I am in quite a predicament and would really appreciate any advice you can offer.
I planned to invite my office co-workers to the wedding since we are a small office of 12 employees. After I handed out my Save the Dates, I found out one of the executives I invited previously tried to get me fired.
Some background on this guy: NO ONE in the office likes him. He is a backstabbing, conniving person who smiles in your face and presents himself as caring and kind but is really a jerk and a coward. He was recently demoted and banished to another floor. Apparently, now he is upset about being demoted and gunning for someone. I found out he is complaining about people in the office behind their backs, and I may be one of those people. My other colleagues have even asked me not to sit him next to them in the wedding! Also, he is one of the executives I unfortunately answer to for my HR work and I am not supposed to know he has backtabbed me.
1. Do I just not give him an invitation even though he got a Save the Date? I feel like I’ll look like a rude B**** and then he’ll surely try to make my life miserable. 2. If I invite him, how do I explain sitting him at a different table????? Or tell my co-workers, who I actually want to have there, they have to sit with a person they all despise?
UGH!!!!
I feel totally stuck!!! Does anyone have any ideas?? Please!!! lol
AwaitingAugust
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
do not invite him. He'll deal (from the sound of it, he prob wouldn't have come anyhow though)
mybabylovesmoi
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
oy, that is a tough situation. Etiquette says you have to follow up a save the date with an invite as below. But if I were in the situation, I think I may just not invite him and ask the others to please refrain from talking about the wedding in the office. Has he acknowledged the save the date?
Q. Do we have to send save-the-dates to everyone? Just to the people that you want to come to your wedding. Even if you've already received confirmations from certain guests, you still need to send them a save-the-date (bridesmaids, siblings, and parents). But remember: Only send to those that you definitely want to attend. Once these are in the mail, there's really no turning back.
If someone receives a save-the-date and will be unable to attend, they are likely to offer regrets far in advance. You still need to send a wedding invitation as a common courtesy.
Hazel6880
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
He did thank me when he recieved the Save the Date. It's such a touchy situation since I answer to him in some areas and i don't think i can get around him finding out he was left out b/c it's such a small office.
My friends say my best bet is to invite him and pray he does not attend. I was thinking maybe i could give him the invite and not mention it again for the RSVP so he would forget about it. With my luck he'll probably put in his outlook for a reminder!!! lol
jcreilly
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
MOst likely he will not come, To avoid drama I would still invite him. But, I really would not want to . I had the same issue at work There was a women who made my life miserable here I actually wanted to quit. I never sent STD to my coworkers just in case something happened well 1 month before my invites went out she got mad at my boss and quit- and he called her crazy and it made me feel so much better!!!! Just remember its your wedding, if u are going to be bother at all with him there then I say don't invite him!!!
meg922
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
If he's backstabbing you now, I can only imagine how spiteful he'd be if you invited everyone in your office besides him (especially since you gave him a STD).
I'd invite him and seat him at the table with the other work people, unless he'd know people at another table, too. During the wedding, it's not like your other coworkers will be chained to their seats. They can get up and dance and mingle to minimize the amount of time they have to spend with him.
FutureJOC
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
from the sound of it, if you sent him an invite he may not even come. But to be safe i just wouldn't invite him. The guy sounds like an jack-off to me.
I know you are technically supposed to send an invite to people who have received STDs but in this case I saw screw etiquette and don't send him one.
pipermaru
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
what if you invite him like a week before the rsvp date to make it clear that you're inviting him just to be polite but his presence is not wanted?
springsandra
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Posted by pipermaru
what if you invite him like a week before the rsvp date to make it clear that you're inviting him just to be polite but his presence is not wanted?
He has the STD, he'd probably come if you did this. Guys don't really realize the timeline of invites and stuff.
How much daily interaction do you have with this person now? Could you not invite him and if he confronts you about it just explain that budgetary constraints made it impossible for you to invite as many people as you'd hoped? Is your reception card separate from your ceremony? Could you just invite him to the ceremony and not the reception?
DWKSwed
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Don't invite him, and if he says something pretend you're angry with him that you sent him an invite and he didn't even have the courtesy to respond! ('Must have gotten lost in the mail') and you obviously intended to invite him since he got a STD!
AdriandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Since you did give him a STD I would still invite him unless he does something absolutely horrible to you.
I would also still have him sit with your co-workers. As guests they shouldn't be requesting who they can and can't sit with. You have to worry about that with your family, you shouldn't have to deal with it from them too.
bigsal
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
I would not send him an invite with the time, date, location etc., and pretend that you did. Afterwards you can always say that you sent it out but it must have gotten lost/destroyed in the postal service. Hopefully he will forget about the actual wedding date and you can always say that because he didnt respond you assumed he wasnt coming
BUT if he asks you why he didnt get the invite before the wedding then you have to send him one. Maybe he wont want to go anyway.
HTH
GracieJMay2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Posted by bigsal
I would not send him an invite with the time, date, location etc., and pretend that you did. Afterwards you can always say that you sent it out but it must have gotten lost/destroyed in the postal service. Hopefully he will forget about the actual wedding date and you can always say that because he didnt respond you assumed he wasnt coming
BUT if he asks you why he didnt get the invite before the wedding then you have to send him one. Maybe he wont want to go anyway.
HTH
OOH, thats good.
kellyanna70
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
I absolutely would not invite him. It is your day and not a time to have negative people like him around. As far as proper etiquette, doesn't seem like he has any so don't worry about not sending an invite!
jwleewedding
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
i wouldn't invite him. your wedding is a personal matter, you have the right to pick and choose who you wish to attend. you don't owe him an explanation.
and if he tries to make your life hell about it, take it to HR. it's illegal to do something like that.
lpk586
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Ugh, that's an awful situation! If he was just a guy in your social circle that was a jerk, I'd say to forget the Save the Date etiquette and not invite him. However, since it involves your career, I think you need to take the high road and invite him. Without a date. I initially agreed w/ sending his invitation later than the others, but then you might find yourself needing to approach him personally if he doesn't rsvp in time, which I assume you don't want to do. I'd sit him w/ your coworkers and let it go. He prob won't come anyway! Good luck!
Iluvpoodles
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Don't invite him.
Hazel6880
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Posted by bigsal
I would not send him an invite with the time, date, location etc., and pretend that you did. Afterwards you can always say that you sent it out but it must have gotten lost/destroyed in the postal service. Hopefully he will forget about the actual wedding date and you can always say that because he didnt respond you assumed he wasnt coming
BUT if he asks you why he didnt get the invite before the wedding then you have to send him one. Maybe he wont want to go anyway.
HTH
Ohh that's a good one! I was going to give everyone at my office their invites by hand. I will just ask them for their home addresses and say I want to mail it to them and be more formal about it. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Hazel6880
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Posted by AdriandSteve
Since you did give him a STD I would still invite him unless he does something absolutely horrible to you.
I would also still have him sit with your co-workers. As guests they shouldn't be requesting who they can and can't sit with. You have to worry about that with your family, you shouldn't have to deal with it from them too.
That is exactly what i was thinking!!! They should be there for me, not who they do/don't sit with! I thought it was somewhat rude of them to put that pressure on me. I'm glad you thought the same thing.
mybabylovesmoi
Posted:
Member since
Re: Advice Needed Re Guests
Since you said you answer to him in certain areas, I def would invite him and just hope he doesn't attend.
I'm sure your coworkers can understand that it's tough not to and they will have to deal with him at their table. Dinner is only a small part of the wedding, they can get up and dance and go to the bar. ALOT!
