advice needed - follow up question too...

I have had my bridal party picked for some time now but I never choose/asked a MOH. Everyone expected me to ask my sister but we are not very close & she has been.... difficult in the past & present.

I had decided I was going to ask one of my best friends. She was the clear front runner from the get go and this weekend, I am going to see her at my NY shower. (I live in Boston - my fam & friends are mostly in NY).

I just got off the phone with her & it looks like she & her husband are splitting. She is devastated. They have been married 6 years & have 3 small children. I am obviously so upset for her.

Now for the advice part - I was going to ask her to be my MOH this weekend but now I fear that in light of her failing marriage, that it might not be appropriate. I am worried it will upset her more. I also don't want to throw more responsibility on her at this time. But I don't want her to be hurt if I DON'T choose her b/c I think she was expecting it. (I was her MOH & godmother to her 1st born).

The issue here isn't a crisis for ME, but I want to do what's best for her. What would you do? I'm perfectly fine not having a MOH at all. Would you do that? Or ask her? Or ask my sister?

HELP!!!

ETA: I was also going to drive down to LI this weekend & stay with her & her family but now I don't want to intrude. Should I stay somewhere else? I don't want to ask her where I shoudl stay b/c I don't want it to seem like I am thinking only of myself but I don't want to be uncomfortable either (I am 9 months pregnant and need my rest)

HELP again.. thanks ladies...

This is a tough situation. But you said that she expects you to ask her. Maybe you can hold off a few days on asking her? She is your best friend for a reason and I am sure that she will be ok being your MOH. Maybe you can try and keep so much of a load off of her. Helping plan your wedding may help her to get her mind off of things. Its a sticky situation. See can be a lil sad about planning your wedding while her marriage is failing or she can be hurt because her bestfriend did not even ask her to be in her wedding. I would still ask her you don't want her to feel left out at a time like this.

I would still ask her. I think it would be a bright spot in this dark time for her. Not that it won't be difficult for her, but If she's going to have trouble with seeing a marriage take place, she will still have those feelings whether she is MOH or bridesmaid or just a guest. Lots of people who get divorced still believe in love and marriage.

I think you should tell her exactly how you feel!!! Ask her but let her know you understand if she can't do it at this time!
XOXOXO
Kitty

She's already in the BP, I just didn't ask anyone in particular to be MOH.

Also - I added to my original post. See above

thank you eveyone.

I think she will feel honored but I would make sure you tell her you realize she is going through a difficult time and if she were to say no, you woul dunderstand.

I would also stay somewhere else because I would feel uncomfortable...jmho

---

Posted by SoulMates422

This is a tough situation. But you said that she expects you to ask her. Maybe you can hold off a few days on asking her?

---

I agree..... definitely wait. You don't want her to mentally link your wedding to her misfortune. Just concentrate on helping her through these tough times.... To lessen the work for her, maybe you can ask someone else to plan the shower or other MOH duties, maybe a relative or another close friend who also knows her situation....

She already planned my shower which is this weekend & it is at her house. I feel so awful for her. I told her to cancel it but she won't.

FH & I talked about me staying elsewhere & he said 'she probably needs you.' So I asked her if she wants privacy & she said no that she was really looking forward to me staying there.

I am def going to hold off on the MOH issue until it is a better time. I just feel so badly for her.

---

Posted by carolinebr

I told her to cancel it but she won't.

So I asked her if she wants privacy & she said no that she was really looking forward to me staying there.

---

I think you got your answer she pretty much told you how she feels.