So FH and i decided before we sent out save the dates that we would have to have an adult only reception since if we invited kids it would be another 80 people. I wasnt asking my mom to pay that because its just insane! So FMIL was POed about it and got so mad at me and i was like oh well, they can be mad but i dont have the extra money, i know you dont have it and im NOT asking my mom to pay it!
So invites went out 3 months ago.....stating adult only reception on them....
My uncle and aunt (who is also my godfather) RSVPed Yes for 2. My mom calls me and says the other day, that Uncle billy has to bring his grandaughter to the wedding. I was like ummmm no?! its only adults. This kid is 14. I dont know her she isnt related to me at all, she is from his second wifes side.
So i call him today and ask what is going on because he said he wouldnt come at all if he couldnt bring her. He says that he cant leave her with a sitter or anything at home so i offered for her to stay at my moms durring the RH with someone to watch her. He says she has problems and is slightly handicapped.
So now....i have a problem. Do i say Yes bring her and then hear it form everyone else why could he bring her and i couldnt bring my kids blah blah blah or do i stick to my guns and say no kids and let us be under our min by 2 more???
Im so mad at him for putting me in this situation. You RSVP to my wedding and then you decide to watch this kid? You see her all the time i get married once.....UGH im so mad
Thanks for reading if you got this far and please give me some advice!! thanks girls!!!
jeanyus27
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Honestly, i would just let him bring her. She's 14 so its not like she's an infant. You probably won't even notice her there. You don't have to explain anything to anyone and if they ask you why she was allowed to be there, tell them its none of their business.
ETA: i went through a similar situation and trust me its not worth it to not have the person there at all. He obviously means something to you and wants to share this day with you.
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
You basically have two options:
1) Stay firm and tell your Godfather that children under the age of 18 (or whatever it is) are not allowed. Are the two people your Godfather RSVP'd for him and his granddaughter or him and his wife, and now he's asking to bring a third person?
2) Say yes to your Godfather and ignore all the other people who say 'that's not fair.' Would people really say that? And if they do, say she is a special needs child and that you don't need to explain anything to them on your wedding day!
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
well no kids doesnt necessarily mean a 14 year old. Many ppl who do no kids do a cut off age sometimes its 13 and over other times its 18 and over. Did you tell everyone else that no teenagers were allowed. If not and you only told FMIL and everyone else that it was just no kids you can say you mean 13 and under are not allowed. Does she look older? maybe nobody wont notice...when i was 14 i definitely didnt look like a 14 year old
I did no kids for my wedding but didnt mind teenagers, although the only one we really had was junior bridesmaid.
Annoulak
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Posted by jeanyus27
Honestly, i would just let him bring her. She's 14 so its not like she's an infant. You probably won't even notice her there. You don't have to explain anything to anyone and if they ask you why she was allowed to be there, tell them its none of their business.
ETA: i went through a similar situation and trust me its not worth it to not have the person there at all. He obviously means something to you and wants to share this day with you.
I agree...if they don't understand why you bent the rules for your GODFATHER, then they have issues to deal with
Jamnike
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Posted by Espo22
well no kids doesnt necessarily mean a 14 year old. Many ppl who do no kids do a cut off age sometimes its 13 and over other times its 18 and over. Did you tell everyone else that no teenagers were allowed. If not and you only told FMIL and everyone else that it was just no kids you can say you mean 13 and under are not allowed. Does she look older? maybe nobody wont notice...when i was 14 i definitely didnt look like a 14 year old
I did no kids for my wedding but didnt mind teenagers, although the only one we really had was junior bridesmaid.
its 18 and over....a lot of the kids are under 16 but some are over and some are under and from the same family. so we couldnt say you can bring one of your children and not the other. So it had to be 18.
And something else about my GodFather is that he is kinda the black sheep of the family. He was disowned for years and just got his butt back into the family. So it will cause MAJOR drama.....
I hope that clarifies a little
Snick n Nick
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Even if it will cause major drama, if she is special needs I feel like people would understand...
Kittyg19
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
It is so annoying to be put in that situation but since she is 14 and its a special situation I would say let him bring her. You don't have to explain yourself and anyone who questions you I'm sure would see why you made an exception. Girls usually look older so maybe they will think she's 16. its close......
mnd1202
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
cant he just take her as the guest thats not right to ask u to do that
NYCGirl2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
I would make the special exception for this case, but confirm it with your mom if she is paying. I said no kids either and then ended up inviting two and as it turns out I will have 5 children at the wedding reception afterall. It is what it is. WE are forced sometimes to make exceptions, I am sure others won't be mad and if they are, screw them, it's your wedding you are doing the best you can to make everyone happy.
jaep129
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
If people have a problem exlplain she has a disability and can not be left alone I sure they will understand. Also, tell FMIL so she can inform the people onher side who might have a problem. Also, one more thing tell them its your day and F off!
Newsysuzy12
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Tough situation. I think people will understand you can't control everyone. If you think she will disrupt the party or make a scene I might tell him you are sorry, but you can't allow her. If she is pretty calm, I say let her come. People will get that it's a special situation, and it may really mean a lot to her to be included.
Jamnike
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Posted by Newsysuzy12
Tough situation. I think people will understand you can't control everyone. If you think she will disrupt the party or make a scene I might tell him you are sorry, but you can't allow her. If she is pretty calm, I say let her come. People will get that it's a special situation, and it may really mean a lot to her to be included.
that is what FH said. He said he didnt want to be a Diva but we dont know exactly what her handicap is, and its not something you could ask someone. He said that its our day and i dont want to be mean but if we are in the middle of our vows and someone starts yelling and making sounds and its on the video and you cant hear it, then that ruins it for us.
I agree with him and i feel like such a horrible person but its such a hard situation
and im more mad that he is doing this to us 2 weeks before the wedding!
Newsysuzy12
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Sometimes you have to work the family angle...if there is another family member he knows, have them make a call. At the end of the day, you will not look bad for being inclusive. Try to put them in the back row or near a door. If she is autistic, she might make a lot of noise, but if she is just developmentally disabled, she's probably capable of being mellow, and modeling the behavior around her. Who knows, being there could mean the world to her, if she is an adolescent with special needs. Good luck date twin!
megzzie
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
This is a sticky situation, but I would let her come. Like some of the other girls said, it's not like she's a baby - she's fourteen.
Annoulak
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
now that I think of it, there is another option...why can't your godfather come to your wedding and his 2nd wife stay at home with the girl?
Jamnike
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
Posted by Annoulak
now that I think of it, there is another option...why can't your godfather come to your wedding and his 2nd wife stay at home with the girl?
he said he doesnt want to do that....either all or nothing.
My issue is that he RSVPed over 3 months ago.....why does he have this girl now when he had prior arrangements?
wundmoretime
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
I have similiar situation with a cousin who rsvp with their soon to be 14 yr old. We can't do second cousins and no kids except mine and nieces and nephews. I feel if I allow them to bring her, the flood gates will open. I have a huge family and under 18 and second cousins are at least 20-40 more people. How could I allow one and not the others? I am not allowing my closest cousin to bring her kids. Point being, it will start problems. You will have some major explaining to FMIL and I doubt you will ever hear the end of it from her. Do they never get a night out? There are babysitters for special needs, I am sure, just not where to look for them. Otherwise, have him go solo.
alymikewedding08
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
I would say no, honestly it's very unfair to the rest of the guests who had to make other arrangements for their kids, and it's kind of insulting to them also.
I don't mean to sound harsh.. but I think that if he really wants to be there.. he will.
amanda41083
Posted:
Member since
Re: ADVICE please!!!!!!!! Guests
The girl has a handicap. If your guest make a big deal about it, they will be the only one that looks bad. And its not like she is a toddler, shes not going to be running around and acting hyper. There is probably a circumstance why your godfather has to take care of her so just go with the flow..
