Advice- FH is upset with me

Last night FH called me and was like 'I have something to ask you.' He proceeds to ask me if I would mind him driving up to Vermont on his days off (Wed. & Thurs.) next week to go to hang out with a friend who has a home up there. I guess they go snowmobiling and whatever else they do. Well I said I didn't like the idea and let me explain why.
1. I see FH one day a week. This means I wouldn't see him for a 2 week period.
2. For some reason I really don't like the idea of FH driving up to Vermon on his own in his crappy old car which he won't take anywhere and he makes me take my car all the time.
3. When was the last time FH planned for us to just go away like that for 2 days when I'm home on vacation? Ummmmm, never!!
4. He went to visit his mom in Florida last year for a week without me.

He's really mad at me and called me selfish. I basically asked him why he was marrying me if I'm such a horrible person. And the truth is, he'll probably go anyway, even if I'm not in approval of it.

I guess my question is, am I being selfish? Do you girls think he should go to Vermont? I've just never liked the idea of him going away without me. We never go anywhere and trust me I've needed a break for a long time

Thanks girls!

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Posted by rae234

I would be upset too. Especially because he never drives anywhere here with his car but is willing to take a trip to Vermont with it. I understand being upset with him because you two never go anywhere, but from experience they need their 'guy time'. You two will have the rest of your lives to go places. So the two days that he is gone do something that you wouldn't do if he was around...spoil yourself, go to the spa, shopping or go out drinking etc. If you think he will do it anyway...you might as well make the best of it. Hope that helps!

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I agree!

hmm ok..i would be upset for the exact reasons you stated. ESPECIALLY since he doesnt plan anything for the two of you.
its easier for me to say as an outsider though to just let him go and **** it up cuz as someone else posted..you'll be married soon and seeing him all the time.
i would make it known that you would appreciate him taking the time though to plan something for the two of you as well.
i'd let him go but just make him aware that you would appreciate him making that extra effort with you as well and not just with his friends

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Posted by rae234

I would be upset too. Especially because he never drives anywhere here with his car but is willing to take a trip to Vermont with it. I understand being upset with him because you two never go anywhere, but from experience they need their 'guy time'. You two will have the rest of your lives to go places. So the two days that he is gone do something that you wouldn't do if he was around...spoil yourself, go to the spa, shopping or go out drinking etc. If you think he will do it anyway...you might as well make the best of it. Hope that helps!

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well said!

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Posted by FutureCap

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Posted by rae234

I would be upset too. Especially because he never drives anywhere here with his car but is willing to take a trip to Vermont with it. I understand being upset with him because you two never go anywhere, but from experience they need their 'guy time'. You two will have the rest of your lives to go places. So the two days that he is gone do something that you wouldn't do if he was around...spoil yourself, go to the spa, shopping or go out drinking etc. If you think he will do it anyway...you might as well make the best of it. Hope that helps!

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well said!

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Ha, wish I could, but I work on Wed. and Thurs. I only see FH on Wednesday nights.

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Posted by 20mrsc10

honestly, i know its hard without seeing him too much, but i think alone time in a relationship is good too-fh and i both go away without each other on a regular basis-2-3 times a year..however, we go away together 2-3 times a year too..

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Yeah, I'm thinking some of you girls nailed it. If we would go away more together, nothing big, even overnight trips, I guess it wouldn't bother me as much.

i would def be upset too...

maybe let him go...but make him promise to plan a small getaway for the two of you real soon!

p.s. why didn't he just ask you to go with him to vermont?

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Posted by LoveyDovey

i would def be upset too...

maybe let him go...but make him promise to plan a small getaway for the two of you real soon!

p.s. why didn't he just ask you to go with him to vermont?

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Yeah, I was thinking that too. He didn't ask me because we have different days off. I have off on weekends and he has off during the week.

I don't think ure being selfish but I would honestly let him go. Its not like he's twelve and needs permission.. He's gonna go anyways, I'm sure.
But definily let him know that u would b accepting of this trip if he took u places every so often... Jmo...

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Posted by rae234

I would be upset too. Especially because he never drives anywhere here with his car but is willing to take a trip to Vermont with it. I understand being upset with him because you two never go anywhere, but from experience they need their 'guy time'. You two will have the rest of your lives to go places. So the two days that he is gone do something that you wouldn't do if he was around...spoil yourself, go to the spa, shopping or go out drinking etc. If you think he will do it anyway...you might as well make the best of it. Hope that helps!

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I agree...would definitely be upset, but I would plan a trip with friends, without him. Not out of spite, but to appreciate alone time with some friends. It would still bother me, but I at least would have a distraction and possibly show him the other side of the coin. How would he feel if you went away with him? I would also make it clear that it does not sit well with you since you don't go away together and if you did, you probably wouldn't mind his alone time every now and again.

Just got into another fight with FH about this. He says everyone he talks to says I'm unreasonable and don't support anything he does. He says that he won't be my 'puppet'. Oh I'd love to know where he heard that one. Oh, and who did he call, his mommy! I said have your mom call me and I'll tell her my side of it. Is he freaking kidding me. At this point I want to tell him if he goes away don't bother calling me when he gets home.

i dont have any good advice but

Thank you! I am so upset right now. I can't even believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. That he's my puppet and I support nothing? Where the heck is that coming from? I swear I am so tempted to call him mom and say, now would you like to hear my side?

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Posted by LoveyDovey

i would def be upset too...

maybe let him go...but make him promise to plan a small getaway for the two of you real soon!

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This is probably what I would do. Though I think I'd just be more disappointed than angry.

I would be very angry and upset also. I also would take this as an opportunity to put my foot down. Once a man gets his way with you, its over. Tell him no and that you have compromised enough in the past. Men will try to get as much mileage from you as possible ONLY if you let them!! Stand your ground now and FH will respect you more for it..but thats JMO...