A bit of anxiety

Hi guys,

I would like to hear some peoples opinions on this. I am 23 years old and will be getting married in 2 years. Lately I started to doubt if this should even happen. I am scared, I get worried and that weird feeling. My FH is a wonderful man, don't take me wrong he is not perfect, we have been together for a long time (5 years) so I know all the bad. But no one is perfect, right? I know I love him and I want to be with him, but how do I know for sure? At this stage is the fact that I am not sure a problem? Everyone always seems so sure, should I be sure? Maybe if I am feeling these things I am not ready? Maybe he is not right for me, how does one know who is right for them...? I mean, all relationships you give some, you compromise, but when is it too much?

ANY comments would be appreciated.

I feel ya! I have been with FH for 5 years as well. We have had our ups and downs, and doubts too. The day I bought my dress I actually cried, and to this day I still cannot tell if I was crying bc I was scared, excited, nervous, or all of those together. I even saw my invites this weekend all done, and I was like, 'are those mine?' but then I look at him and how much we have grown together and I know that I could not find anyone that would treat me as well as he does. I look at my single friends and I realize I did pretty darn well for myself, finding such a catch. So don't worry, unless you are completely like'i dont want to', bc if you did not have random thoughts that pop up in your head about the most major decision in one's lifetime, you would not be normal. sorry so long

I am 24, so about the age that you are, and in the beginning when we first got engaged, it was a bit of a shock. I think that it needs to sink in. You also have enough time to let your feelings and emotions play themselves out a little bit on their own. Good luck, and no matter what, your own happiness is what truely matters in the end. You 'll figure it out in time. It just sounds like nerves IMO. I mean, it's hard at such a young age to transition over night to the train of thought that there's no more boyfriends, no more meeting up with some guys to go out, etc....Even if that's not what your thing has ever been, just the option itself is gone and sometimes that can be overwhelming.

The thought is very scary.... I loved going to bars, clubs, dancing, meeting people. Now, its all much more 'grown up'... And than there is that question itself, how does one know when they found the one People say 'you just knowit' but I was never one to 'know things'. i don't think with my heart, its my head that does most of the reasoning.

hugs I think many people have doubts, so you dont have to be too concerned... picture youself years down the road.. if you have any serious concerns its best to be open with your fiance...

I am 31 and everyonce in awhile I get those 'cold feet' feelings. Sometimes when I think about moving out of my apartment and how my life is going to change on 11/1/03 and I get those butterfly feelings in my stomach but then I think about how good he is to me and that I love him and those feelings go away. Dont worry, your not alone!!

Thank you guys for your response... made me feel a little better!

Still worried, but feel better! I hope its just cold feet!

Hi Gail, welcome!

Almost everyone has some anxiety or cold feet, after all, this is a huge decision!

However, if there is verbal or physical abuse, any kind of addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling) or if you think that things will get better in any way when you are married or that your FH will change, then those are huge red flags and you should talk to someone close to you and put things on hold.

Good luck!

Thanks!
You just made me feel better cluelessbride, because its definately not that! Neither of the things you just said is what it is... and I know who he is is who he is, and that won't change.

You are not so clueless after all

I have been with FI for 4 1/2 years. We are engaged 9 1/2 months. For months prior to our engagement all we talked about was getting engaged. He said he wasnt ready and I was. He had cold feet about the whole getting engaged and married thing. He has seen a lot of divorces in his life (his mom has been married 3 times) so their were a lot of weird impressions left on him about marriage.

When he proposed I felt like I won a million dollars. Then after a few days I started having doubts. I thought he was only doing this to make me happy, did I do everything I wanted to do, what about my friends have I spent enough time with them, did I get to hang out with all my friends, and was I really ready to be wife.

I spoke to him and he laughed at me. Not in a mean way, but in a way that made me feel better. He told me how happy he is with me and pointed out all the fun times we have and started talking about our future. And I saw it. I saw it in his eyes and in his words and I knew it was right. I knew he is my dream come true.

Now I look forward to tomorrow because its a new page in the book of our life together