a little depressed

march04bride Posted: Jan 15, 2003 06:16 PM

a little depressed

I'm just a little depressed. I lost my mom a few years ago to cancer. I am so torn right now because although I'm so happy about my wedding, I'm also so upset that she won't be here with me. I know it's so selfish, but I want to go dress shopping with her and plan with her and do all those things that a bride-to-be does with her mother. Also, I think I'm getting my FI upset because he wants me to be so excited and although most of the time I am, sometimes I just get really upset and then he gets upset.

NovemberSue Posted: Jan 15, 2003 06:23 PM

Re: a little depressed

I am sorry that you lost your mom.It is totally understandable that you feel this way.It must be a range of emotions at once (happiness for the wedding and complete sadness at the same time because you miss your mom).I totally believe that your mom is and always will be with you.She will be smiling with you on your wedding day.I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make your pain go away. to you!

Bluebaby08 Posted: Jan 15, 2003 08:42 PM

Re: a little depressed

So sorry to hear about your situation. But novemberbride is right, she will be looking down at you on your wedding day and she will be with you. Hugs to you for support.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Jan 15, 2003 09:46 PM

Re: a little depressed

Oh my dear I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I was just at a wedding where the bride lost her parents and when the lit the candle in their memory I lost it.

You should do something to incorporate your mom. She will be at the wedding in spirit and it may help you feel her touch a little more in the planning.

Big HUG

WishCandy Posted: Jan 15, 2003 10:50 PM

Re: a little depressed

I am so sorry to hear about your sadness... you should know that your mom will be with you always. I think novemberbride is absolutely right - it is only normal for you to feel this way... I think it would maybe help you feel a lil' bit better if you did something to incorporate your mother's memory in to the ceremony or reception.
We're here for you anytime you need to lean on someone

march04bride Posted: Jan 15, 2003 11:04 PM

Re: a little depressed

You are all the best! I'm a little embarassed that I got all mushy on here. I was just in one of those moods. Promise I will not bring down the mood anymore!!! - - We are planning on incorporating her into the wedding by donating to the ACS (instead of favors we're making a donation in everyone's name and writing up something on scrolls to let the guests know). You are all right, she will be there with me. Thanks again ladies!!!

Jen_n_Dale Posted: Jan 16, 2003 07:31 AM

Re: a little depressed

I kind of know how you feel. My mom has been very sick. She was unable to walk for a while and is getting better through therapy. I did go shopping with my close friend who is my maid of honor. But you are right, it wasn't the same. I wanted her to be there with me and I just couldn't get into it. I agree with the girls, she will be with you no matter what. Maybe have a memento sewn in your dress of hers. But we are all here for you!

jennbaby Posted: Jan 16, 2003 08:05 AM

Re: a little depressed

I am so sorry. your post made me get tears..
This should be the happiest time of your life and your mom IS here to share with you. She is the angel sitting on your shoulder.
Go with your best friend or maybe even include your dad? Smile though, she would not want to see you sad.

Jess2 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 08:10 AM

Re: a little depressed

I'm also sorry to hear about your mom, and I agree with everyone that she will be there in spirit. My mom is disabled and is unable to go dress shopping with me and walk me down the aisle, but I'm going dress shopping with my dad.

bride082003 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 08:31 AM

Re: a little depressed

Im so sorry to hear about your situation. I can feel for you because I feel the same way about my situation with my father. The only difference is - he is living - I havent spoken to him in almost 10 years and it breaks my heart to know that he will not be at my wedding - but not that he deserves to be there...

Its difficult when planning a wedding, I found the hardest part to be when you go to the vendors (like the FLORIST) and they rattle off the traditional list of people you need things for and you have to answer no, no, no father of the bride, no father of the groom, no grandparents, just us

I'm sure she will be watching over you on your wedding day

kptoys Posted: Jan 16, 2003 08:52 AM

Re: a little depressed

Im sorry Allison!!! I lost my dad when I was 13. I know its not the same thing as missing your mom for all the planning and shopping and such but hes not there to walk me down the aisle, or meet my daughter, etc. Its sad BUT shes there for you. You might not see her but she is watching over you. Im sure she would have picked the same dress that you decide on. She loves you and she'll be there for you now, on your wedding day and always!!

WithThisRing Posted: Jan 16, 2003 11:55 AM

Re: a little depressed

I am sure it is very upsetting, but hang in there. We're all here for you

Licia Posted: Jan 16, 2003 12:05 PM

Re: a little depressed

I think we all feel a little depressed when ever something great is happening. I lost my grandmother this past year my grand father 4 years before...my grandparents lived with us my whole life. When I got engaged I was so excited, but then got so upset that she couldn't be here...I just keep telling my self that she is.
Remember those that we lost aren't lost they will live forever in our mind and hearts.
Didn't mean to get so philosophical but sometimes it helps.

march04bride Posted: Jan 16, 2003 12:38 PM

Re: a little depressed

Well ladies, I can't thank you enough for all your posts! It's so great that we all have eachother. You made me feel soooo much better. I am so sorry for all of you who have experienced similar losses. We will all be here for eachother - and our loved ones are with us!!!

PS - I loved the idea about putting my Mom's picture on a special table with candles and flowers. Thanks!

WithThisRing Posted: Jan 16, 2003 12:44 PM

Re: a little depressed

you're welcome. we are always here for you

heidla Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:20 PM

Re: a little depressed

I am so sorry!! It is such an odd feeling to be so happy on one hand and so depressed on the other. I lost both of my brothers and I am always thinking about how unfair it is that they never even got the chance to get married, and how much I would love for them to be there when I do. Whenever I get down about it I try to think about what they would want me to do. How happy they are for me and that even though they are not physically with me, they are always with me. Remember that about your mother. She is always looking on you and smiling.

cw0904 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 08:35 PM

Re: a little depressed

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Rest assured she will be watching you as I am sure she has for a long time.

I have an idea: at your ceremony how about having a candle lit in her memory before the service begins? I saw it done once and it was such a beautiful touch to the mass.

*HUGS***

TESTAROSSA19 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 09:44 PM

Re: a little depressed

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I know your mother is looking down on you, and though she is not here physically, she is here in spirit. I agree with everyone about doing something special to incorporate her into your special day. A beautiful candle and her picture or flower would be so nice. We are here for you all the time.

princess99 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 10:05 PM

Re: a little depressed

I am in the same boat as you, as well as my dad has passed on also. To plainly put it , it stinks to be planning your wedding with no mom or a dad. I am trying to get thru it also. Yetserday I completely lost it, and was hysterical in tears. It is going to be 9 years ago for my moms passing this month and a year and a half for my dads passing. I just try to get thru it. I am going to take a tiny picture of my mom and dad on there wedding day and put it into my bouquet, so I only know that it is there and they will be'walking' me down the aisle. My sister and brother in law are walking me down. If you need to talk or vent, let me know, we can maybe try to help each other out, Fm mail me if you want. I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru, it is also a relief to know I am not the only one going thru the same thing.

EvenEdan Posted: Jan 17, 2003 12:13 AM

Re: a little depressed

March04,
It is not selfish at all. It is completely understandable that you feel this way. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, I think it is wonderful that you are including her memory in your wedding, she will be smiling at you from above and you will feel her in your heart. My FH's mom also passed away from cancer over two years ago and I know he is hurting that she won't be there for him to dance with, he is an only child and she lived for him! I too will include her in our day however I can. I know that the best way he can honor is Mom is to live the happiest life he can, that's all she wanted for him.