like it's settled into a routine, you'll find that you can forge a new kind of intimacy and closeness.

It takes time to make the transition from partner to parent. When you're finally ready for some one-on-one time with your mate, try these suggestions:


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What's below:
• Strive for a real date night.

• Make a date night at home.

• Get creative.

• Send a love letter.

• Buy season tickets.

• Treat weekends like weekends.

• Create some post-work rituals.

• Plan your own rituals.

• Play games.

• Make time for yourself, too.

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Strive for a real date night.
Arrange for evening babysitting (see finding a babysitter). If cost is an issue — or if you'd just feel more comfortable leaving the baby with someone you know — look into starting a babysitting co-op. And remember, you don't have to have a full-fledged night on the town: The goal is simply to get some time alone with each other. So take a walk, grab a bite, go to the movies.


Make a date night at home.
You don't need a sitter to really pay attention to each other. Once your baby has settled down for the night — or at least for a few hours — seize some together time. Resist collapsing on the couch and switching on the TV, or slouching off to finish work. Sit together for some face-to-face time. Focusing on each other for as little as ten minutes can make a huge difference. All too often, new parents can forget even to make eye contact with each other. By simply carving out some moments just to be together you'll feel more connected and in touch. (Chances are you'll start having more sex, too.)

Get creative.
You don't have to wait for the sun to go down to spend quality time with each other. For instance, you can use your commute time to be together or grab lunch together. It's surprising how animated conversation can become when you're meeting in the middle of the day and there's no baby or batch of chores to worry about.

Send a love letter.
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You don't have to pen Shakespearean prose to get your honey's heart pumping. You can say 'I love you' with a quick e-mail, note, or voicemail.

Buy season tickets.
If you've already paid for seats at a concert, theater, or sporting event, you'll feel committed to going. To cut the cost, split the season tickets — and babysitting duties — with another couple with a baby.

Treat weekends like weekends.
Pack the diaper bag, take out the stroller or a backpack, and enjoy a weekend activity as a family. Museums, malls, parks, outdoor events, and the like are all baby-compatible.

Create some post-work rituals.
Try taking a walk together every evening with your baby. While your baby gets another walk or play time, you two can really connect at day's end.

Plan your own rituals.
Start a weekly video and take-out dinner night. Once your baby settles into a predictable bedtime, life really changes (yet another great reason to work toward instituting a regular bedtime). Watching a video is an easy way to enjoy a little down time together.

Play games.
Games are a great way to connect, so dust off the chess set, a deck of cards, the Monopoly board, or whatever else you both enjoying playing.

Make time for yourself, too.
New parents, especially moms, really need alone-time before they can start giving to yet another person. Happy parents make for a happier baby.