Advice- FH is upset with me

---

Posted by FutureMrsLMS

I would be very angry and upset also. I also would take this as an opportunity to put my foot down. Once a man gets his way with you, its over. Tell him no and that you have compromised enough in the past. Men will try to get as much mileage from you as possible ONLY if you let them!! Stand your ground now and FH will respect you more for it..but thats JMO...

---

Thanks, I see where you're coming from. I did try to put my foot down, but he did too. He basically told me it's ridiculous and he's going. I can't believe he's going to go knowing how I feel about this. What do you think I should say to him?

---

Posted by KrisD72310

Just got into another fight with FH about this. He says everyone he talks to says I'm unreasonable and don't support anything he does. He says that he won't be my 'puppet'. Oh I'd love to know where he heard that one. Oh, and who did he call, his mommy! I said have your mom call me and I'll tell her my side of it. Is he freaking kidding me. At this point I want to tell him if he goes away don't bother calling me when he gets home.

---

I think weddings start making some men go a little crazy. I knot it did my FH.

I guess what would make me most upset at this point is the fact that he discussed it with 'everyone' including his mother. Thats not fair to bring in people you both mutually spend time with. I don't blame you for being upset - I would be. I think you guys should use this time to just talk it might end up that something else is under the surface.

I feel your pain b/c my FH just left for Vermont 2 hours ago with a few of his friends! He'll be back Tuesday.

It sux not havin him home & of course I miss him already but I think it's good to have some time apart. He loves snowboarding and he busts his asss working sometimes 7 days a week so I think he deserves to go have a good time with the boys.

I would just talk to him and say that you understand he wants some 'guy time' but you would appreciate it if he could plan something sweet for just the 2 of you.

I completely understand why you would be upset but I wouldn't fight with FH over it. Like you said, he will probably go anyway so what's the point of fighting and being upset before he goes away. Huggies for you!!

ETA: I was typing this while you wrote about the puppet thing. Now that would piss me off!!

Just wanted to say thank you for all of your support girls. The truth is, I still don't really know what the right thing to do is. But, he has known how I feel about this for awhile and I'm just really hurt by his words and that he basically told me that he's going no matter what. I have a horrible headache from crying over this because his words have been so hurtful and I can't believe he's gone and talked to his family about this and has made me out to look like a controlling b****. I will keep you updated, but just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you, to those who have responded and tried to help. I really do appreciate it very much!!!

---

Posted by jgl

my feeling is... let him go.. he wants to hang out with his friend it is for 2 days, before you know it you will be married, living together and seeing him everyday.

---

i argee with this... HOWEVER, i think he's handling this like a child!!

---

Posted by KrisD72310

---

Posted by FutureMrsLMS

I would be very angry and upset also. I also would take this as an opportunity to put my foot down. Once a man gets his way with you, its over. Tell him no and that you have compromised enough in the past. Men will try to get as much mileage from you as possible ONLY if you let them!! Stand your ground now and FH will respect you more for it..but thats JMO...

---

Thanks, I see where you're coming from. I did try to put my foot down, but he did too. He basically told me it's ridiculous and he's going. I can't believe he's going to go knowing how I feel about this. What do you think I should say to him?

---

i agree with this. but as of right now i would say let him go and after he comes back and u both have cooled off, sit down and talk. and let him know that u dont mind him going wth his friends but u would like it too if u guys went away for a weekend or something. and that he is NOT your puppet that he should get that out of his head. good luck and let us know what happens. hang in there!

---

Posted by GinaRandy2010

I think if he made plans for the both of you every now and then this trip wouldn't be a big deal. Honestly though I would be upset too if we never went anywhere together and he was taking a trip up to Vermont without me.

---

ITA. especially since you guys dont see eachother so often.

Be strong.

Stand your ground.

FH is marrying you for a reason, but you are the one that needs to lay down the law.

Since he is completely disregarding your feelings, you tell him 'ok fine - go and do whatever you want..but don't expect me to support you in other endeavors!'.

Plan a weekend with your girlfriends. Basically what I would do is just let him know that even though you ARE ANGRY and UPSET that he disregarded your feelings and position on this, that you PLAN TO LIVE YOUR LIFE just as you would if he wasn't around. He needs to know NOW that YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE and can SURVIVE even if he goes off with his friends and does whatever he wants.

I'd just even disappear on some weekends and tehn when he has the nerve to ask 'hey why did you come home so late or where were you?', you just tell him in a cold voice, 'well I have my own friends too,,I felt like going away for the weekend, why do I need to spend all my time glued to your as&&s?'

And trust me, he will change his tune very quickly!!

So right now, do this
1- let him go to Vermont. Don't say ANY more on this subject. If he asks 'oh sweetie you ok with me going up there?'

you respond 'yes. you do whatever you want. I think we already talked about this. You know my feelings on this subject, and I'm not going to lecture you like some mother...you are a grown man, you already have expressed where your priorities lie. Go off. Have fun.'

Then ignore him. If he calls you from Vermont, let his phone calls GO ALL TO VOICE MAIL. DO NOT PICK UP the phone.

When he comes back from Vermont, and if he asks you 'where did you go ? I called you to see how you were doing??'!!!' Just reply 'I was out. You know. Doing STUFF. just like you!'

Let him get nervous about knowing he left you alone and you could have been out at a bar or doing god konws what with god knows whom!! Men HATE not knowing what their girlfriends/fiancees are up to!!

Hope for all the best hon!!

---

Posted by FutureMrsLMS

Be strong.

Stand your ground.

FH is marrying you for a reason, but you are the one that needs to lay down the law.

Since he is completely disregarding your feelings, you tell him 'ok fine - go and do whatever you want..but don't expect me to support you in other endeavors!'.

Plan a weekend with your girlfriends. Basically what I would do is just let him know that even though you ARE ANGRY and UPSET that he disregarded your feelings and position on this, that you PLAN TO LIVE YOUR LIFE just as you would if he wasn't around. He needs to know NOW that YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE and can SURVIVE even if he goes off with his friends and does whatever he wants.

I'd just even disappear on some weekends and tehn when he has the nerve to ask 'hey why did you come home so late or where were you?', you just tell him in a cold voice, 'well I have my own friends too,,I felt like going away for the weekend, why do I need to spend all my time glued to your as&&s?'

And trust me, he will change his tune very quickly!!

So right now, do this
1- let him go to Vermont. Don't say ANY more on this subject. If he asks 'oh sweetie you ok with me going up there?'

you respond 'yes. you do whatever you want. I think we already talked about this. You know my feelings on this subject, and I'm not going to lecture you like some mother...you are a grown man, you already have expressed where your priorities lie. Go off. Have fun.'

Then ignore him. If he calls you from Vermont, let his phone calls GO ALL TO VOICE MAIL. DO NOT PICK UP the phone.

When he comes back from Vermont, and if he asks you 'where did you go ? I called you to see how you were doing??'!!!' Just reply 'I was out. You know. Doing STUFF. just like you!'

Let him get nervous about knowing he left you alone and you could have been out at a bar or doing god konws what with god knows whom!! Men HATE not knowing what their girlfriends/fiancees are up to!!

Hope for all the best hon!!

---

I'm sorry, but I don't think this is good advice. This is playing games, and a marriage should not involve games. Both people need to be real and upfront and communicate. She's not his mommy and does't have to lay down the law.

I understand why you're mad/hurt. You only see each other ONE NIGHT a week and he never plans trips for you two. That is the issue- not Vermont. After he gets back, you two need to really sit down and talk about those issues. Communicate that you want to go away together. Maybe you should plan a night for you two to get away. Be honest and upfront. He deserves a getaway with his friends, but he need to also understand that you are hurt that he doesnt do that with you, especially when you never see each other.

Also, I think in the future, you and FH should try to not involve othr people in your fights, like his mother and family. You need to be a team and talk it out together without name calling. Good luck

---

Posted by jackieee

---

Posted by FutureMrsLMS

Be strong.

Stand your ground.

FH is marrying you for a reason, but you are the one that needs to lay down the law.

Since he is completely disregarding your feelings, you tell him 'ok fine - go and do whatever you want..but don't expect me to support you in other endeavors!'.

Plan a weekend with your girlfriends. Basically what I would do is just let him know that even though you ARE ANGRY and UPSET that he disregarded your feelings and position on this, that you PLAN TO LIVE YOUR LIFE just as you would if he wasn't around. He needs to know NOW that YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE and can SURVIVE even if he goes off with his friends and does whatever he wants.

I'd just even disappear on some weekends and tehn when he has the nerve to ask 'hey why did you come home so late or where were you?', you just tell him in a cold voice, 'well I have my own friends too,,I felt like going away for the weekend, why do I need to spend all my time glued to your as&&s?'

And trust me, he will change his tune very quickly!!

So right now, do this
1- let him go to Vermont. Don't say ANY more on this subject. If he asks 'oh sweetie you ok with me going up there?'

you respond 'yes. you do whatever you want. I think we already talked about this. You know my feelings on this subject, and I'm not going to lecture you like some mother...you are a grown man, you already have expressed where your priorities lie. Go off. Have fun.'

Then ignore him. If he calls you from Vermont, let his phone calls GO ALL TO VOICE MAIL. DO NOT PICK UP the phone.

When he comes back from Vermont, and if he asks you 'where did you go ? I called you to see how you were doing??'!!!' Just reply 'I was out. You know. Doing STUFF. just like you!'

Let him get nervous about knowing he left you alone and you could have been out at a bar or doing god konws what with god knows whom!! Men HATE not knowing what their girlfriends/fiancees are up to!!

Hope for all the best hon!!

---

I'm sorry, but I don't think this is good advice. This is playing games, and a marriage should not involve games. Both people need to be real and upfront and communicate. She's not his mommy and does't have to lay down the law.

I understand why you're mad/hurt. You only see each other ONE NIGHT a week and he never plans trips for you two. That is the issue- not Vermont. After he gets back, you two need to really sit down and talk about those issues. Communicate that you want to go away together. Maybe you should plan a night for you two to get away. Be honest and upfront. He deserves a getaway with his friends, but he need to also understand that you are hurt that he doesnt do that with you, especially when you never see each other.

Also, I think in the future, you and FH should try to not involve othr people in your fights, like his mother and family. You need to be a team and talk it out together without name calling. Good luck

---

i agree. don't play games. it'll just make things worse. when he gets back, sit down with him and let him know in a completely calm, rational way what you think the problem is and how you think you two can address it.

that isnt playing games. Try that option only after you sat down with FH and communicated your frustrations about this...communication is KEY..

however if FH is like MOST guys, they just have everything go in 1 ear and out the other (not take you seriously). If FH still doesnt REACT to what you tell him about how you feel, then drastic measures are needed. And men don't react to words - they react to ACTIONS.

---

Posted by FutureMrsLMS

that isnt playing games. Try that option only after you sat down with FH and communicated your frustrations about this...communication is KEY..

however if FH is like MOST guys, they just have everything go in 1 ear and out the other (not take you seriously). If FH still doesnt REACT to what you tell him about how you feel, then drastic measures are needed. And men don't react to words - they react to ACTIONS.

---

Ignoring him, making him worry about where/who she is, is playing games. He didn't just disappear and not call her; he told her he was going away with his friends, which is not a bad thing to do at all! The issue is that she feels he never takes the time to go away with her. Therefore, that is what needs to be fixed. I say she plans a trip for the two of them.

Edit: I also don't think most guys do that. I don't think guys react to games in a good way.

---

Posted by jackieee

---

Posted by FutureMrsLMS

that isnt playing games. Try that option only after you sat down with FH and communicated your frustrations about this...communication is KEY..

however if FH is like MOST guys, they just have everything go in 1 ear and out the other (not take you seriously). If FH still doesnt REACT to what you tell him about how you feel, then drastic measures are needed. And men don't react to words - they react to ACTIONS.

---

Ignoring him, making him worry about where/who she is, is playing games. He didn't just disappear and not call her; he told her he was going away with his friends, which is not a bad thing to do at all! The issue is that she feels he never takes the time to go away with her. Therefore, that is what needs to be fixed. I say she plans a trip for the two of them.

Edit: I also don't think most guys do that. I don't think guys react to games in a good way.

---

agreed!