___****4th of July QOTD___****

Morning ladies & Happy 4th of July!

Thanks again Alex for picking me!
I'll try my best to not repeat questions.

I'm sure all of us have the most perfect FH, but occasionally we all don't always agree. So, I'd like to share advice today. My question has 2 parts that may overlap or maybe you can answer one!

When you and FH are having a disagreement, are there any tips you'd like to share to diffuse the situation? OR, What is the best piece of wedding advice you've ever heard?




These go together for me. If we are in a fight it's sometimes best to walk away and leave it alone for a few hours, but 'NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY'. This really works for FH and I. I heard that from a Rabbi when a catholic friend & jewish friend got married. LOL. Wise man.

I'd have to agree with you on the not going to bed angry. FH and I always try to do this and when we don't follow we both feel terrible the next day. FH has a lot of patience (I do not) so he's great about letting me just be angry and knows that I'll tire out at some point.

Congrats on BOTW!

cool off and come back and speak rationally when you're both calm. FH and I are both very stubborn so this is what works or us, and of course NEVER go to bed angry and always kiss goodnight.

Best wedding advice? Remember that it's just about FH and I...no one else....we can tend to get carried away with trying to impress or please our guests, it comes down to FH and I all the way

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Posted by AlexandMike2012


Best wedding advice? Remember that it's just about FH and I...no one else....we can tend to get carried away with trying to impress or please our guests, it comes down to FH and I all the way

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Forgot about this part - 100% agree with this. Unfortunately, through the process you start to see things a little more clearly and at the end of the day all that matters is you and FH (and your family). Can't sweat the small stuff and let others upset you with their actions.

I'm engaged to the most patient man I've ever met. Whenever we fight he knows that if we take time away to cool off we'll be fine. I could stay mad for so much longer, but he doesn't and after a little while we calm each other down and move on. He doesn't like to dwell on the issue or continue discussing it. We have one talk (and I usually cry) and then we let it go.

For wedding advice, we're following the advice you all have heard...it's about he and I on our wedding day and what we want to do. People are going to be there to celebrate us. Tough for me not to worry about everyone else but myself, but like I said, I'm engaged to an incredibly patient man who always reminds me at the end of the day our wedding is OURS.

Since everyone has already agreed on 'walking away' I'll share a tip i learned in a class I took when getting my masters.

I never realized there was a difference between saying 'you're making me upset' and 'what you said really upset me'. The latter takes control of your feelings and helps you to identify where the feeling came from rather than pointing the finger at the other person. Your s/o is more likely to respond in a positive way since you're speaking about your own feelings rather than attacking them.

So what I took away from that is that whenever FH and I fight, I try to identifty my own feeings to the situation rather than pointing the finger at him. I know we all know not to attack, so this tip really focuses on being able to isolate why the situation upset us the way it did.

I try not to lash out and take long pauses because I tend to just explode and say crazy things. I take my time and really think about what I want to say (which I typically don't do often!!!!!)

I sometimes will get really quiet and then he knows I'm upset--the other day in the car I was concentrating so hard on being quiet so that I didn't get mean, I actually fell asleep!!!!!!! Then when I'm calmer and he has had time to think (because he's just like me so he needs to reflect on why he's pissed me off when he starts the fight) we talk about the situation.

FH is really subdued and passive. Most of the time I love it, and sometimes it's what we disagree upon. Most of the time, I'll just be going crazy and he'll say something like 'I'm sorry I'm bad', and it brings me right back down to earth. Because naturally, he isn't bad. But it really does but the kibosh on our arguments.

Also, the best advice I've ever heard is 'don't go to bed angry or sad'. My mother has been saying this since I was a child. To this day, if she and I have a disagreement, she can't sleep until it's resolved. I try to live it.

Great questions, Linda!

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Posted by foodgirl785

Since everyone has already agreed on 'walking away' I'll share a tip i learned in a class I took when getting my masters.

I never realized there was a difference between saying 'you're making me upset' and 'what you said really upset me'. The latter takes control of your feelings and helps you to identify where the feeling came from rather than pointing the finger at the other person. Your s/o is more likely to respond in a positive way since you're speaking about your own feelings rather than attacking them.

So what I took away from that is that whenever FH and I fight, I try to identifty my own feeings to the situation rather than pointing the finger at him. I know we all know not to attack, so this tip really focuses on being able to isolate why the situation upset us the way it did.

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Yes, I love this, and to say, 'I understand that you feel that way.' Instead of, 'Im sorry you feel that way.' When we take ownership they dont feel attacked and actually communicate faster.

Have patience, remember that men, as complex as they are are, still way more simple minded than us women...

knowing this helps tame my temper when he really fs up lol

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Posted by foodgirl785

I never realized there was a difference between saying 'you're making me upset' and 'what you said really upset me'. The latter takes control of your feelings and helps you to identify where the feeling came from rather than pointing the finger at the other person. Your s/o is more likely to respond in a positive way since you're speaking about your own feelings rather than attacking them.

So what I took away from that is that whenever FH and I fight, I try to identifty my own feeings to the situation rather than pointing the finger at him. I know we all know not to attack, so this tip really focuses on being able to isolate why the situation upset us the way it did.

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This! Another piece of advice given to me and FH by our priest is to be 'clear and compassionate' while arguing.

As far as wedding advice goes, my friend recently told me this when I was stressing over the hotel block. Everyone who wants to be at your wedding will do whatever they can to be at your wedding because it is your wedding and they want to be a part of your day. Dont stress about the little things for your guests, they will find a way to be there.

Make sure to kiss every day. The longer you are together, the less likely you are to do it and the more important it becomes, so make it a habit now.

Also, someone said to always say 'Hello', even if its just coming back from the store. They said it lets your partner know you don't take them for granted.

I absolutely agree with everything that you girls said.

In addition, I think it's important not to bring old arguments into your new ones. Be done with them and move on. Don't keep bringing up that one stupid thing that happened a year ago that has nothing to do with what is going on today ...

Best advice .. it's not all about the wedding, it's about the marriage. I think sometimes we all get caught up in the planning and 'forget' the most important part. So have fun no matter what and don't stress anything .. because the wedding itself will come to an end .. but then we get to keep our husbands forever :)

FH is always the first one to give in when we fight. He hates when we fight. And so do I but i'm more stubborn and have more pride that I hate to give in first. But one thing that has worked for us is b/f we start saying things we don't mean to eachother, we walk away and take a breather. Analyze the situation and then discuss it btwn eachother and then make up. WE never go to sleep angry or upset at eachother. WE always make up b/f the day ends. Usually our fights are no longer than maybe perhaps an hour.

Best piece of advice is:
1. Communication! - Be clear to eachother of what you are feeling. Never leave feelings bottled up b/c then thats when explosions occur and you say hurtful things.
2. Never throw things in eachother's face. If you surpassed something, leave it in the past and DO NOT bring it up in upcoming fights.

Best wedding advice:
1. This day is all about you and your future husband. Do what you both want and not what everybody else wants.

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Posted by Shamrock212

The best advice I've heard was to never name call during an arguement it serves no real purpose and you end up saying things you never intended to ....we try to stick to that as much as possible

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Definitely this! we always try to fight fair.