We had a 'situation' on our wedding day. I have a 'friend' from college who has a terrible eating disorder (bulimia and she's restrictive with her food) and a bit of a drinking problem.
People have reached out to her in the past, and to her family to fill them in (they live in another state) and everyone's in denial.
So go figure, open bar and she gets so hammered at my wedding (after not eating any of the food served) that by after dinner she was literally fall down drunk, fell multiple times down the steps to the RH and outside, where eventually she cracked her head open and cried like a baby with a bloody gash.
My friend's BF who knows this girl kept her away from me so I wouldn't get upset and I didn't actually see her until the party was over (and his shirt had blood stains).
She sent a text to me the day after saying, 'Sorry I was a hot mess with a head wound. Ha! So fun!!'
She also grabbed my uncle's *** when he walked passed her.
I, nor my family, find this funny. One our of mutual friends tried to talk to her about it and her answer was 'I'm an alcoholic, what do you expect?' Now I'm willing to admit she's obviously got a bunch of problems, but what do I do?
SusiBtoM
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Re: A long story and a poll....
This is a sticky situation. Obviously this girl needs help, she is on a path to self destruction, but does admit to being an alcholic. Still, that is not an excuse for very bad behavior.
Are you and other friends willing to do an intervention ? Depending upon how close you are, you can either keep her in your life, or write her off.
PattyK
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Re: A long story and a poll....
I would definetly sit down and write her a long letter and voice your concerns. Just let her know how worried you are about her and let her know that you are there for her if she needs you. You may want to suggest that she get some type of help for her problems. Good Luck in what ever you decide to do.
PegaLega
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I would without a doubt call her family. Who knows what the next thing is with her. She obviously has some problems if she thinks what happened at your wedding was funny
AlliCatB
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They did an informal intervention last year. A few girls threw a dinner party and waited for her to go to the bathroom. Then they stood outside the door while she was throwing up and confronted her when she came out. They had a list of resources, therapists, etc.
She denied and said they heard her having a diarrhea attack because the food disagreed with her.
This alcohol thing is new. She always drank but never like this. She lives in MD and I talk to her everyday over email but had no idea her behavior had gotten so bad.
B22
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hahah she sounds like me/
(ok-- kind of kidding)
I would write her a letter b/c I am a little bit of a pussy and wouldnt get out what I needed to say face to face.
I would definitely let her know it was embarrasing and not appreciated.
TheFutureMrsM
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OMG, your story is exactly why when i got engaged i stopped talking to my friend who is an alcoholic and has a severe eating disorder.
WHen we were friends last year she told me how she did the same exact thing at her friends wedding and how she was fall down drunk and disgusting and ruined this girls wedding. Her father told her whenever anyone thinks of this girls wedding all they will remember is a nasty fall down drunk.
loislane
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I agree with mrs.m there are people in our lives that aren't going to change. You can either accept them and deal with it because your friendship is more valuable or you can cut them off and move on because it's toxic to you. Some people don't want to be helped and can only help themselves. You can only do so much to be there for someone and then it starts causing you to feel ill too. I say move on and hopefully she'll decide to get herself well and you can reconnect again.
kellybean
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Its always hard to try to help someone you care about and even harder when they dont think they need help....all you can do is try ..and keep trying ....hope she lets you help !!!
B22
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Re: A long story and a poll....
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
OMG, your story is exactly why when i got engaged i stopped talking to my friend who is an alcoholic and has a severe eating disorder.
WHen we were friends last year she told me how she did the same exact thing at her friends wedding and how she was fall down drunk and disgusting and ruined this girls wedding. Her father told her whenever anyone thinks of this girls wedding all they will remember is a nasty fall down drunk.
ouch... that's harsh.
TheFutureMrsM
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Posted by carolinep24
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
OMG, your story is exactly why when i got engaged i stopped talking to my friend who is an alcoholic and has a severe eating disorder.
WHen we were friends last year she told me how she did the same exact thing at her friends wedding and how she was fall down drunk and disgusting and ruined this girls wedding. Her father told her whenever anyone thinks of this girls wedding all they will remember is a nasty fall down drunk.
ouch... that's harsh.
Well her father was there at the wedding, she cursed out the bridal party, and she cursed out hte maid of honor and then she cursed out the bride who was a very very good friend of hers. That is what her parents witnessed and she was so out of control they could do nothing about it
ErinC0119
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Wow! This is a tough situation. I would not know what to do.
denadewolf
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Don't call her family yet but call her and some her close friends. Think about it this way: if you don't say something to her and something happens to her or someone else how would you feel?? If she doesn't respond to your help then call the family!!!!
jayandjenny
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Re: A long story and a poll....
I think you need to sit down with her and have a long talk. I hope that she sees how much her problem affected you on such an important day. Hopefully, she'll wake up and understand that her problems affect others too. Good luck!
aimes1313
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Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do for someone who is self destructive and doesn't want help. Alcoholism is a very serious and difficult disease.
I would let her know that you noticed the changes in her behavior and that you are worried about her, and maybe speak to her parents about what happened at the wedding. Just make sure you bring it up in an 'I'm worried about you, this is serious' way, and not in a 'you ruined my wedding' way, or she'll only be defensive.
rkl1130
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This is a tough situation.
Because you are her friend and are concerned, I think you should sit down and talk to her about it. Express your concern to her and your worry for her health. However, she will not get help unless he wants to help herself. She will probably have to hit rock bottom before she actually goes out and gets help.
We are in a similar situation (except our GM is into drugs ). We have all sat down and confronted him about it and have told his brother who did the same thing. We eventually gave him an ultimatum--either stop and clean up or we won't hang out with you. It sounds harsh, but people with problems like that don't always get it.
dancerandchef
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We are so sorry that this happen. We feel that you need to sit down and speak to her. Her behavior and actions were inapporiate. She certainly needs help with taking care of the eating disorder and with the drinking. I don't know if contacting the parents would be any help. I mean there are parents that would get their child help and others that think their child is now an adult let them take care of themselves.
I think that you need to let her know how this made you feel and that you want her to get help because you are concerned and care about her. I hope that we helped you out a little.
Here are some hugs.
~dancer and chef~ charlotte and michael
DrWho
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Re: A long story and a poll....
There's nothing you can do but limit further collateral damage. You are her friend, you are not a therapist. If she didn't listen to her family, she won't listen to you, especially given that she has already trivialized the incident via text. Confronting her will be met with 'I've already apologized, the only person making a big deal out of it is you.' Sorry. Hate to be a wet blanket.
bonitachyc
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Re: A long story and a poll....
I selected the third choice, but I wanted to add to it. I'd write her a letter and I'd write her family a letter. When you see things in print, and can read over it time and again, it has more of an impact than a simple conversation. Pour your heart into it and ask her and her family to get help. It's the least you can do for a friend that needs help
Aug07OFCbride
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By her text message, she obviously thinks it was no big deal and actually funny (or that is her way of makiing herself feel okay about it). But you arent going to get anywhere if you dont say anything, she'll think you're fine with it and you agree. So speak up for yourself and express what you're really feeling about what happened and how you're worried about her. If I was you, Id talk face to face, but I guess if you prefer a letter can do it too. I would try to read up on how to support a friend who is dealing with these difficulties. I am by no means an expert, but I did an internship on peer education on eating disorders and I probably have some pamphlets and information on it. But Im sure you can probably find plenty of info online. I think this is a situation where she needs support and NOT to be 'confronted' per se. FM me if you need anything.
