Both parents would make it difficult... im very fortunate that my parents dont care what I do as long as im happy.
nguijarro
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed
I'm in a similar situation - my family is Catholic (pretty religious) and my FH's mother is a minister for the United Church of Christ. Neither of us are religious - i want my ceremony on the beach and he wants his mother to do it.
My mother is making my life miserable about the situation - giving me updates on what the priest told her, telling me that I'm causing her to have high blood pressure that could cause other serious health problems, etc. It's terrible - I'm almost at the point where I want to elope - seriously (FH doesn't want this, but will do it to help me with my stress)
My mother is paying for the RH, so feels entitled to have everything her way with my wedding. she wants to pay for RH as my present, but...
Sorry for my rant on your posting, good luck with your situation - I agree that standing your ground or finding a compromise you can live with are the best ways to go. Just make sure that if you compromise you'll get something good out of it in return...
poisonivy918
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed
I'm not even officially engaged yet and have already had at least 20 arguments with my mom about a future wedding. she is the most negative mother out there I swear lol.
luckily my mom isn't religious so I don't have to worry about that. though I get to hear that from my grandma.
lets see my mom argued with me how it's stupid to look at halls when we aren't officially engaged. the thing is we picked our date and know we want to get married. he just has to buy a ring. he's saving but it will take at least a few more weeks (or maybe earlier but it's not like he's going to tell me the exact day). I mean he'd have to be a pretty big a$$ to just be lying lol. I think it's the same odds if we were really engaged with a ring if him/me suddenly changed our minds about it. but I can't see that happening. so yes I'm stupid and ridiculous according to her over that. my mom lives in Louisiana and down there you can plan a wedding in like 3 months. compared to Ny where so many places were already booked on dates I wanted! she just thinks I'm nuts to do anything 2 years ahead. though I explained that gives them more time to pay for things.
I don't know if it's jealously but my mom is insanely negative about everything. to yelling at me for looking at halls without asking her. she/my dad will be paying for it but I figured keeping it to like $89 pp would be fine. I mean all the places I picked are within the same price range. give or take $2-$5 here and there.
then she tells me how I am on a budget and not to pick expensive things. after I already repeated like 30,000,000 times that I wasn't. you'd think I made an appt to look at Oheka.
when I send her pictures all she does is trash everything to 'that looks like a basement' 'what cheap looking chairs' 'I don't like that ceiling' 'look at that stupid rug' literally anything she can find in the picture to rag on she does.
my cousin was engaged last yr to her first bf ever (she's very religious) and called it off so my mom constantly compares me to her. saying how people who talk about getting engaged never really do. also let me add I was engaged back in 2007 so my mom constantly throws in how I wasted money and called it off. I should also add he was the biggest a$$hole ever though. I won't even go into that.
I now don't even want to mention the word wedding to my mom anymore. let alone tell her anything. plus she doesn't even want to hear it. all she does is tell me to shut up and how weird I am because we aren't technically engaged. though my bf's mom has been telling everyone how we are getting married and pretty much considers us engaged minus the ring.
she even gave me little fancy notepads and pens to take with me to take notes at reception halls lol. and also asked to see things from the halls we've gone to. I keep joking that she's going to become my new mom with how my mom is acting.
it's been so bad I needed to take a break from even thinking about weddings. I have never been more stressed out in my life. of course it's taken a nice toll on me and my bf too since I've been so stressed out and crying most of the time. I think her master plan is to make him run for the hills or something lol.
anyway so yeah I just don't speak to her about wedding stuff anymore. it was more exciting before I had to start hearing her comments. I can't even think about our future arguments and I am sure there will be. though I'm hoping once we're officially engaged maybe she'll be a bit excited? or at least stop being negative for a day. so yeah sorry I now vented on your post lol. just ugh. I never thought my mom would be like this. sometimes I cant even believe I am talking to my mom.
poisonivy918
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed
Posted by nguijarro
I'm in a similar situation - my family is Catholic (pretty religious) and my FH's mother is a minister for the United Church of Christ. Neither of us are religious - i want my ceremony on the beach and he wants his mother to do it.
My mother is making my life miserable about the situation - giving me updates on what the priest told her, telling me that I'm causing her to have high blood pressure that could cause other serious health problems, etc. It's terrible - I'm almost at the point where I want to elope - seriously (FH doesn't want this, but will do it to help me with my stress)
My mother is paying for the RH, so feels entitled to have everything her way with my wedding. she wants to pay for RH as my present, but...
Sorry for my rant on your posting, good luck with your situation - I agree that standing your ground or finding a compromise you can live with are the best ways to go. Just make sure that if you compromise you'll get something good out of it in return...
why is it if parents are paying they suddenly just think they are totally in charge. it's so not fair. it's like once they see they are paying they act like they own you lol. my mom thinks because she's paying that I have to abide by all her rules now. #1 being well she doesn't like my job so I need a different one. she doesn't like me freelancing and rather me have a legit 9-5 job. like WTH? I don't even live with my mom! lol.
FutureMrsGTL
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed
Posted by poisonivy918
Posted by nguijarro
I'm in a similar situation - my family is Catholic (pretty religious) and my FH's mother is a minister for the United Church of Christ. Neither of us are religious - i want my ceremony on the beach and he wants his mother to do it.
My mother is making my life miserable about the situation - giving me updates on what the priest told her, telling me that I'm causing her to have high blood pressure that could cause other serious health problems, etc. It's terrible - I'm almost at the point where I want to elope - seriously (FH doesn't want this, but will do it to help me with my stress)
My mother is paying for the RH, so feels entitled to have everything her way with my wedding. she wants to pay for RH as my present, but...
Sorry for my rant on your posting, good luck with your situation - I agree that standing your ground or finding a compromise you can live with are the best ways to go. Just make sure that if you compromise you'll get something good out of it in return...
why is it if parents are paying they suddenly just think they are totally in charge. it's so not fair. it's like once they see they are paying they act like they own you lol. my mom thinks because she's paying that I have to abide by all her rules now. #1 being well she doesn't like my job so I need a different one. she doesn't like me freelancing and rather me have a legit 9-5 job. like WTH? I don't even live with my mom! lol.
I hhaaatteeeee that! I told my parents if you want to give me money I will GLADLY take it, however if it comes with stipulations keep it!
