My sister just told me she bought us a wedding gift. Yes, almost a year late. It is a menorah, I believe a pretty nice one. My husband is Catholic and I am Jewish. She said she didn't mean anything by it and if I wanted her to return it she can but I already told her no that it would be nice to have a nice menorah. My husband is so upset and insulted. He doesn't think it is an appropriate wedding gift. What should I do?
ChrissynRicky
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Honestly, I would keep it. There's no reason to deny your own religion. If your husband is insulted by it's mere presence, that's another issue all together...
amyandbill
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He's insulted that it was a wedding gift. We always put up a menorah around the holidays along with our Christmas tree.
bellaro782
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Posted by ChrissynRicky
Honestly, I would keep it. There's no reason to deny your own religion. If your husband is insulted by it's mere presence, that's another issue all together...
I think her husband is just insulted because a wedding gift should be for the couple and that really isnt something they could both use.. I dont think it has anything to do with Religion LOL he wouldnt have married you if that was the issue... I would keep it, & leave it alone But I think his point is Its just Not something you would get as a wedding gift ..
seta
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I agree with your husband. My father was catholic and my mother is jewish. Growing up we had a monorah and christmas tree..however those were things that they purchased on their own.
I don't think it is appropriate for either sides of the family to purchase a religious item for your both, because it is not really thoughtful.
I am sure your sister did not do it intentionally to be insensitive. Perhaps you can explain it to her more.
A wedding gift should be something for the two of you. Not something that only one can appreciate.
Good luck!
SeptBride70
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I can understand why he feels that way. If it was a gift for you (say for your birthday) it would be different... but since it is a gift that is meant for both of you, it should represent who you two are equally. So I can understand him feeling a little uncomfortable by that.
If you need a menorah and will get use out of it, then keep it... but I would be honest with your DH and tell him that he does have a right to feel a little or about it and that you totally understand. Some people have those type of family members-- that give the gifts that either make us laugh, cry, get mad, or think 'what the heck?!'... so there's no point in going out of your way to return it... it is what it is and your sister, whether she meant something by it or not, gave you a gift she thought was good.
I'm sorry that this happened to you, it's definitely awkward but I'm sure after some time you will be able to put it out of your mind and move on.
cherryj24
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I understand. Wedding gifts are for the two of you and that is not something he can well...appreciate that much. I could see him being upset but with no reason to be upset with YOU. You didn't do anything and I would expect that it should just blowover. If not there might be a bigger problem underneath.
angnick
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Posted by bellaro782
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Honestly, I would keep it. There's no reason to deny your own religion. If your husband is insulted by it's mere presence, that's another issue all together...
I think her husband is just insulted because a wedding gift should be for the couple and that really isnt something they could both use.. I dont think it has anything to do with Religion LOL he wouldnt have married you if that was the issue... I would keep it, & leave it alone But I think his point is Its just Not something you would get as a wedding gift ..
i completely agree with you!
LaurenluvsTJ
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I can understand your husband being upset, but it kind of depends on the situation. Has your sister ever expressed anything negative about your interfaith marriage? If it is like something she did out of spite - I would be really upset by it, but if it was an oversight - like she just wasn't thinking, I would just let it go. I ask this because I once had an ex who was Catholic and I knew that his parents did not like it at all that I was Jewish (part of the reason we broke up) and they would have done something like given us a Catholic thing to throw it in my face.
mrsgtobe
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I'm in an interfaith marriage as well - I'm Catholic, DH is Jewish. I agree with what's been posted here so far. I'm sure your sister meant well with her gift, but I can certainly understand your husband's feelings. Wedding gifts should be for the couple, and your husband probably feels a bit 'left out' of this gift. Whether or not you keep the menorah is your call, but you should definitely validate your husband's feelings.
ChrissynRicky
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Posted by bellaro782
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Honestly, I would keep it. There's no reason to deny your own religion. If your husband is insulted by it's mere presence, that's another issue all together...
I think her husband is just insulted because a wedding gift should be for the couple and that really isnt something they could both use.. I dont think it has anything to do with Religion LOL he wouldnt have married you if that was the issue... I would keep it, & leave it alone But I think his point is Its just Not something you would get as a wedding gift ..
Oooooh...now I understand. Thanks so much for clarifying!
That being said, I agree.
amyandbill
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Thank you so much for all your thoughts. When my sister told me, I didn't think anything of it. BUT now I totally understand how he feels and I feel terrible. He feels that it was a slap in the face because we have had religious issues, my family being upset that he is Catholic and that we will be raising our children Catholic. He doesn't want me to tell her to return it because it will make him look bad because I already said it was fine. Ahhhhhh
