101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Original post by Espo22

Aug 20, 2007 10:04 AM

Has anyone read this book? I just bought it yesterday and started reading it last night and this morning on the train. It is a great read and definitely makes you look at some things differently.

Its not like 101 specific detailed things you do. Not like 'say i love you before you go to bed' (i just made that up) but it really goes alot deeper than that. It also helps for you to find your own true happiness which they say you need in order to have a loving relationship. It is a couple that wrote the book together and they come right out and say how they had alot of hard times and came close to divorce but that people just need to realize that no relationship is perfect, every relationship will have its downfalls and we go through seasons and you will hit some hard winters. But also its the hard times and the fight to work through things that can make your relationship stronger and you learn more about eachother. The couple are both therapists and also do marriage counseling so they use alot of examples

Each chapter is topics we mostly all deal with. They either speak about their own experience and what they went through and how they worked it out or they give an example of another couple and either speak of how they worked it out, or even didn't work it out and what prevented them from working it out.

The couple even say they don't want to tell you what to do but just how to look at things differently. I personally love the advice they give and agree with it.

Definitely recommend this book

******UPDATE********

here are some of the chapter titles, theres 101 obviously lol...i wont list all but ill list ALOT lol, just to give you an idea about the book

-great relationships don't just happen; they are created

-vulnerability is disarming

-one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness

-It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time

-when you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information

-the only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree

-commitment isn't a prison; its a means to graeter freedom

-it isn't conflict that destroys marriages; its the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding

-it's not what you got, it's what you do with it

-even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters

-growing up in a happy family doesn't ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doesn't preclude having one

-it's never too late to repair damaged trust

-If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together

-the prince isn't going to come

-one person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your emotional needs

-the real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about

-love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring

-even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they have married the wrong person

-your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you to rescue yourself

-guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want

-give what you want to receive

-dont neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse

-resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points

-what you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself

-your partner is your teacher and your student

-if your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be

-trust can be rebuilt, even after a painful betrayal, but it may require hard work

-marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up

-being attracted to someone else doesn't diminish the quality of your marrige; acting on that attraction does

-possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love

-don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them

-your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength

-if your partner thinks something is important, it is!

-the sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary

-it's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your partner did to make things wrong

-when two hearts are connect, the biggest problems become workable; when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insurmountable

-constructive criticism generally isn't

-assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them

Espo22 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 08:33 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

bump, i updated the first post

Espo22 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 08:34 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by shoegal68

i totally agree with this statement: 'There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.'

do you know how many times my FH asks me the same questions over & over

sometimes i really have to bite my tongue

i can't wait to read it.. then i'm giving to my FH !!!

im giving it to fh too to read after im done lol...the funny part is he said yeah but im not reading it on the train lol

ant n tilde Posted: Aug 21, 2007 08:47 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE EVER:

'The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree.'

Seriously, I want to embroider this on a pillow for my home.

There are so many things that FH and I do that I KNOW other couples would think we are nuts - and sometimes we get caught up in other couples and their relationships and we forget what works for US.

I am going to get this book when I order every single other book that Dr. Laura ever wrote LOL I am almost done with the first one. . . although they are completely different books. . . i am spending so much time preparing for the wedding - i want to get in the mindset to prepare for the marriage!

thanks for posting denise!

Espo22 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 08:50 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by ant n tilde

THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE EVER:

'The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree.'

Seriously, I want to embroider this on a pillow for my home.

There are so many things that FH and I do that I KNOW other couples would think we are nuts - and sometimes we get caught up in other couples and their relationships and we forget what works for US.

I am going to get this book when I order every single other book that Dr. Laura ever wrote LOL I am almost done with the first one. . . although they are completely different books. . . i am spending so much time preparing for the wedding - i want to get in the mindset to prepare for the marriage!

thanks for posting denise!

hahahah yeah theres a chapter in the book 'if you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast' they do talk throughout the book about each relationship being different and what works for some won't work for others. Its kind of taking what you both have and going with that and how the differences is what makes it work and blah blah blah

No problem

ant n tilde Posted: Aug 21, 2007 09:01 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by Espo22

Posted by ant n tilde

THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE EVER:

'The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree.'

Seriously, I want to embroider this on a pillow for my home.

There are so many things that FH and I do that I KNOW other couples would think we are nuts - and sometimes we get caught up in other couples and their relationships and we forget what works for US.

I am going to get this book when I order every single other book that Dr. Laura ever wrote LOL I am almost done with the first one. . . although they are completely different books. . . i am spending so much time preparing for the wedding - i want to get in the mindset to prepare for the marriage!

thanks for posting denise!

hahahah yeah theres a chapter in the book 'if you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast' they do talk throughout the book about each relationship being different and what works for some won't work for others. Its kind of taking what you both have and going with that and how the differences is what makes it work and blah blah blah

No problem

yeah i got ripped apart on LIF bc i made a comment that FH and I don't have intellectual conversations. . .and I almost lied and pretended that i was kidding. . .but you know what? I wasnt kidding - we dont

we crack each other up - we talk about the stupidest stuff. . .or we just sit and dont talk at all . . . but we arent the type to get all deep. . .never were. . .and everyone was basically PITYING me. . . and i felt bad about it until i thought about how lucky i was that we crack each other up and i didnt NEED all that other stuff!

megzzie Posted: Aug 21, 2007 09:03 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

I have this book and I've been meaning to read it but I've just been so busy preparing for school and teaching - I really want to read it asap though!

Espo22 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 09:06 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by Espo22

Posted by ant n tilde

THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE EVER:

'The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree.'

Seriously, I want to embroider this on a pillow for my home.

There are so many things that FH and I do that I KNOW other couples would think we are nuts - and sometimes we get caught up in other couples and their relationships and we forget what works for US.

I am going to get this book when I order every single other book that Dr. Laura ever wrote LOL I am almost done with the first one. . . although they are completely different books. . . i am spending so much time preparing for the wedding - i want to get in the mindset to prepare for the marriage!

thanks for posting denise!

hahahah yeah theres a chapter in the book 'if you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast' they do talk throughout the book about each relationship being different and what works for some won't work for others. Its kind of taking what you both have and going with that and how the differences is what makes it work and blah blah blah

No problem

yeah i got ripped apart on LIF bc i made a comment that FH and I don't have intellectual conversations. . .and I almost lied and pretended that i was kidding. . .but you know what? I wasnt kidding - we dont

we crack each other up - we talk about the stupidest stuff. . .or we just sit and dont talk at all . . . but we arent the type to get all deep. . .never were. . .and everyone was basically PITYING me. . . and i felt bad about it until i thought about how lucky i was that we crack each other up and i didnt NEED all that other stuff!

every relationship is different and what works for one couple doesn't work for another

Espo22 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 09:07 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by megzzie

I have this book and I've been meaning to read it but I've just been so busy preparing for school and teaching - I really want to read it asap though!

i think you'll enjoy it and its a quick read

Autumn08 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 09:14 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

I went to half.com and ordered the book so hopefully I will get it soon. And FH said he'll read it too! Thanks!

Espo22 Posted: Aug 21, 2007 09:33 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by Autumn08

I went to half.com and ordered the book so hopefully I will get it soon. And FH said he'll read it too! Thanks!

Great!!! yeah i showed FH some chapters and even he read it and was like hmmmm ok its not a one sided type of book, no man bashing lol. The husband talks about things that ALOT of guys feel but some are afraid to say they feel like that, and i think it helps them to see OHHHhh ok its normal lol

jennielovesbryan Posted: Aug 21, 2007 11:31 PM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

it sounds like a must read!! im reading one now that i cant put down.. its called the birth order connection by dr. kevin leman.. its amazingg and soo true.. it talks about what your birth order means and what birth order makes the best match for you.. i am a last born and it totally described me perfectly.. i def reccomend it.. it really makes you think about how people react with one another.. and what things in your life made you the way you are today.. its a great read.. it is the follow up to the birth order book.. that descibes what your birth order means.. i am getting really good at it guessing peoples birth order.

JTsGal829 Posted: Aug 22, 2007 03:01 AM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

sounds like a very interesting book. I'll have to pick it up on my next trip to the book store ( which may not be happening as soon as id like cause i spend way too much money in there..lmao)! I'll def. have to check it out!

redvelvet Posted: Aug 22, 2007 09:01 AM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

very good points, i might need to pick that book up! thanks for sharing.

Espo22 Posted: Aug 22, 2007 09:03 AM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by jennielovesbryan

it sounds like a must read!! im reading one now that i cant put down.. its called the birth order connection by dr. kevin leman.. its amazingg and soo true.. it talks about what your birth order means and what birth order makes the best match for you.. i am a last born and it totally described me perfectly.. i def reccomend it.. it really makes you think about how people react with one another.. and what things in your life made you the way you are today.. its a great read.. it is the follow up to the birth order book.. that descibes what your birth order means.. i am getting really good at it guessing peoples birth order.

sounds very interesting...i am an only child so i can imagine what it says about that hahahaha

Espo22 Posted: Aug 22, 2007 09:07 AM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by JTsGal829

sounds like a very interesting book. I'll have to pick it up on my next trip to the book store ( which may not be happening as soon as id like cause i spend way too much money in there..lmao)! I'll def. have to check it out!

MAYBE order it online so this way you dont walk in and get tempted by other books lol

LeslieMike Posted: Aug 22, 2007 09:15 AM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by Espo22

here is a paragraph i found about the book and one of the chapters about great relationships are created:

Most of us when we fall in love, stumble into a multitude of myths about marriage. We also realise after being married for a few years, that we wished someone told us about some things before. This book deals with and discusses issues like, 'Great relationships don't just happen; they are created' and 'Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring.'

Thats great! The book sounds very interesting! Maybe FH will actually read it!

Espo22 Posted: Aug 22, 2007 09:20 AM

Re: 101 things I wish I knew before I got marriedUPDATED W/CHAPTERS*

Posted by LeslieMike

Posted by Espo22

here is a paragraph i found about the book and one of the chapters about great relationships are created:

Most of us when we fall in love, stumble into a multitude of myths about marriage. We also realise after being married for a few years, that we wished someone told us about some things before. This book deals with and discusses issues like, 'Great relationships don't just happen; they are created' and 'Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring.'

Thats great! The book sounds very interesting! Maybe FH will actually read it!

YEAH i cant wait until im done with it so he can read it