Advice Please - Bridesmaid Issue

My FH doesn't want one of the bridesmaids in the wedding (and I kind of agree with him)...What do I do?

Here's the situation:

I have been friends w. this girl for about 1.5-2yrs and I met her through my FH (she dates one of his friends who is also in the wedding). We became good friends and it was that way for about a year but now we are not close anymore.

I will admit that I jumped the gun with asking her to be in the wedding. At the time, it seemed like a GREAT idea but now we're not close and she's causing problems.

My FH came home last night and was extremely upset and told me he does not want her in the wedding and does not want me to associate with her at all. He said she's causing nothing but problems with everyone. His friends no longer like her or her boyfriend (their friend) and I guess it's starting to reflect on me and FH.

My FH friends do not really want to hang around with us anymore because they don't want her or her BF around. And my FH is afraid that people are starting to not like me because I'm associated with her.

We have grown apart and I talk to her (if anything) once a week. I think there's more to the story but my FH won't tell me. I don't think he wants to upset me.

WHAT DO I DO???? Can I ask her to please step down as a bridesmaid?

Please give me any advice (good, bad, ugly).

Thank you.

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Posted by Tina1117


My FH friends do not really want to hang around with us anymore because they don't want her or her BF around. And my FH is afraid that people are starting to not like me because I'm associated with her.

Thank you.

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What is this, 5th grade? Your friends determine the social set independently of your input?

No, you can't fire a BM. Especially when you admittedly don't know the full story.

I'd ask to hear the full story so you can make a more informed decision with your FH.

What is she doing specifically to cause problems?

ETA: Why did you stop being close with her yourself?

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Posted by kellybean

If you truly dont want someone in your Bridal party then dont have them but I thik we are all to old to let our friends dictate who we can and cant be friends with..

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Exactly.

Thank you for your input.

I agree that it's childish. But I'm worried about my FH feelings. It is his wedding too and I don't want him to be uncomfortable on his wedding day.

In regards to the wedding...She is not participating with the bridesmaids in making decisions, she has not ordered her dress yet (although she has until the end of the month) & she makes point to rub it in the other girls face that she's in the wedding and they're not.

I'm not certain what lead to my FH decision last night. He obviously heard something that he does not want me to hear. I asked if she was talking about us and he said yes and left it at that.

I have spoken to her last month about the wedding. I asked her to please stop rubbing it in peoples face that she's in the wedding...I told her it's very childish and immature. I also told her that if she didn't take being in the wedding serious then she did not have to be in it.

I am not a bridezilla by any means. I just don't want to hurt my FH feelings.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by kellybean

If you truly dont want someone in your Bridal party then dont have them but I thik we are all to old to let our friends dictate who we can and cant be friends with..

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Exactly.

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i agree thats why when i chose my bp i went with just my sisters. picking a bp is a hard decision. you should always choose carefully and think to your self wow would this person cause problems or would this person really participate in the whole process. if anything im sure you will work it out. good luck and keep us posted

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Posted by Tina1117

I'm not certain what lead to my FH decision last night. He obviously heard something that he does not want me to hear. I asked if she was talking about us and he said yes and left it at that.

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Ahhh....now that's not just a whole new ballgame, it's a different sport entirely.

If she's keeping track of the over/under on the length of your marriage, she's out.

If she's speculating on fidelity issues, she's out.

If she's complaining about your choice of BM dress/hair/shoes/jewelry, that's ok. She's wearing it, she's allowed to voice an opinion.

Tell FI that you need to know the full story, and promise not to get upset. Then, when he tells you, DON'T GET UPSET. Just deal with it, and move on.

I'm going to look into this a little more before I make any major decisions.

I know that she talks about people and she makes stories up about people...I've been a victim before and I've confronted her and she admitted her faults.

I thought talking to her last month would put an end to her being so immature but I guess I was wrong

I'll get to the bottom of this and put a stop to it. I'm just going to have to put her in her place (again) and tell her if there's anymore problems it's over.

Geez...I feel like I'm breaking up with someone.

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

You def should have kicked her to the curb the first time you ever had a prob with her... What is she really contributing to your life????? She will just cause more probs for you... Why would you want someone in your wedding that you know talks behind your back and his the maturity level of a 2 yr old????

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EXACTLY!!!!!

Hi Tina, I believe if u had 2 put the BM in her past once b4 and she still continues with the BS, why should u continue deal with it and keep putting her in her place? It's not fair 2 u or your FH. Us brides have enough stress planning a wedding and then 2 have 2 deal with unnecessary extra stress on our shoulders is just insane. She doesn't deserve to be a part of your day. Not at all. Remember, this is not just an ordinary event, this is your wedding. You and your FH don't need drama on that day. And try not 2 feed into her BS b/c ppl like that loves 2 ruin ppl's lives real quick. She's miserable and always remember, 'misery loves company'. I know if my FH doesn't want one of my BMs in the wedding b/c of continuous drama, I will drop her like a hot cake.

Think about it sweetie. You want nothing nor no one ruining your special day.

I havent read all the replies so I apologize.....

You certainly CAN fire a BM. Its your day.
There are ways of doing so, but it can be done.
If you feel you have grown apart then chances are she has the same feelings.
Whats the worst that could happen? She get mad at you?
So?????? You guys dont want tobe around her anyways.

Just do whats right for you , not for someone else. Because at the end of the day.... This is the BIGGEST day of your life,and its 'just another' day to her...... one she will forget about in 10 years, but you wont ..and you have pics to remind you.

JMO>

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Posted by SherinJeff

Just do whats right for you , not for someone else. Because at the end of the day.... This is the BIGGEST day of your life,and its 'just another' day to her...... one she will forget about in 10 years, but you wont ..and you have pics to remind you.

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I second that. You are clearly not getting anything positive from her being a BM or from her being in your life at all... do you (and FH) really want to see her in all your pictures for the rest of your life?

Your second post is a good reason-but are FH's friends still in a high school clique? They won't associate with you if you want to be friends with her? That is ridiculous...

However, her lack of actually doing the few minimal things required to be a BM is ABSOLUTELY a reason to ask her to leave!

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Posted by DrWho

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Posted by Tina1117


My FH friends do not really want to hang around with us anymore because they don't want her or her BF around. And my FH is afraid that people are starting to not like me because I'm associated with her.

Thank you.

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What is this, 5th grade? Your friends determine the social set independently of your input?

No, you can't fire a BM. Especially when you admittedly don't know the full story.

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COULDN'T AGREE MORE - well said DrWho!!

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Posted by soon2BMrsDee

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Posted by DrWho

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Posted by Tina1117


My FH friends do not really want to hang around with us anymore because they don't want her or her BF around. And my FH is afraid that people are starting to not like me because I'm associated with her.

Thank you.

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What is this, 5th grade? Your friends determine the social set independently of your input?

No, you can't fire a BM. Especially when you admittedly don't know the full story.

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COULDN'T AGREE MORE - well said DrWho!!

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This girl is acting like she is in 5th grade. Who wants someone like that in their wedding!! Like I said kick her to the curb! She's just going to cause drama...

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Posted by BellaBride08

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Posted by soon2BMrsDee

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Posted by DrWho

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Posted by Tina1117


My FH friends do not really want to hang around with us anymore because they don't want her or her BF around. And my FH is afraid that people are starting to not like me because I'm associated with her.

Thank you.

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What is this, 5th grade? Your friends determine the social set independently of your input?

No, you can't fire a BM. Especially when you admittedly don't know the full story.

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COULDN'T AGREE MORE - well said DrWho!!

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This girl is acting like she is in 5th grade. Who wants someone like that in their wedding!! Like I said kick her to the curb! She's just going to cause drama...

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Someone's gotta get the whole story from the FH to figure out what the right thing is to do - and then have a 'sit down' with the BM... the GMs opinion of her shouldn't persuade or dissuade the bride from who she wants... who knows what the GMs are saying the FH... there's a lot out there that needs to be put in the open before a HUGE decision like that is made... it's not easy to kick out a person from a BP... plus, is the FH willing to lose a GM over this, since they are b/f and g/f? That's also something to consider...

I just hope you make the right decision based on the right information and NOT opinions or assumptions! There are a lot people emotions that are going to be messed with in this situation...