Adventures in Babysitting~featuring ME!
Ok, This is a very funny story...atleast now it is...
Background~
Friday night I babysat for my three cousins-
Peter (13), Justine (9), and Louis (8) and their two cousins, Kaitlin (13) and Christina (9). Five all together...
Their parents all went to a wedding in Brooklyn at El Caribe. They all live in Holtsville,same block two doors apart from each other. I arrived at 4.30. They left at 5.30.
Their house (my cousins) is gigantic. They have a huge foyer, huge living room, huge kitchen with sliding glass doors. The playroom faces the yard. Their is a door in the kitchen which leads to the garage.
Story~
7:00, Peter signs on to AOL. The other four children turn off the lights in the playroom and decided to put on a play. They are entertaining themselves so I go in to the living room to watch TV. The house is freezing. I have an afgan on. I think I may hear the bell, but it could be the TV...I was watching cartoon. I ignore it. Who would be knocking on the door at 7:15 at night? ESPECIALLY at my cousins house. My uncle is a retired NYPD Sergeant, its run like the military in that house. People just don't stop by for the h*ll of it.
7:22~Bang bang bang....Peter screams 'Uhhhh, that wasn't me....' It's coming from the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. (FYI: THERE IS NO ACCESS FROM THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE TO THE YARD, IT'S COMPLETELY FENCED IN!!!!!)
Bang bang bang~front door~bang bang bang~back door~bang bang bang~GARAGE DOOR!!!!!! THE GARAGE IS LOCKED AT SOMEONE IS BANGING ON THE DOOR!!!!
The six of us huddle in the playroom/kitchen doorway, I tell Petey to get the cordless at dial 911. 'We don't have a cordless~only the phone BESIDE THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR!!!!'..((&^*%% Drill Sergeant uncle of mine, the man NEEDS to get a cordless for Christmas from me!)
Holding on to each other, we inch closer and closer to the front door via the foyer...
IT'S THE POLICE!!! THREE OF THEM LOOKING IN TO THR HOUSE WITH THEIR FLASHLIGHTS!
I open the front door, they ask me to open the screen door. They tell me that the neighbor across the yarsd claims that the house has been vacant for four days and that they see someonewandering inside the house with a flash light. I calmly(as I am about to wet myself from fear) try to explain to the police officer that they...
I tell that that first of all, it's impossible. Yesterday yes, they were in Queens for Thanksgiving, but they were home all day today.
Kaitlin butts in~'We were putting on a play about Babysitting and the flashlights were used as spotlights to make it....'
Police: Shhhh....WHo are you ? (Meaning me!)
I'm their cousin. What's your name? Laurie*******. Spell it. (I spell it) DOB? 00/**/00. D0 you live here? No..(He cuts me off.) Who does? The three start screaming I do, I do, I do...Kaitilin goes, :I'm Kaitlin ********~I live two doors down, *** **th AVenue...(Officer)~SHHHH!!!!! You, pointing to Peter, teh oldest~What is your name? He says his name. Spell it! He spells it.
Focusing back to me~Where are the owners of the house....At a wedding in Brooklyn with his sister and BIL, the two girls parents.
He replies, 'That figures.' WTF was THAT suposed to mean? Where are you from? Lynbrook, should I jsut get my license? Yes. The kids get me license. Two cop cars are in front of teh house. Three cops on the stoop, multiple cops in teh yard and more cop cars are at the neighbors. My license matches my plate registration. They say SORRY~everythingn checks out ok. Have a good night.
WHAT? HAVE A GOOD NIGHT? I HAVE 5 (6, if you include the biggest baby of them all, ME!) children having minor coronaries and they say sorry?
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So with the exception of one cop car, they all leave. I am practically having one of my anxiety attacks. 15 minutes pass. Louis is glued to teh window. Kaitlin, CHristine and Justine are huddled wit their noses to the door panes. I am all pissed at this point, I find my uncles Post ofice ID as he is now a Sufflok Mailman and I find a utility bill. I open teh door (with the kids all watcing me, knock on the PO's window and show him the ID. I say look, you are scaring the children, not to mention ME, to death. Is there anything else you need...here is the ID of the owner, MY UNCLE. He is like oh no, I'm sorry. It all checked out. Would you like me t otalk to the Kids?
Uh, yeah, that would be nice?
He comes in to the foyer with me.
He explains:
Your neighbor called us and said that your home has been vacant for atleast four days (LIE). He saw no lights except for teh flashlights in the back room, facing his house. (LIE, teh only room with the light off was the playroom. Kitchen, Living room and dining room all had lights on!) So, we went to his house, confirmed that there were flashlights used, climbed over the fence in to your yard, surrounded teh house with three in the back, three in teh front, three on the side and then you answered the door. Everything is ok though, so we are leaving now. (^&(%*)%%^!![]()
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Ok, they leave. Kids clean up and with the exception of Petey, all of teh kids and I cuddle up in the living room. Kaitlin and CHristina beep their mother and she calls back. They proceed to tell her the story. Scares her half to death. My uncle calls.![]()
'That no good SOB! (&^*% ^)^&^) _%! Liek he didn't see me fixubg his *)^(& fence which he should have fixed &*$%$!8Y^! HE needs to mind his own *^*%&%$ business! I swear that *^*%^* has it in for me! '. My aunt (my godmother who I adore) calls, are you ok? I'm so sorry! The girls said you were having
chest pains. (I was...I have panic attacks) Nah, I'm fine...don't worry about us, we'll be ok!
10:33. The wind blows and the side door flies open~Now remember, there is no access in to the garage, it just OPENED by itself...
LET ME TELL YOU! I HAVE NEVER SEEN MY COUSIN PETE MOVE HIS BUTT SO FAST IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! HE BOTED IN TO THE LIVING ROOM!! 'The door opened by itself...!!!'
The six of use slowly walk in to the kitchen, brave Kaitlin closes the door (I am last in this line of heroes!) I tell them to put a chair in front of the door...'No, (Drill Sergeant) Daddy will get mad!' No offense, guys, but do you think I care? They agree...chair goes infront of the door...
So 11:00, 4 down, petey to go. He is just moping around teh lvingroom while they all sleep around him. I suggest, 'Why don't you get your pillow and blanket and sleep down here wih us...? I would feel safer...(I WAS BEING SERIOUS! IT WASN'T A LINE TO MAKE HIM FEEL MORE IMPORTANT! I WAS SCARED SILLY!' (I didn'thave to ask him twice!) SURE!!!!!!!
11:15~
We all are asleep
2:00~
The parents all come home. They collect Kaitlin and Christina, tehy leave.
My Uncle~*)^*%^( %*(%(% )^%$%(%$
^(^&* ) _& &)& NEIGHBOR!! I SHOULD CALL THE POLICE ON HIM AND LET THEM SCARE THE *()*&( OUT OF HIM THE WAY THEY DID TO MY KIDS!!!
Blah blah blah...
Best part of teh story? I am just glad that I was watching them instead of my poor 75 year old grandmother! She would have had another heart attack!
Background~
Friday night I babysat for my three cousins-
Peter (13), Justine (9), and Louis (8) and their two cousins, Kaitlin (13) and Christina (9). Five all together...
Their parents all went to a wedding in Brooklyn at El Caribe. They all live in Holtsville,same block two doors apart from each other. I arrived at 4.30. They left at 5.30.
Their house (my cousins) is gigantic. They have a huge foyer, huge living room, huge kitchen with sliding glass doors. The playroom faces the yard. Their is a door in the kitchen which leads to the garage.
Story~
7:00, Peter signs on to AOL. The other four children turn off the lights in the playroom and decided to put on a play. They are entertaining themselves so I go in to the living room to watch TV. The house is freezing. I have an afgan on. I think I may hear the bell, but it could be the TV...I was watching cartoon. I ignore it. Who would be knocking on the door at 7:15 at night? ESPECIALLY at my cousins house. My uncle is a retired NYPD Sergeant, its run like the military in that house. People just don't stop by for the h*ll of it.
7:22~Bang bang bang....Peter screams 'Uhhhh, that wasn't me....' It's coming from the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. (FYI: THERE IS NO ACCESS FROM THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE TO THE YARD, IT'S COMPLETELY FENCED IN!!!!!)
Bang bang bang~front door~bang bang bang~back door~bang bang bang~GARAGE DOOR!!!!!! THE GARAGE IS LOCKED AT SOMEONE IS BANGING ON THE DOOR!!!!
The six of us huddle in the playroom/kitchen doorway, I tell Petey to get the cordless at dial 911. 'We don't have a cordless~only the phone BESIDE THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR!!!!'..((&^*%% Drill Sergeant uncle of mine, the man NEEDS to get a cordless for Christmas from me!)
Holding on to each other, we inch closer and closer to the front door via the foyer...
IT'S THE POLICE!!! THREE OF THEM LOOKING IN TO THR HOUSE WITH THEIR FLASHLIGHTS!
I open the front door, they ask me to open the screen door. They tell me that the neighbor across the yarsd claims that the house has been vacant for four days and that they see someonewandering inside the house with a flash light. I calmly(as I am about to wet myself from fear) try to explain to the police officer that they...
I tell that that first of all, it's impossible. Yesterday yes, they were in Queens for Thanksgiving, but they were home all day today.
Kaitlin butts in~'We were putting on a play about Babysitting and the flashlights were used as spotlights to make it....'
Police: Shhhh....WHo are you ? (Meaning me!)
I'm their cousin. What's your name? Laurie*******. Spell it. (I spell it) DOB? 00/**/00. D0 you live here? No..(He cuts me off.) Who does? The three start screaming I do, I do, I do...Kaitilin goes, :I'm Kaitlin ********~I live two doors down, *** **th AVenue...(Officer)~SHHHH!!!!! You, pointing to Peter, teh oldest~What is your name? He says his name. Spell it! He spells it.
Focusing back to me~Where are the owners of the house....At a wedding in Brooklyn with his sister and BIL, the two girls parents.
He replies, 'That figures.' WTF was THAT suposed to mean? Where are you from? Lynbrook, should I jsut get my license? Yes. The kids get me license. Two cop cars are in front of teh house. Three cops on the stoop, multiple cops in teh yard and more cop cars are at the neighbors. My license matches my plate registration. They say SORRY~everythingn checks out ok. Have a good night.
WHAT? HAVE A GOOD NIGHT? I HAVE 5 (6, if you include the biggest baby of them all, ME!) children having minor coronaries and they say sorry?
So with the exception of one cop car, they all leave. I am practically having one of my anxiety attacks. 15 minutes pass. Louis is glued to teh window. Kaitlin, CHristine and Justine are huddled wit their noses to the door panes. I am all pissed at this point, I find my uncles Post ofice ID as he is now a Sufflok Mailman and I find a utility bill. I open teh door (with the kids all watcing me, knock on the PO's window and show him the ID. I say look, you are scaring the children, not to mention ME, to death. Is there anything else you need...here is the ID of the owner, MY UNCLE. He is like oh no, I'm sorry. It all checked out. Would you like me t otalk to the Kids?
Uh, yeah, that would be nice?
He comes in to the foyer with me.
He explains:
Your neighbor called us and said that your home has been vacant for atleast four days (LIE). He saw no lights except for teh flashlights in the back room, facing his house. (LIE, teh only room with the light off was the playroom. Kitchen, Living room and dining room all had lights on!) So, we went to his house, confirmed that there were flashlights used, climbed over the fence in to your yard, surrounded teh house with three in the back, three in teh front, three on the side and then you answered the door. Everything is ok though, so we are leaving now. (^&(%*)%%^!
Ok, they leave. Kids clean up and with the exception of Petey, all of teh kids and I cuddle up in the living room. Kaitlin and CHristina beep their mother and she calls back. They proceed to tell her the story. Scares her half to death. My uncle calls.
chest pains. (I was...I have panic attacks) Nah, I'm fine...don't worry about us, we'll be ok!
10:33. The wind blows and the side door flies open~Now remember, there is no access in to the garage, it just OPENED by itself...
LET ME TELL YOU! I HAVE NEVER SEEN MY COUSIN PETE MOVE HIS BUTT SO FAST IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! HE BOTED IN TO THE LIVING ROOM!! 'The door opened by itself...!!!'
The six of use slowly walk in to the kitchen, brave Kaitlin closes the door (I am last in this line of heroes!) I tell them to put a chair in front of the door...'No, (Drill Sergeant) Daddy will get mad!' No offense, guys, but do you think I care? They agree...chair goes infront of the door...
So 11:00, 4 down, petey to go. He is just moping around teh lvingroom while they all sleep around him. I suggest, 'Why don't you get your pillow and blanket and sleep down here wih us...? I would feel safer...(I WAS BEING SERIOUS! IT WASN'T A LINE TO MAKE HIM FEEL MORE IMPORTANT! I WAS SCARED SILLY!' (I didn'thave to ask him twice!) SURE!!!!!!!
11:15~
We all are asleep
2:00~
The parents all come home. They collect Kaitlin and Christina, tehy leave.
My Uncle~*)^*%^( %*(%(% )^%$%(%$
^(^&* ) _& &)& NEIGHBOR!! I SHOULD CALL THE POLICE ON HIM AND LET THEM SCARE THE *()*&( OUT OF HIM THE WAY THEY DID TO MY KIDS!!!
Blah blah blah...
Best part of teh story? I am just glad that I was watching them instead of my poor 75 year old grandmother! She would have had another heart attack!
