I have been semi stressed with an aspects of the wedding planning process. So this is my vent- (((as I hide from lurkers)))
We are being more than accomodating with family and friends. We are treating our BP like gold. They have received 2 thank you gifts already since we are engaged and the wedding is still months away and they are getting a rehearsal dinner gift too!
THEN, can some one please tell me why, when I let the BM's know a month in advance about a afternoon of their time I need for their dress shopping all but 1 'rsvp' and when i track her down she tells me she doesnt want to 'waste' her weekend and she is not coming!!!!
WASTE yes the word WASTE was used. This is a good friend of over 15 years.
EDT- Friend still has not contacted me 1 week later and has spoken to other friends, ignoring this situation. FH and other BM's say to ask her not to be part of the day
mariaobride
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Re: a BM from hell lately
that is not right rather let this happen now then during the whole ordering process I hope you told her that is offensive truthfully i personally would have second thoughts of having someone in my BP if they said that to me- try to straighten it out now before she starts passing more hurtful comments and doesnt want to show up for anything else -
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Problem is,, with out getting too detailed, she has said multiple hurtful things in the past 2 years to me and also my other BM (her friends too). To salvage the friendship we let it slide, or blamed it on her upbringing. Now it is just getting to be too much. FH said I should have never asked her.
mnd1202
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Re: a BM from hell lately
I have the same thing going on.....and this is your wedding, its supposed to be a happy time you dont want to spend it mad or stressed or worried things wont get done because someone cant fit things into their schedule. The whole point of a bridal party is to help the bride....and you want the people in your bridal party to actually want to be ther because THEY want to not because they HAVE to....You should have a talk with this person and let them know that they have shown no initiative to participate in your bridal party, there are going to be more demanding things coming up that you would need her for and if she is WASTING her weekend on things that need to be done for your wedding maybe it would be better if they stepped down from your wedding party. Tell her you understand that she has a lot going on. and that you understand and would not want to disrupt her already busy schedule. Besides, if this is a good friend, she should not be like this towards u, this is supposed to be an exciting time, not a time worrying about how nasty people are going to be because they are jealous of ur happiness.
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Danielle and Maria, Thank you for your comments. It is so hard because we (friends and I) know she will pull the tears and be deffensive, so I just feel like the converstation will not go well.
I dont want to end a friendship. But if history repeats it self I will regret having her in BP
mariaobride
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Posted by Cupcakes08
Danielle and Maria, Thank you for your comments. It is so hard because we (friends and I) know she will pull the tears and be deffensive, so I just feel like the converstation will not go well.
I dont want to end a friendship. But if history repeats it self I will regret having her in BP
You are welcome. It is a very awkward situation to be placed in no one wants to lose a friend especially after so many years but on the other hand you shouldnt be hurt. I truly hope the conversation goes well.
yelley77
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Re: a BM from hell lately
I personally feel that the people in your bridal party should help enhance your day... they should be accommodating, helpful and excited for you!! Now, I knwo there are some brides out there that go overboard, and require their BP to do tons of unnecessary things, but i think as long as what is asked of them is within reason, they should complain, or give you grief. This has always puzzled me.
If she is making this MORE stressful, instead of LESS stressful, she ain't worth it.
wifetobe
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Re: a BM from hell lately
I think you need to tell her if it's a waste of a weekend for you to go dress shopping... then you wouldn't want to put her out and have her waste another weekend coming to the wedding.
That's just terrible!!!!! Why'd she say yes then!!! BMs know the deal when they say Yes to being in the wedding party.
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Ahhhh yes my point exactly. It is a 4 hour span on 1 day. I hate the idea of telling her she is out. But come on! If the shoe was on the other foot and it was her wedding I am sure things would be diffrent!
hannahshim
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Posted by yelley77
I personally feel that the people in your bridal party should help enhance your day... they should be accommodating, helpful and excited for you!! Now, I knwo there are some brides out there that go overboard, and require their BP to do tons of unnecessary things, but i think as long as what is asked of them is within reason, they should complain, or give you grief. This has always puzzled me.
If she is making this MORE stressful, instead of LESS stressful, she ain't worth it.
couldnt have said it better
Mici n KC
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Posted by yelley77
I personally feel that the people in your bridal party should help enhance your day... they should be accommodating, helpful and excited for you!! Now, I knwo there are some brides out there that go overboard, and require their BP to do tons of unnecessary things, but i think as long as what is asked of them is within reason, they should complain, or give you grief. This has always puzzled me.
If she is making this MORE stressful, instead of LESS stressful, she ain't worth it.
Agreed! If she has said hurtful things in the past there is NO excuse for it, upbringing or not. I would tell her that she is being hurtful to you. She is definitely not being a friend let alone a BM.
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Thank you ladies!! I wanted to make sure I am not crazy, so she can tell me I am a bridezilla!
mnd1202
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Re: a BM from hell lately
yeah u r no bridezilla.....honestly what kind of friend is that?? thats not nice....and u dont want to have to worry about her on ur wedding day
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately
Here how this situation needs to end according to my FH...he meant it to make me smile
I personally feel that the people in your bridal party should help enhance your day... they should be accommodating, helpful and excited for you!! Now, I knwo there are some brides out there that go overboard, and require their BP to do tons of unnecessary things, but i think as long as what is asked of them is within reason, they should complain, or give you grief. This has always puzzled me.
If she is making this MORE stressful, instead of LESS stressful, she ain't worth it.
I agree Danielle!! Great way to put it!!!!!!! Mary MOB
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately..(( 1/15 update))
I have been 'rehersing' my conversation that I want to have with her for a week. I dont want this to end our friendship.. but I am not being walk over
debismom
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Re: a BM from hell lately..(( 1/15 update))
Posted by Cupcakes08
Here how this situation needs to end according to my FH...
it says who will be the next bridesmaid.
LOL...this is a bad situation
Hey there, 'Cupcake'!!!!! That's what I call my Mom, and my name is 'Frosting' on some days!!! Mary MOB As you might know, Debi had BM issues too!! Mary MOB
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately..(( 1/15 update))
I remember you posting there were issues. I think thus far this has been my biggest stressor
SparkyandAng
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Re: a BM from hell lately..(( 1/15 update))
Posted by Cupcakes08
Problem is,, with out getting too detailed, she has said multiple hurtful things in the past 2 years to me and also my other BM (her friends too). To salvage the friendship we let it slide, or blamed it on her upbringing. Now it is just getting to be too much. FH said I should have never asked her.
Unfortunately, part of my personality that is strong but I'm not proud of is that I'm very spiteful, so if she didn't respond to me, I'd just not contact her AT ALL about anything and when it gets closer to the wedding and she isn't included or IN the bridal party anymore, I'd just say 'oh well you didn't answer so I took the hint'
Good luck, you shouldn't have to be dealing with this.
Cupcakes08
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Re: a BM from hell lately..(( 1/15 update))
UGH!!! I almost want to do that,, see how long it takes for her to get back to me!
