Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

M&M2011 Posted: Jan 28, 2012 08:09 AM

Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I'd love to get some feedback on this...

I work in a large place and have worked there for many years and in several departments. It's too large a place to invite everyone, so I initially had 6 people on the list (plus their significant others) that I'm SUPER close with and I told them to please not talk about it at work or mention they were invited. Ideally, I would love to invite everyone, but we're at 175 and footing the majority of the bill ourselves.

One of my coworkers (who is not on the list) was asking me about my wedding plans. She very nicely asked if I was inviting people at work and I said no, since we're footing the bill. She was very nice about it and said she completely understood. She mentioned that when she got married she invited everyone in our department (about 15) people without their spouses. She said one coworker said 'my husband said he'll give you a better present if you don't invite him'

She explained her reasoning-- coworkers wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves and be relaxed because they would be too concerned with making their significant others feel comfortable. I agree with her, as having been a guest at several of my FH's coworkers weddings. It makes sense to me...

Thoughts? I don't want anyone to be bent out of shape, but not inviting the significant others of the 6 people I have on the list would at least allow me to invite people in my department, which I'd like to do. I know some people say that it should be all or nothing as far as coworkers are concerned, but I work in a big place (200+) and there are a few people that I'm close with outside of work.

Sorry that was long! Thanks in advance!

KroertGS Posted: Jan 28, 2012 11:25 AM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Just my two cents: if I was invited to a wedding of a coworker but my FH wasn't invited, I would decline the invite.

mara1017 Posted: Jan 28, 2012 12:18 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I would never invite someone to a wedding if they are married without their wife or husband. It is a different story if they are not engaged or married.

I have worked at my job for 9 years. It was hard for me to choose who to invite. I went with the people that I work on a day to day basis with.

teacherteacher Posted: Jan 28, 2012 12:36 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I don't think you need to invite the spouses - just went to a wedding this summer of someone I work with, and the people he knew from work sat at a table with the people my friend's wife knew from work (we're all teachers) and we still had a great time. Even once we're married, if I was invited somewhere without Kevin but I knew people going, I'd go.

JenL Posted: Jan 28, 2012 01:24 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I think you have to invite spouses. Just talk to them and tell them that not bringing them is an option. Lol

MrsHeffToBe Posted: Jan 28, 2012 11:18 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Posted by JenL

I think you have to invite spouses. Just talk to them and tell them that not bringing them is an option. Lol

This! I'm sure their spouses would not want to come but I think you should definitely invite them as a couple.

KDNY133 Posted: Jan 28, 2012 11:47 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I completely get it and i would not be offended at all if my co-worker explained the situation.

Bearsgirl Posted: Jan 29, 2012 11:10 AM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

i am currently not inviting my coworkers spouses/significant others. not one of them has a problem with this, they all said 'great a girls night out & a free babysitter!' haha. i did tell them that if i need to start adding to fill seats if we aren't meeting out minimum, ill start letting them bring their spouses.

FutureMrsMcL Posted: Jan 30, 2012 03:18 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

We decided early on that we would not be inviting any 'and guests' or bfs, gfs, or spouses we didn't know with the rare exception for bosses and the like. I even told my sorority sisters that they were invited as a group. Because I wanted them all there and I thought they would have more fun in a 'reunion' setting, no husbands would be invited. They were fine - even happy to have an excuse NOT to bring them!

There is just no way we could possibly invite sig others that we don't even know and then have to leave off people we know and love because of it. and anyone who says you have to is just plain wrong (or rich and can't possibly understand anyway . )
After all - it's YOUR wedding!

leesah85 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 03:20 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Posted by KroertGS

Just my two cents: if I was invited to a wedding of a coworker but my FH wasn't invited, I would decline the invite.

ITA with this

FutureMrsMcL Posted: Jan 30, 2012 03:20 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Posted by KroertGS

Just my two cents: if I was invited to a wedding of a coworker but my FH wasn't invited, I would decline the invite.

Even if a bunch of your friends were going and it was sure to be a fun time? I think that's sort of silly!

cdh2672 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 03:41 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Posted by mara1017

I would never invite someone to a wedding if they are married without their wife or husband. It is a different story if they are not engaged or married.

I have worked at my job for 9 years. It was hard for me to choose who to invite. I went with the people that I work on a day to day basis with.

Definitely this!

KroertGS Posted: Jan 30, 2012 03:46 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Posted by FutureMrsMcL

Posted by KroertGS

Just my two cents: if I was invited to a wedding of a coworker but my FH wasn't invited, I would decline the invite.

Even if a bunch of your friends were going and it was sure to be a fun time? I think that's sort of silly!

If a bunch of my friends were going, then I would go! Like your plan for your sorority being invited as a group, I think that's totally cool. One of my soroity sisters is getting married soon and invited my FH, but I told him he didn't have to go lol.

BUT, speaking for myself, my coworkers are different....I find it hard to totally unwind in front of them and I don't think they are that great. I don't think it would be a fun time with my coworkers

Ker1398 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 04:05 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Posted by KroertGS

Posted by FutureMrsMcL

Posted by KroertGS

Just my two cents: if I was invited to a wedding of a coworker but my FH wasn't invited, I would decline the invite.

Even if a bunch of your friends were going and it was sure to be a fun time? I think that's sort of silly!

If a bunch of my friends were going, then I would go! Like your plan for your sorority being invited as a group, I think that's totally cool. One of my soroity sisters is getting married soon and invited my FH, but I told him he didn't have to go lol.

BUT, speaking for myself, my coworkers are different....I find it hard to totally unwind in front of them and I don't think they are that great. I don't think it would be a fun time with my coworkers

ITA with everything you have said! for a work friend's wedding, I would decline as well if FH were not invited.

jassy119 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 06:48 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I think you should give them the option of inviting their spouses or not. Not everyone is going to feel that they would have to 'babysit' their spouse.

erica8311 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 09:15 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

i was having the same problem...my boss is the one who suggested just invite them without there other...shes the only one whos married the others have bfs though but since she offered i took her up on it they said they dont mind and all want to sit at one table anyway

pixietina Posted: Jan 30, 2012 09:19 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I am inviting their spouses.

Bride2012 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 10:21 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

I am kind of in the same situation. I use to work at a pharmacy where there was like 20 people I wanted to invite. I barely see them now. Do I still invite them? They came to our engagement party. Now I am a nurse and I feel like I want to invite a few people that I'm close with but that everyone on my unit will find out and be hurt that I didn't invite them. I think I'm going with not inviting anyone!

In my opinion I think you should invite who you are close with. I wouldn't be offended if I got invited to a wedding without my fiance knowing that there would be a bunch of people from my job there. As long as everyone gets a long! But its a wedding put them all at the same table. Its actually nice for people from work to get out of the stressful environment of work and socialize. Good luck! I hope that helped! People will and should understand that weddings are expensive.

kathleen1080 Posted: Jan 30, 2012 10:27 PM

Re: Advice on inviting coworker's spouses

Initially I think I would be offput by not having my spouse invited, but if the bride stated that they were trying to keep the guest list down and I knew other coworkers were there without their spouse, I would understand and be flattered to be included. I don't know how my spouse would feel but too bad for him!