A question that would be interesting for us all to share

Original post by michele31

Jul 11, 2003 01:03 PM

I have a book for moms to be about the journey to motherhood. It has essays/short stories/poems and other writings from women about becoming mothers. After each 'item' is a list of question for you to answer and reflect on.

One of the question really made me think. And I thought it would be nice for us to all share our own answers.

-Becoming a mother forces you to re-prioritize your life and your goals but that doesn't mean you no longer have dreams or that you forget about the dreams you once had. If you were able to accomplish one more thing before becoming a mother what would it be and why?

I think so often we all post about the great days of motherhood that it is important to share that this is a journey that is full of ups, downs, good days, bad days and in between days. You can love your child and still have a bad day or wish you could have a day to yourself to just go wherever you want, whenever you want. I know that I have heard that from many, many friends before. So I thought it would be nice if we all shared some thoughts on the fact that being a mother isn't always perfect and wonderful.

This may seem small and of course, I am not a mother to a born child yet but this year will be my first year since Scott and I have been dating that I am not going to CO with him on his annual business trip there. We always add on days and go to new places in the area, then spend the business days at Keystone. We hike, horseback ride, sight see. It is a special together time for us. Because of my compressed nerve and the fact that we have a wedding later the same month in CA I cannot make the CO trip too. Scott is in the wedding party in CA so we both felt it was best if I attended the wedding, plus CO is a physical trip which would not be easy for me to do at this stage. I am really sad that I am missing out on our trip this year and feel left out that he will see CO without me, even though he isn't adding on extra days. He is sad that I will not be with him too. However I am trying to looking forward to our trip next year and we plan on bringing the baby with us.
So I guess my own answer to the question above is that I wish I were more well-traveled. While I know having a baby doesn't prevent you from traveling the World, we do not have that kind of money and with me working part time for a while we will have less of that money to spend on stuff like trips. Also, some places are not really children-friendly or even dangerous for them, such as our Africa trip.

Anyway I hope we can all share some part of ourselves in this post.

Lee Posted: Jul 14, 2003 05:17 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

Anna, you took the words right out of my mouth. Hubby and I were looking at our beautiful 9 week old son last night and talking about all of the 'can't wait to dos!' - the 'wish we dids' never even crossed our minds - I can't wait to see what this new chapter in our life has in store for us!!

michele31 Posted: Jul 14, 2003 06:37 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

I don't think the question is all about regrets, it is more about the fact that we have all made choices about starting a family and with that choice comes some kind of sacrifice. I think you can be a very happy person who loves being a mom and still have things that are left undone.

Claud2001 Posted: Jul 14, 2003 06:42 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

I think that everyone agrees with the 'I can't wait to do's' thing. But, Michele's initial question was about the MOM personally - not as a part of her family unit. So, not everyone is interpreting the question the same way.

For example - in my post, I mentioned my physical state and my career. Those things are exclusive to me and have NOTHING to do with being very happily married or very happily a SAHM. See the difference?

michele31 Posted: Jul 14, 2003 06:51 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

Exactly Claud.

anna Posted: Jul 14, 2003 08:48 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

nope. I dont see the difference

As far as for myself, im continuing schooling which ive always had as a goal for myself to go on and get a masters and Phd. and teach.
Is that what you meant?

I guess I can also say my priorities changed as my life changed. When I was 'single' I wanted to be a career woman at the top of the corporate ladder, but now that seems SOOO unappealing to me. Not really unappealing, but more 'not for me'. I will be completely content being a teacher and being able to enjoy life at a leisurely pace in the suburbs, than make twice or 3 times as much in corporate american and live that type of lifestyle (hustle and bustle rush rush rush)...

does that answer the question ???

Claud2001 Posted: Jul 14, 2003 09:09 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

Anna, I think you do see the difference...you're just 'talking' yourself out of it! I think you have finally answered the question tho - it was about focusing on just you, and not on John and JA so much. That is where the lines blurred with the 'can't wait for' stuff.

Everyone's priorities change when they become parents - it is natural and I don't think that makes anyone 'unique' in the experience. Everyone's lives have a different pace, too.

For you, it is clear that you are pursuing your dream to become a teacher, and you don't feel that it is something you would have liked to complete before JA was born - you are content to juggle being a student, wife and SAHM (not necessarily in that order!)

anna Posted: Jul 14, 2003 11:13 PM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

Thanks Dr. Claud !

Your evaluation of me seems pretty precise !

natasha Posted: Jul 15, 2003 08:08 AM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

I have no regrets about becoming a mom at this time of my life. I actually feel blessed. I still have things I want to accomplish in my personal life -- like being a lawyer in title, but not necessarily a career choice. Hubby and I still have a lot to accomplish, and we are confident and happy to be taking our bambino along for the ride.

phyl Posted: Jul 15, 2003 09:08 AM

Re: A question that would be interesting for us all to share

We became pregant just b4 our 2nd annive...and we did get to travel a bit- las vegas, LA, Hawaii, and Thailand. The Thai trip was taken in 11/01- almost right after 9.11.
An amazing trip and I am sooo glad we did it..since it would be a long time b4 we could with Julianne- 30 hours in air is a lot to ask of a child!

After 9.11, in the months that followed my industry went through a LOT of downsizing. The slump was there since the beginning of the yr but we all took a hit post 9/11...and I had to do one of the hardest things at that time...figure out who on my team would be let go. None of it was based on performance since they were all good at what they do. Caused many sleepless nights and in the end, the boss did what she felt was right..and did not always approach this from a workload/performance point of view- more like favorites.
anyway, after a few weeks of coming home in a car since it was after 9pm...I truly let myself go and wonder when we would ever have a child and cried quite a bit (what a mush!)...

so, I am happy where I am although I wish (I'm sure many wish the same) that we had more $$ and /or were not taxed to death..so that if I HAD to work..I could entertain working closer to home.

There just aren't advertising jobs in LI that pay enough to cover basic bills.