I have this BM that lives on the west coast. I had told her that I was going to pick out the dress and that the girls can give me the money to put the order in for all of them. She wrote back saying that she didn't feel comfortable giving me the money for the dress because, unlike the other girls who would have a chance to try their dress on, she wouldn't be able to until the wedding. I told her that I would ship her the dress because most likely she would need to get alterations. Even if she couldn't try the dress on until later, it's not like she can go and get something different or refuse to pay for it if she didn't like it. The dress is what it is! She has also complained about colors she would and wouldn't wear and how to plan the wedding. She has never planned a wedding before but she seems to know everything!! She doesn't even have a boyfriend nor has ever been in a long term relationship! At this point I think she has been a complete pain about everything and I'm really having second thoughts about having her in the bridal party. I offered her to be part of the wedding in a different way, like doing a reading during the ceremony and she said, 'What are you getting at?!' She didn't know what a reading was since she's of another religion so after I explained it to her she said she needs to think about it and would let me know. MY FH told me at the beginning not to ask her because she would be difficult - plus he doesn't like her. I feel like I have to be accomodating to her and this is MY wedding!! None of the other 6 girls are like this. I don't know what to do now. I don't need this stress now nor do I need it closer to the wedding, which isn't for another year!! I can hear my FH saying, 'I told you so!' UGH! What should I do?
Leelee
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
I had a VERY similar experience. I told my offending BM that she had to pick one of the dresses I had chosen and she backed out of my wedding. We are no longer friends because of this. It's very stressful and it's shocking to think anyone would behave this way. I think I would recommend that you be firm with her and if she doesn't like it-then let her decide what she wants to do. You don't need this type of stress in your life!! Let me know how it turns out!! I empathize completely with you!!!
michele31
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
THe dress is what is is, even if it is a huge hoop skirt with a flower parasole that is what she has to wear. If she will not send the $$ just tell her that you will not be able to order her gown and therefore, she cannot be a BM. Also, tell her next time she has a comment 'I appreicate your opinion and taste but I like XX better so that is what I AM DOING!'. If you see trouble ahead, speak with her honestly about it now.
Fran M
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
If you have decided that you are picking out the dress andthe color (which you have every right to do) just explain this to her in a very straight forward mannor. LEt her know that if this dosent work for her she can do a reading instead of being a BM. Be firm about your decision and about deadlines for measurements and money. You will be happy you set things straight from the beginning.
dora
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
Michele hit it dead on:
If she will not send the $$ just tell her that you will not be able to order her gown and therefore, she cannot be a BM.
I have a slightly similar thing -- one of my BM has been great with dress & wedding stuff, but doesn't get along with my FI (she's a bit of a snob & very possessive of me getting worse every day) and the sad truth is that it's very hard to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn't get along with your husband --> especially if the friend in question acts like such a jerk, you're not that interested in keeping her as a friend....
susanlynn
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
What kind of friend is she if she cannot trust you with the money for the dress? I agree with everyone else, and be careful. If she cannot trust you and she does not want to be a friend then she was never true to you to begin with. Good luck!!
Elizabeth
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
I don't have any specific advice but having been a bride-to-be, all I can say is that weddings seem to bring out some people's good side and other people's bad side. I don't know why it is but enough of us women have been there to tell you this is true. It seems to be a bride's rite of passage that someone who you expected to be able to count on disappoints you...on the flipside, there are probably so many people who are showing up and giving 110% to make your day a happy one. I was very fortunate with my family & friends, my problems were minimal. Hang in there, you don't sound like your being unreasonable at all. Best wishes!!
blushingbride2003
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
Thanks girls! You all made me feel better. It makes me wonder why I'm even friends with someone like this. It's so sad, but weddings do bring out the worst in some people. I can go on about that regarding some of my relatives but I won't. At the beginning I didn't even want a wedding because I knew some people would be so horrible to deal with but I won't let them ruin something I've been waiting for all my life! Thanks again everyone for all your help!!
jennbaby
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Re: A Pain in the Butt Bridesmaid!
I have a bridesmaid with real chubby upper arms--I know shes going to give me a hard time on the dresses, i just know it, she already told me she wants something to cover her arms...i'll let my MOH handle her lol!
I went last week with my BM to her fitting and all she did was complain that the dress didn't look good on her...I felt bad, but what can I do?? Sometimes I don't think she realizes what she says will affect me, and I don't think they understand that we can get really involved in planning a wedding...they'll find out sooner or later...and think to themsleves...Did I really say/do that?
but I agree if she doesn't give you the money...no bm dress...no bm
