12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

OMG I HAVE BEEN ANNOYED/PISSED OFF ALL WEEK. Today is actually the first day I am somewhat sane...

Let's back track.. I posted a while ago about how I have a large family blah blah blah and decided to have one cousin from each family - including my FH's side in our bridal party Long story short: FH's aunt knew that only one of her daughter's would be asked to be in the bridal party. Her other daughter is a total spoiled brat. She is never wrong. Everything she does is the best - she is never told she is out of line - and can't handle if anyone tells her she is wrong. This is a huge problem and has been since I have been dating my FH.
SO: DILEMMA...
FH's aunt cornered me in the kitchen after my engagement party and told me flat out how it was wrong that I didn't ask her other daughter to be in the wedding, and that her daughter was 'really upset', too.
UM HELLO? First of all -- she KNEW that I was only going to ask her one daughter because FMIL already warned her so it was not like she was blindsighted.
2. HOW FCUKING RUDE! OUT OF LINE! CLASS-LESS!!!!
3. FMIL NEVER TOLD HER SISTER SHE WAS WRONG! fcuked up.
4. i was FORCED to ask her other daughther so now this is the ONLY family that has both daughters in our wedding...
5. she still has not said 'YES' or 'NO' to my FORCED invitation to be in the wedding party -- and FMIL response was 'oh well i think she is coming to terms with it and is going to say yes' UM ***? COMING TO TERMS? IF SHE WAS 'SO UPSET' AND WANTED TO BE IN IT SHE WOULD HAVE SAID YES WHEN I WAS FORCED TO ASK HER -
6. .. and i cannot 'un-ask' her now as per FH's parents because it will start WW3 in their family.
7. i didn't include her NOT because I don't like her, but because it was the fair thing to do to only have one cousin from each family and FH is much closer to the other sister. I wish i could have everyone, but then it would be over 20 girls...at this point why not though its already going to look like a circus...

omg. pissed off. what would u guys do?!?!!?

edit -- if someone askedyou to be in their wedding after the fact - wouldn't you say no knowing that you weren't offically in it in the first place? i know i would....

12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

I have nine female first cousins. Of those nine two are in my bridal party. One of them has two sisters. Plus my ring bearer has a sister. I haven't had any aunts approach me and say anything. Nor have I had the siblings say anything. I was worried it would cause problems but everyone just seems happy for me.
Now that you asked her you're kinda stuck but I would give her a deadline for a yes or no. Tell her if she doesn't answer by a certain date she's out.
And while 12 is a big number I was in two weddings where I was one of 14 and I'm going to a wedding in august where there are 13.

12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

i am so sick of her always getting her way - and im also sick of how noone tells her she is being a spoiled brat and how its not all about her!

12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

I have a few of those in my family. That's why I expected drama

12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. I actually am planning to ask a close friend to be in the wedding party after all the other girls. She is a friend who was in a very toxic relationship for the past 3 years, and after getting out of that relationship in about October, and becoming her old self again, I wanted to ask her. Not only is she friends with me, but she has a separate strong friendship with FH. I have waited this long to ask her because I wanted to make sure she would not flounder and go back to the ex-boyfriend, who, to be perfectly honest, I think is a piece of garbage and would not have invited to my wedding.

I think it was wrong of your FHs aunt to corner you like that. This is YOUR wedding, and making sacrifices for the sake of family is different than being forced to do something you made your mind up about already. You didn't make this decision offhandedly, you thought a lot about it, asked for other people's opinions, and weighed your options. It was a deliberate and well thought out choice. For the family to tell you what to do is absurd and selfish.

If I was you, I'd tell them that you need to know by a certain date, and make a list of the responsibilities you expect the cousin to follow through with. It sounds to me that she is now holding her response to somehow punish you, and will make it her duty to be flaky and unhelpful. Tell her that if she doesn't do the things on the list (make them very specific, such as 'order your bridesmaid dress within 2 weeks of picking them out' and 'walk down the aisle with whomever myself and FH ask you to'), you will be forced to ask her to step down as a BM. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lot of drama and undue stress from this girl. I would also have her mom look at and agree to the conditions, because it sounds like the mom is the one who eggs her on.

Again, I'm sorry this is happening, but I hope it's just a small hiccup in your planning.

Re: 12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

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Posted by sgf2


If I was you, I'd tell them that you need to know by a certain date, and make a list of the responsibilities you expect the cousin to follow through with. It sounds to me that she is now holding her response to somehow punish you, and will make it her duty to be flaky and unhelpful. Tell her that if she doesn't do the things on the list (make them very specific, such as 'order your bridesmaid dress within 2 weeks of picking them out' and 'walk down the aisle with whomever myself and FH ask you to'), you will be forced to ask her to step down as a BM.

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This is great advice. Someone shouldn't want to be in your party just for the sake of being there. In reality, they should want to do it to be by your side and help you out.
It's really crappy that you have to go through this--I'm annoyed for you!

Re: 12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

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Posted by sgf2

I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. I actually am planning to ask a close friend to be in the wedding party after all the other girls. She is a friend who was in a very toxic relationship for the past 3 years, and after getting out of that relationship in about October, and becoming her old self again, I wanted to ask her. Not only is she friends with me, but she has a separate strong friendship with FH. I have waited this long to ask her because I wanted to make sure she would not flounder and go back to the ex-boyfriend, who, to be perfectly honest, I think is a piece of garbage and would not have invited to my wedding.

I think it was wrong of your FHs aunt to corner you like that. This is YOUR wedding, and making sacrifices for the sake of family is different than being forced to do something you made your mind up about already. You didn't make this decision offhandedly, you thought a lot about it, asked for other people's opinions, and weighed your options. It was a deliberate and well thought out choice. For the family to tell you what to do is absurd and selfish.

If I was you, I'd tell them that you need to know by a certain date, and make a list of the responsibilities you expect the cousin to follow through with. It sounds to me that she is now holding her response to somehow punish you, and will make it her duty to be flaky and unhelpful. Tell her that if she doesn't do the things on the list (make them very specific, such as 'order your bridesmaid dress within 2 weeks of picking them out' and 'walk down the aisle with whomever myself and FH ask you to'), you will be forced to ask her to step down as a BM. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lot of drama and undue stress from this girl. I would also have her mom look at and agree to the conditions, because it sounds like the mom is the one who eggs her on.

Again, I'm sorry this is happening, but I hope it's just a small hiccup in your planning.

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what great advice - thank you so much. I am worried about even approaching her and asking because I know she will throw what I say ouf or proportion and most likely tell her mom and it will start an argument. I am going to say it very nicely, though...because I think something has to be said at this point.
thanks again so much.

Re: 12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

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Posted by cmonaco10

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Posted by sgf2

I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. I actually am planning to ask a close friend to be in the wedding party after all the other girls. She is a friend who was in a very toxic relationship for the past 3 years, and after getting out of that relationship in about October, and becoming her old self again, I wanted to ask her. Not only is she friends with me, but she has a separate strong friendship with FH. I have waited this long to ask her because I wanted to make sure she would not flounder and go back to the ex-boyfriend, who, to be perfectly honest, I think is a piece of garbage and would not have invited to my wedding.

I think it was wrong of your FHs aunt to corner you like that. This is YOUR wedding, and making sacrifices for the sake of family is different than being forced to do something you made your mind up about already. You didn't make this decision offhandedly, you thought a lot about it, asked for other people's opinions, and weighed your options. It was a deliberate and well thought out choice. For the family to tell you what to do is absurd and selfish.

If I was you, I'd tell them that you need to know by a certain date, and make a list of the responsibilities you expect the cousin to follow through with. It sounds to me that she is now holding her response to somehow punish you, and will make it her duty to be flaky and unhelpful. Tell her that if she doesn't do the things on the list (make them very specific, such as 'order your bridesmaid dress within 2 weeks of picking them out' and 'walk down the aisle with whomever myself and FH ask you to'), you will be forced to ask her to step down as a BM. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lot of drama and undue stress from this girl. I would also have her mom look at and agree to the conditions, because it sounds like the mom is the one who eggs her on.

Again, I'm sorry this is happening, but I hope it's just a small hiccup in your planning.

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what great advice - thank you so much. I am worried about even approaching her and asking because I know she will throw what I say ouf or proportion and most likely tell her mom and it will start an argument. I am going to say it very nicely, though...because I think something has to be said at this point.
thanks again so much.

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I know how it feels to be worried. I always get nervous when telling people what I want, especially when it's family.

Just be confident, have everything you expect of your cousin typed up and printed out (so she can't accuse you of making things up), and if she tells her mom, and her mom argues, you can say (very calmly), 'This was one of the reasons I was trying to keep my bridal party to a minimum. Having so many girls makes things very hectic and confusing, and so now I am telling each of the girls the things I expect of them in writing.' And then if they don't agree, say you're sorry that the cousin doesn't want to be part of your bridal party and that you hope she'll be there and enjoy herself as a guest.

The problem sounds like it is with the mom, because as much as the cousin sounds spoiled and entitled, the mother is the one who raised her that way. If the mother hadn't said anything, you wouldn't have felt forced into asking the cousin to be a BM and then been in this situation.

Again, I hope everything goes smoothly and that FH's cousin gets her **** together and grows up a little.

12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

EXACTLY!
well..update
FH already txted her on Monday and she said she was going to call me...well..she still hasnt!

Re: 12 BRIDESMAIDS ... BC OF FH'S RUDE AUNT!!!! long post

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Posted by cmonaco10

i am so sick of her always getting her way - and im also sick of how noone tells her she is being a spoiled brat and how its not all about her!

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This would drive me CRAZY! I can't stand spoiled brats! I was going to say that Idk why people think the world revolves around them, but in this case I guess it's b/c her mother's world DID revolve around her! ugh.

Anyway, I second the advice the other girls gave you. If you're worried about it, give the handout to some of your closer BMs who understand the situation. That way, when you get to the dreaded BM it won't look like you typed it up specifically for her.