About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

esb980 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:10 PM

About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

FH says he loves me, he loves my 'plumpness' but, honestly, I think he might be just a little bit more then turned off if I packed on another 400 pounds... I'm sure he'd still love me, but I can't imagine him being attracted to me.... I think it's false advertising. JMO

thefirstlady Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:12 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH will love your body no matter what......

I agree. It's also a health factor. If you were to pack on another 400, look what that would do to your knees, heart, etc. NO GOOD! A man who really loves you should support you and encourage you to be healthy, since you will be spending the rest of your life w/ that person!

Goldi1021 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:20 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

I could get blasted for this but I like to live on the edge.

I used to be quite heavy - 260 pounds. There were guys who liked me that weight. I had many relationships at that weight and I never considered my weight to be the factor as to why I wasn't married. I used to frequent parties for plus-sized women and there were MANY men who preferred big women. Some for a fling, others for a real relationship.

I think what people need to realize is that yes, there are people who find a woman (or man) who is overweight attractive as they are WHEN THEY MEET THEM. But if they gain (or even lose) weight, you can't expect that they will hold that PHYSICAL attraction forever. It is unrealistic.

My mother had a 29 inch waist when she got married. Now she is over 260 pounds herself and has been morbidly obese for most of my life and throughout her 49 year marriage to my father. Did he love her? Of course. Could he have lived without her? No way. Was he attracted to her? Honestly? I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't.

Relationships change over time. As long as couples accept that and can stay faithful, they are good.

cindyandkevin Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:23 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH will love your body no matter what......

I hear what you're saying, and in a way you're right. But there's a difference between being attracted to someone and loving them. I mean he should love the real you that's on the inside no matter what and look past the extra 400lbs.

However, his attraction would prob falter which is why it's important that we continue to look nice for each other and not to completely 'let go' once we're married. Attraction is an important part of marriage as you want to have a healthy sex life in order to keep things flowing.

But figure it this way, we love our families but we're certainly not attracted to them. Same thing for your friends, you can love them without a physical attraction. But your spouse should be attracted to you and if not then there's a problem that the 2 of you should work out.

And that's my take on the matter!

JessicaM. Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:23 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

Posted by Goldi1021

I could get blasted for this but I like to live on the edge.

I used to be quite heavy - 260 pounds. There were guys who liked me that weight. I had many relationships at that weight and I never considered my weight to be the factor as to why I wasn't married. I used to frequent parties for plus-sized women and there were MANY men who preferred big women. Some for a fling, others for a real relationship.

I think what people need to realize is that yes, there are people who find a woman (or man) who is overweight attractive as they are WHEN THEY MEET THEM. But if they gain (or even lose) weight, you can't expect that they will hold that PHYSICAL attraction forever. It is unrealistic.

My mother had a 29 inch waist when she got married. Now she is over 260 pounds herself and has been morbidly obese for most of my life and throughout her 49 year marriage to my father. Did he love her? Of course. Could he have lived without her? No way. Was he attracted to her? Honestly? I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't.

Relationships change over time. As long as couples accept that and can stay faithful, they are good.

you took the thoughts right out of my head! love and physical attraction are not one and the same.

esb980 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:26 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

I am aware that someday I may not be attracted to my FH, I do believe, however that I will always love him. I think I might be a little angry if he just completely let himself go, thats all I'm saying.....

Goldi1021 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:31 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

FH gained 30 pounds since we started dating. We've been together for a year and a half. I love him more than ever and I am still attracted to him. His heart is real and pure and he is my best friend. Would I be attracted to him if he were 400 pounds? No. Does that make me shallow? I don't think so. Buthe'd still be my best friend and that could be and is often enough for many couples today. Most do not have that head-overheels thing for ever.

I think that just as men and women are attracted to blonde people, or certain skin tones or short people or people with glasses (you get my point), that they should be entitled to be attracted to someone because of (or in spite of) their weight. It is a physical attribute and its human nature.

esb980 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:33 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

put it this way, I'm not as thin as I uswed to be and FH killer body aint so killer anymoe.... BUT I just think theres a certain point you get to when something may need to be said.... forget it, I can't seem to say what I'm trying to say......

beautyq115 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:33 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

I have definetely gained weight since we started dating...all that going out to eat I am not happy with my body and even when I was thinner I wasn't ever happy. My FI says that I am 'perfect' just the way I am...but I don't feel that I am.

Goldi1021 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:37 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

Being happy with yourself is very important and no matter what anyone else says it isnt enough. I lived many years in a body I couldnt stand and it was a very depressing existence. It didnt matter that I had boyfriends. It didn't matter that I had intimate relations (trying to keep it clean here ladies) whenever I wanted. I didnt feel beautiful. Just remember, your men aren't there to complete you or make you feel beautiful, YOU have to do it yourself. If you feel beautiful at 90 pounds, 200 pounds or 400 pounds then you are just fine!

JessicaM. Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:38 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

Posted by esb980

put it this way, I'm not as thin as I uswed to be and FH killer body aint so killer anymoe.... BUT I just think theres a certain point you get to when something may need to be said.... forget it, I can't seem to say what I'm trying to say......

now, I totally see what your saying...there is a breaking point when cute and pudgy becomes I love you but I really don't want to be naked with you...

It may sound mean, but I am sure it's true. thankfully over the years neither of us have gotten to that point, but I plan to maintain...

I know I am loveable, but I LOVE that fh finds me attractive too- I like that he scans the room and still finds me to be his fav eye candy (though he likes to look at other chix, which is ok by me...I do it too) and let's face it, the better you look/better physical condition your in...the better the nookie is.

stephanielyse Posted: Oct 21, 2005 05:40 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

CJStein Posted: Oct 22, 2005 02:28 PM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

I think if I or FH gained a lot of weight, we'd be unhappy with ourselves, which would lead to unhappiness with eachother. You know what I'm saying? If you're not in love with yourself (happy in your own skin), you can't be in love with someone else. It's not that if you gained 100 lbs you'd be ugly physically, but you might be unhappy with yourself which would lead to some ugliness inside.

MrsP2Be Posted: Oct 23, 2005 07:53 AM

Re: About the weight isssue and FH loving my body

Posted by beautyq115

I have definetely gained weight since we started dating...all that going out to eat

With each relationship I had it was the same thing. My mother used to say an ex of mine was trying to make me fat so no one else would be attracted to me. He was just trying to make me happy and fast food crap did!

With my FH it was the same thing. We BOTH blew up. I think we both gained at least 30lbs in the last 7 1/2 years.

I've been working my butt off to work all these burgers off and it's working..and now my mother is complaining because FH is NOT losing weight for the wedding. Who's really going to be looking at his body under the tux? I care more that he's at an UNHEALTHY weight more than how he looks right now. Then again my mom is at an unhealthy weight herself.