AAAHHH

so let me start this post with the pleasant part of my day. FH and i finally had a day off together so we ordered our wedding rings and picked out the tuxes. yay!!
now the crappiness.
i decided to ask my brother to be an usher in the wedding. so i called him today and told him i'd like him to be an usher and to walk mom down the aisle.
in the snottiest tone you could imagine, his replies were 'why?'; 'why does mom walk down the aisle?'; 'since when do mother's walk down the aisle?'
i felt like saying, since it's MY wedding, since mom is closer to me than anyone else and i WANT her to walk down and stand out. and i THOUGHT it'd be nice if her only son escorted her.
but instead i just said that it'd mean a lot if he could walk her down and then help seat people.
'i can't afford to rent a tux.'
ummm, so the 39 year old grown man who's making 150+k a year who was going to have to buy a new suit anyway (i know this because his wife told me) can't scrounge up 135 bucks to rent a tux for his baby sister's wedding?
instead, 'how about if we pay for it for you?'
'i really don't think so. but i'm going to have to get back to you on that.'
well as FH said to me later on, he doesn't have to get back to us because the offer is no longer extended. you don't want to be in our wedding? we don't want you in it.
and yeah, that's how i feel too, to an extent. but this hurts worse than i could have imagined. and it's just not that simple.
my mom is piiiiissed. she wants to 'talk' to him. but i told her not to, because he shouldn't have to be 'talked into' being in his sister's wedding.
he acts like he's always laying out money or something. our family is small and none of us have been in any other family weddings. my older sister never got married. just me. and i know he hasn't been in any weddings since his own - almost 16 years ago.
i understand anyone can have financial burdens. everyone does. we do. but i'd still be willing to pay for his tux to have him be a part of this. i just wish his would care enough about me, to be a part. i'd rather him spend the money on the tux than a wedding present. having my whole family as a part of the wedding; that'd mean so much more to me than any check.
but it's not about the money and i know it.
ever since my brother moved out and got married, he hasn't had much to do with any of us, or bothered to make us a part of his or his kids' lives. my mother has gotten into it many times with him. my sister didn't talk to him for years over their own issues - ie, when my sister, a single mom, finally bought her own house she asked my bro to come over and see it and he 'didn't have the time'. in 2 years so far. nice.
all of this i guess should have made me expect it. that's what my dad says. but i guess i really didn't. i always though i had a different repor with him than everyone else. when i was little, my dad says i wasn't mommy or daddy's little girl - my brother was always my favorite. and he knew it. i guess i just figured i'm his sister - we're family. that should matter. but it doesn't. not to him. and it's like a knife, for real. i'm angry and beyond sad. i guess if he decides he wants to be in it, i'm not going to renig the offer or anything but i really don't see how i'll be happy to have him as part of it, at this point. and if he isn't, i know there will be that weight on my shoulders on my wedding day, when i see him. i'm not sure this is something i can ever forget - i just feel like it was the icing on the cake of him not caring about this family

Re: AAAHHH

Sorry you had such a bad day, I hope things work out for you

Re: AAAHHH

so sorry your bro is being a jerk. that stinks! try not to let it get u down--i mean you should expect it from his past behavior. it's his loss!

Re: AAAHHH

Re: AAAHHH

Sorry that your brother is being insincere. I hope everything works out!

Re: AAAHHH

hope it gets better

Re: AAAHHH

I'm so sorry - that's really awful. I personally think you should renig the offer, but that's just me. He was beyond hurtful and unthoughtful, to put in nicely. I would just tell him 'forget it- I didn't mean to be an inconvenience'

Re: AAAHHH

here's some hugs and I hope evrything works out for you!

Re: AAAHHH

I am so sorry that had to go that way!!