Advice needed

I dont think any of us can answer this question for you. Its about what you and your FH want and only you two will know that.

On one hand its beautiful, but on the other hand your parents will look down upon it. I'll have to say that I've always wanted to get married in a church and FH is Catholic and always dreamed of getting married at his church. My parents are Christian and voiced their opinion about us not getting married in Christian church. I explained to them that this is our decision and my parents respected this. They are still happy for us and still love us and will not be looking down on us because of our decision. Do what is right for you and your FH....forget about how its going to make your mom or grandfather feel..... its not about them... its about you 2!!!

Good Luck!!

Just my 2 cents... If you both are catholic, and made all of your sacraments, I would say do it in a church. I just feel it's more sentimental/traditional. Keep in mind to factor in a 'donation' and possibly a music fee at the church too, so if cost is an issue, that's also something to think about.
We are not the most religious people, but it was important to ME to get married in the church, and have a mass. IT was also so beautiful. But ultimately, do what you want - dont let your family influence what you guys really are set on - its your wedding day.

having the ceremony in a church would also add in transportation cost - do you want to pay for buses/limos to and from the church to CLM?

I would honestly do what you think it best for you and FH. Yes, parents opinion is important but so is yours.

Again, as the others said, this is a decision you and FH must make.

However, I'm not sure if you know this, but if you don't get married in the church, you're marriage won't be recognized by the church. It's up to you if that makes a difference. FH and I aren't really active parishioners either, but it made a difference to me.

how would having it in a church save cash? there is usually a fee just like a ceremony fee at the RH. I also agree that you will save money with the one location; I definitely did.

I can relate to you completely and went through the same angst. We are both Catholic who do not actively practice. I REALLY wanted an outside ceremony and was not all that happy with the Catholic Church for not recognizing one. In the end, I stood my ground and we got married at the RH. I have no regrets because I haven't been to church in YEARS like I was when I was young and I would have felt like a hypocrite if I had a church wedding.

try not to let your family dictate what you should do. On the other hand, how close is your FH with his grandfather? If my grandparents (all of whom I was very close with) were still around when I got married I might have just ****** it up if it was really important to them. I'm glad in the end I didn't, and I like to think they wouldn't care as long as I was happy.

Would it be possible to compromise and have a Catholic priest perform the ceremony at the reception site?

I thought that Catholic priests wouldn't do this, but I actually found a couple who do since we may be in somewhat of a similiar predicament.

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Posted by JAAMS

Would it be possible to compromise and have a Catholic priest perform the ceremony at the reception site?

I thought that Catholic priests wouldn't do this, but I actually found a couple who do since we may be in somewhat of a similiar predicament.

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I did this, and as I'm sure others will chime in, my marriage is not recognized in the Roman Catholic church. I didn't care about this and having a priest made my parents happy.

I understand that the church requires a donation of your choice and a fee for music. The ceremony site requires a $500 ceremony fee, the officiant can range between $300-$500 and music can be quite expensive too.

I have looked into having a non practicing Catholic priest (one who left the church to marry). The ceremony is conducted like a Catholic one but it is not recognized in the church. As you can imagine, with very religious parents this does not fly lol.

I have a question... if your marriage is not recognized in the Catholic Church, what exactly does that MEAN? I get what it literally means, but does it permit you from doing anything?

You can still have your kids baptized and such right?

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Posted by bride2b57

I understand that the church requires a donation of your choice and a fee for music. The ceremony site requires a $500 ceremony fee, the officiant can range between $300-$500 and music can be quite expensive too.

I have looked into having a non practicing Catholic priest (one who left the church to marry). The ceremony is conducted like a Catholic one but it is not recognized in the church. As you can imagine, with very religious parents this does not fly lol.

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I agree on getting married at a church will save you cash. My church donation is only $400. To get married at my RH it would cost me $600 not even including how much it would cost for the officiant. But, then that would mean you might have to pay a bit more for limos- which I dont think should be too much. But just a thought.

Honestly, I would just do it in the church.

There's many other parts of your wedding that will have your personal touches on them. If this is the only part that will really mean something to the people you love and who raised you...I think honestly it's the least you could do.

I'm not religious at all, and I'm not getting married in the Catholic Church. I made it very clear from day one that I'm not. FH is very religious, and we're getting married in the Greek Orthodox Church. My mother is not religious either, so she is fine with this. My father is very religious and Catholic, and he didn't care which church I got married in as long as it was in a church. So even if FH wasn't religious, and we had the option to get married at the RH, I still would have done that just because I know it would mean something to my father.

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Posted by JAAMS

I have a question... if your marriage is not recognized in the Catholic Church, what exactly does that MEAN? I get what it literally means, but does it permit you from doing anything?

You can still have your kids baptized and such right?

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Your children can still make their sacrements. Its just a matter of whether or not it is important to you that your marriage is honored in the eyes of the pope and the Catholic diocese. Its like a Catholic blessing over your marriage.

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Posted by coldasice217

Honestly, I would just do it in the church.

There's many other parts of your wedding that will have your personal touches on them. If this is the only part that will really mean something to the people you love and who raised you...I think honestly it's the least you could do.

I'm not religious at all, and I'm not getting married in the Catholic Church. I made it very clear from day one that I'm not. FH is very religious, and we're getting married in the Greek Orthodox Church. My mother is not religious either, so she is fine with this. My father is very religious and Catholic, and he didn't care which church I got married in as long as it was in a church. So even if FH wasn't religious, and we had the option to get married at the RH, I still would have done that just because I know it would mean something to my father.

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Hmm this is a very good point. I think this is why I feel the constant pull to marry in the church. I feel like its the least I can do...I mean really.

We are sort of in this position. Neither FH nor I are particularly religious, but it meant a lot to my grandmother and his parents to get married in a church, so we are. Honestly, it is a small concession we are making for how much they've done for us over the years!

Ultimately, though, I think this is a personal decision you guys have to make.

HTH!

FH and I were in the same situation. In the end we decided to do what makes sense and makes us happy. You cannot please everyone...its your wedding day, so think about you and your FH. Let me ask this...do either of you have a personal relationship to a priest? Sometimes, they will agree to marry you off-site. That can make a difference to many people. My friend in NJ had her priest marry her off-site and he did. I don't know if every church allows it though I really do not see anything wrong with it. If they did allow it, more people would 'donate' to have their priest marry them.