A question that would be interesting for us all to share

I have a book for moms to be about the journey to motherhood. It has essays/short stories/poems and other writings from women about becoming mothers. After each 'item' is a list of question for you to answer and reflect on.

One of the question really made me think. And I thought it would be nice for us to all share our own answers.

-Becoming a mother forces you to re-prioritize your life and your goals but that doesn't mean you no longer have dreams or that you forget about the dreams you once had. If you were able to accomplish one more thing before becoming a mother what would it be and why?

I think so often we all post about the great days of motherhood that it is important to share that this is a journey that is full of ups, downs, good days, bad days and in between days. You can love your child and still have a bad day or wish you could have a day to yourself to just go wherever you want, whenever you want. I know that I have heard that from many, many friends before. So I thought it would be nice if we all shared some thoughts on the fact that being a mother isn't always perfect and wonderful.

This may seem small and of course, I am not a mother to a born child yet but this year will be my first year since Scott and I have been dating that I am not going to CO with him on his annual business trip there. We always add on days and go to new places in the area, then spend the business days at Keystone. We hike, horseback ride, sight see. It is a special together time for us. Because of my compressed nerve and the fact that we have a wedding later the same month in CA I cannot make the CO trip too. Scott is in the wedding party in CA so we both felt it was best if I attended the wedding, plus CO is a physical trip which would not be easy for me to do at this stage. I am really sad that I am missing out on our trip this year and feel left out that he will see CO without me, even though he isn't adding on extra days. He is sad that I will not be with him too. However I am trying to looking forward to our trip next year and we plan on bringing the baby with us.
So I guess my own answer to the question above is that I wish I were more well-traveled. While I know having a baby doesn't prevent you from traveling the World, we do not have that kind of money and with me working part time for a while we will have less of that money to spend on stuff like trips. Also, some places are not really children-friendly or even dangerous for them, such as our Africa trip.

Anyway I hope we can all share some part of ourselves in this post.

I wish I would have gotten my teaching cert. before I got pregnant. I know I can still do it but I can not got to school whenever I want. I feel like its going to be dragged out over years.

Also I wish I had more money saved up before we decided to have Emma.

Oh yeah I wish we were married first...

I wish I had gotten a literary agent. I was so incredibly close, and so excited...just all together in the 'right' frame of mind. I am trying very hard to find that place again but I feel like I am just not there now. That something has sort of been swiped from my spirit a bit.

Even though I have already had my children, this is an easy question for me to answer. I wish I had gone to college before I had my children. When I did finally go (when my daughter started kindergarten) I finished one semester and found out I was pregnant. On top of that my mom became ill with cancer and I took over a lot of the responsibilities for my younger siblings, plus taking my mom back and forth to chemo and radiation therapy. I had to leave school then and was not able to go back for several years. Since then I have taken classes periodically when I could fit them in, but still do not have my degree.

Yes I know I could go back now, but I seem to be lacking the motivation. Besides so much has changed in my life that I am not sure what I would be interested in anymore. I have so much experience in the business world that getting a business administration seems superfluous at this point.

Jenny- what type of book are your writing?
wendy- it is obvious that your dream is still a part of you. who cares if your career wouldn't advance because of the degree? and why take business admin, why not take something you love like art history or literature or psychology- there are hundreds of majors. maybe you should do it just for you and for no other reason.

This is an interesting question.
Michele, just want to say to you about missing your CO trip this year. One of the many sacrifices that will pay you dividends in just few short months!

The one thing that popped into my head while reading the post was, I wish we owned a house before the baby was born. But, now that we DO own our house, it seems less important. However, the time spent in the first year of Paul's life living in a temporary situation was not easy and took it's toll on all of us. Thankfully, things have calmed down and we are all doing great now that we have our own home to be a family in.

Personally for me, I wish that I had gotten myself back into better physical shape prior to getting PG. I also wish that I had decided what career would make me happier than the one I left after Paul was born. I had been considering a change for awhile, but the wedding and then maternity benefits made taking risks at that stage impossible. I know I can STILL do something different NOW, but deciding what that is can be difficult, especially if more schooling is a requirement. With priorities shifting toward what's best for Paul, it is hard to say. Being a single income family means you really have to decide what each penny is spent on every month, and Jeff and I are not keen on taking loans for schooling. Since I don't have a specific career in mind, it's not something that we are trying to determine right now - but it IS something that's always in the back of my head.

I hope I don't come across as being a phony when I say this, but I truly mean it.

My life is EXACTLY what I want it to be today. I have many goals and plans, but I have no regrets or 'I wish I hads' either. Today, July 12th, 2003 I am content and happy.

(Now I am knocking every wood and wood-like surface in my house hoping I haven't jinxed myself! )

Jenn, that's not phony at all. And, don't be so supersticious! I think it is wonderful to feel so content as you await your child! Good for you!!!

Jenn, I was kinda thinking the same thing as you, but thought it was 'too perfect' to mention

Thats great that youre content and happy. Thats what life should be about

Im also very happy at this point in my life. I feel blessed that I found such a great guy to be my husband, that we were able to buy a home as we got married (a month apart), and that we have been able to 'come' to where we are today in our lives. My son is such a big blessing to us and the start of our family.

I have always wanted to teach. Ive always had a passion for children, and didnt continue my Masters way back because of the nice salary I was making at the time, and my ego refused to take that huge of a paycut to teach (in the city schools).

Now my life has taken a 'slow down' as far as that 'RUSH' or that 'HIGH' to be running up that ladder in corporate America. I realized that teaching was my calling, because I am finishing up the degree now, and I am home with my son in the meantime. SO I feel I am getting the best of both worlds, being able to continue school, be home with my son, and have a fulfililling career (and lots of vacation time to be with my family) in the future.

I cant complain thank God.

Like Jenn said, I feel as though there's nothing more I could want before we have children. Career wise I am where I should be and am very happy with it. BUt I won't miss it at the same time if I decide to be a SAHM.

If I were able to accomplish one more thing before becoming a mother I would say I want to travel more. I would love to go to far away places and experience it all.

This is a great thread, even for those that are not yet pregnant. It kind of puts things in perspective your life before and your life after children. I think a big part of why I want to wait a few years is so that I could be like Jenn. But to be honest, you ladies are so inspiring and at times I wish that I am in your situations. I think being a mother is the greatest gift in this world that all those wishes are really such a small price to pay for being blessed with a beautiful child.

I have to admit, that I am glad I got pregnant when I did. I always wanted a career and was fairly ambitious. I reached exactly the height I wanted to and accomplished everything I felt I needed to in that part of my life before Ryan came along. I am returning to work on Wednesday for exactly one month and will then fulfill my other ambition of being a SAHM. I am finally ready for that. A few years ago I would not have been...that's why we waited for children.

I am so blessed with a wonderful husband, a beautiful child, a house we plan to stay in forever and a wonderful extended family. I guess my only 'regret' is that DH and I did not make a trip to Italy before we had the baby - trips like that now seem like they will never happen. But it is a small price to pay.

I love this thread, especially the mention of how hard being a Mom is - especially a new Mom. Some days I have felt so alone and scared. I have cried thinking I am a terrible Mom because I don't 'know' what to do. Many people have told me that the first child, and a newborn, is a hard thing. I have to say, I have never done anything so hard, yet so rewarding in my entire life. If I could express in words how much I dread going back to work - even for just a short month, I would. I cannot wait now to start this new stage of my life... to us all!

I think travelling is one thing that I wish I had more time and money to do before we had Lyla. I'm glad I went on a study abroad trip to Africa in college, and my family is in India, which I have been to many times. But, I have always wanted to drive cross country and never had a chance to. I always joke with Peter that when we're retired we will buy a winnebego and go to every state! I think when our kids are a bit older, we can always do car trips on the east coast, but I want to see CO, AZ, NM, Northern CA, OR, and WA. I would love to travel to Alaska, parts of Asia, Africa and Australia, and of course Europe. I really don't think I'll be doing this anytime soon. I just have to watch the Travel channel for the next 20 years!

Niha, if you are putting off traveling because of the baby, you may want to reconsider. If it is because of other reasons (financial, vacation time from work, etc.), I totally understand where you are coming from. I believe I posted about our recent trip to AZ and CA. We rented an RV in AZ and went to National Parks and a few other fun places. Annalise was 4-5 months during the trip, and it was a wonderful age for her to travel. She will not remember the trip, but my husband and I got to do all the things we wanted to. She was not yet mobile so we were able to hike with her in a backpack. I nursed her exclusively which helped make for light traveling.
I was very happy about the time we chose to TTC, so I am not sure there is one mroe thing I wanted to accomplish. We did lots of traveling before hand (& after), but I would love to see other parts of the world. I am sure I will get to do trips abroad as my children grow and when we retire. I guess I feel lucky to have found the right person at a young age. This gave us five fun-filled years before having a baby, and we put them to good use. We have a nice home, cars that are paid off, careers and many trips. I also finished interior design school during my first trimester and began working in the industry while pregnant. I feel blessed.

Im usually a lurker on this board but I have to say that everyone responses confirm that I will probably never be ready to have children.

I think its wonderful that you moms have so few 'wish you had dones'...but I dont think I would ever be able to have a child and not leave some big things 'undone'. Not a few, A LOT.

This thread is very frightening to me....but its nice to see everyone so fufilled.

Stef, keep in mind that we are all a bit older than you. You may change your mind.

I never felt that doing things 'without children' would be more fun or more fulfilling.
If my parents had done everything we did as a family 'before us' I would never have so many great experiences 'growing up' in Italy, going there every other year of my life. or the many other great places and things I did growing up.

I think the way we look at things in life is all a matter of personal choice and how we feel happy and fulfilled. I cant wait to have more children to enjoy the rest of lifes experiences, travels, trips to the zoos, aquariums, etc etc. Scary thing is when we went to Disney together (about a year after we met) we were both googling over all the kids and saying 'this would be so much more fun with kids'...

SO i guess I have more 'cant wait to do' than 'wish I did'...

quote:
So I guess I have more 'can't wait to do' than 'wish I did'...

I agree Anna. Well said!!

Let's see...I'd have to say that I am also pretty happy with the way my life has turned out (so far). I have always wanted to be young when I had my first child (I'm 25). I have had a career for 3 years, gotten my Master's degree, gotten married to a wonderful man...and now I have the most precious gift I could have ever asked for. I think I've accomplished a lot for my age. I have no regrets...but, like Anna said, there is still SO much I can't wait to do...WITH my family by my side!


melissa