Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

ss2002 Posted: Jun 21, 2002 09:31 AM

Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

Hi everyone, I just know that I can find some good advice here. My friends and I are in total disagreement, and are looking for opinions. Sorry this is so lengthy-I just wanted to get all of the details out there for you.

A bunch of us are attending a wedding reception out on the East End this weekend. The groom is a friend of our boyfriends/fiances/husbands. The couple are getting married tonight and having a small family dinner (none of us are invited to that). Then we are meeting up tomorrow afternoon at the family's home out in Quogue.

The invitations say casual attire. We understand that it'll be a big BBQ...very low key...sounds like fun to me!

The disagreement is over gifts. The bride and groom to be have been living together for years. They did not register, and I do not know them well, so FH and I assumed we'd give a money gift. When discussing what to give, some friends are saying that since this is such a casual affair, they will give less money than if the reception was at a traditional hall (they feel they don't need to cover the cost of an expensive dinner).

I disagree. I think that I'd give the same gift whether couple had a reception at a hall, in a backyard or on the moon.

Opinions, anyone? What would you do?? One couple mentioned giving $ 50! If that was all that they could afford to give, that would be fine...but that's not the case.

I realize that weddings are not all about gifts, etc. etc. I just want to do the 'right' thing. I've never been to a casual reception like this, and would appreciate any advice.

Thanks! Happy Friday!!

Valenia Posted: Jun 21, 2002 09:45 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I agree with you. I think you should give exactly what you would have given had it been a more formal affair. The gift is an expression of support for their relationship, and wanting to help them get started in their married lives -- not pay back for dinner. (Otherwise we might as well let our guests pay for their own dinners LOL)

JennK Posted: Jun 21, 2002 09:48 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I Agree! The gift should not reflect whether the reception is a bbq or not. To give only enough money to cover that alone is in poor taste. I think you are doing the right thing. People that are only giving a small amount of money are looking for the cheap way out.

dcbride Posted: Jun 21, 2002 09:57 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I think you should give whatever you would normally give....I have been to weddings where the b&g must have spent $200 dollars a plate and people couldn't afford to give a $400 gift. I don't think plate cost should be a factor.

aug9bride Posted: Jun 21, 2002 10:04 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I agree with the other girls. You should give whatever you would give at a wedding at a reception hall. Like you said, if $50 is all you can afford then that is what you should give but otherwise I think they deserve whatever you would give at a reception hall wedding.

michele31 Posted: Jun 21, 2002 10:45 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

If plate cost was a factor we would all have our reception costs covered from the gifts we receive but that is just not the case. I think you should give the same gift, no matter what. I don't say oh, that is a wedding at Watermill and the per plate charge is XX so I will give that. I just give what I can. You are totally correct!

Elizabeth Posted: Jun 21, 2002 10:45 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I agree with everyone else. Absolutely give the same amount as you would for a more formal wedding reception.

ChristineC68 Posted: Jun 21, 2002 11:01 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

Ditto - give what you can/want. The venue shouldn't matter.

berlykim22 Posted: Jun 21, 2002 11:32 AM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I totally think you should give what you would give at any wedding. The groom and bride decide what they can spend or what type of wedding they are having, just because it is casual and not as expensive doesnt mean you should skimp on gift. Hey they are the smart ones here.
Give what you can afford, I can see since you dont know them that well you may not give them what you would give someone you are close to.

but my bottom line is the reception choose should not determine the gift. I also think if someone gets married at a really expensive renue and you cant afford to cover what each place cost you dont need to they decided to have it at the place, give what you can afford and enjoy sounds like it will be a nice change.

bye

mickeya1a Posted: Jun 21, 2002 12:02 PM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I agree on giving what you would normally give, however I will say that I have been to alot of weddings, and a few times have given more to on ethan the other. For example, we gave more to friends of ours that paid part of the hotel rooms because it was very expensive and they provided shuttles and invited us to a dinner the night before because we had to stay 2 nights because of distance......we thought they thought of every detail for us.......

and I always give more or a really good gift if I am in soneones wedding party.

Karen62794 Posted: Jun 21, 2002 01:15 PM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I think you should give the same gift you would give if you were going to a hall. I would do the same.

Karen

jgandg Posted: Jun 21, 2002 01:55 PM

Re: Advice for a reception I'm attending this weekend (LONG)

I agree totally with everyone here. A gift is a gift, not a response to extortion! We're giving at a wedding, not paying to attend. I would be as generous as at any wedding.