AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Original post by wacky

Feb 25, 2003 08:49 PM

Ok I call fh mom to say thanks for bday card. In 2 minutes the 'me me' syndrome starts.

I told mom it was ok to stay in our apt while we were on honeymoon, no problem. Tonight she wants to know where is she staying before wedding. What????????

She is coming in thursday before wedding and she was wondering if she could stay in our apt. She didnt say it but implied it.

Ok smoke starts

then in same breathe she askes abt RD fine no probelm, now I thought Paul (wimp) explained to his mom that because of scheduling she probably would miss dinner. Well she sounded surprised, now questions.

Do I reschedule dinner part to accomodate her and his sister? or just leave it alone and just take them to dinner alone on Friday before wedding.

Ok then she starts asking how much $$$ can she spend on a dress, because Paul said he would send momey and still hasnt. At that point Paul came home and I gave him hte phone and nothing was resolved

Im F**** ****ed and I dont know who I should be more mad at Sissy Boy or his mom.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sorryyyyy Ladies, but thank you

avesur Posted: Feb 25, 2003 10:06 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

I think that the only way out is that you confront your FH with the problem and his mother ... no other choice.

wacky Posted: Feb 25, 2003 10:07 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

I have confronted him and I love the way he turns it around

Im done Im sick of this wedding **** as well as his.

jennbaby Posted: Feb 25, 2003 10:11 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

I definatelty think HE should be the one to speak to his mother & to discuss things with you beforehand.

balilove Posted: Feb 25, 2003 10:47 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

I agree he should talk to his mother. Let him explain about the RD and that staying in your apartment the night before the wedding is not a good idea.
I hope you can work it out, weddings seem to bring the best and worst out of everyone.

wacky Posted: Feb 26, 2003 07:34 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Thanks ladies for your suggestions. But Im about to call this whole thing off.

I never thought I was marriage material and NOW I think it even more.

Sorry to clog up the boards with ****

Jess2 Posted: Feb 26, 2003 08:07 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Hey Wacky. I think the only thing you can do is be upfront with her. You know what, you can't please everybody, and throughout your marriage you will have to deal with this woman (I'm telling you this from my own nutsyness with my FMIL). Just tell her like it is. That's it. Tell your FI if he won't say it, you will and that's it! You can't please everybody, and you don't have to say things in a mean way. You can just say that you were thinking about it and with all the insanity before the wedding you don't want anyone in the apartment. PERIOD. That's her problem. Good luck.

shelzyp Posted: Feb 26, 2003 08:42 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

I seem to have the same problem with my FH and FMIL, the way I handled it was to tell his FMIL to ask my FH becaseu he was supposed to be handeling it, like the situation with the check. Then it puts it on to him and if she asks again say you will have to talk to him becasue he is in charge of that. Then about the RD, if you have it planned already to be the earlier date then keep it, if that makes you happier. I am also assuming that FH was okay with RD being before his mom and sis got there. And if FMIL asks about the RD, put it on him. Force him to be the one that deals with his family. His parents think that it is his decisions and I don't look like the bad guy. Also tell him to tell her she has to stay with another family member or in a hotel for the few days before the wedding, that thinks wil be too crazy then.

Cindy Posted: Feb 26, 2003 08:57 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Gee... I thought I was the only one whos FH had issues with confronting his mother. For my situation, he let it sit and sit and get worse and worse thinking time would make it better. It didnt. It got worse. THey are the type of family that dont discuss anything. Try to stay calm. The last few months of the planning are the most stressful..IMO. If that is your apartment that you live in, then his mother has no right staying there right before your wedding. It is a very hectic, but yet special time. I remember two days before my wedding going to the beach by myself to just relax. I cant see having his mother there. I know how frustrating it is dealing with someone who is not willing to be upfront with his mom about his feelings and what it right. It is so frustrating! Have you tried to sit down and talk to him? Hang in there!!!

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Feb 26, 2003 09:31 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Hey girl.

Sounds like he has Sonnie Momma syndrom..(sp)

I know how you feel. Thank god Ron isn't like this BUT every male family member I have is..

Anyway..

YOu need him to stand up for himself and for you to the MOMMA..

Its not your place being the way she is and all she won't listen anyway.

I don't understand why you have to send $$ for a dress for her. Did I miss something?
and tell her she should not be making things any harder for you then they already are..

xoxoxo Love ya bella..

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 26, 2003 11:42 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Sorry Wacky, I left early last night and missed this post.

I can see how upset you are.

The proper thing to do would be to let Paul have a conversation with his mom, but as you said that is not going to happen.

So Plan B:

It seems like you are going to have to step up to the plate and take action. I suggest telling Paul before hand that you are going to handle any issues that come up with his mom . I say this so that he does not get blindsided if Sh** hits the fan.

I think she should do her best to change her schedule so that she can come to the rehearsal. You should not have to change your schedule to accomodate her. JMO.

My new philosophy in terms of dealing with future inlaws - Nip things in the bud.

Please let us know how this turns out.

MarcellaBella Posted: Feb 26, 2003 11:46 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

D, geeze girl.. Would I be P I S S E D !!! I hate momma's boys and at times, I have to give FH a good screaming b/c he should be able to put his momma in her place.. why should I always have to be the bad guy>

Jodi73 Posted: Feb 26, 2003 12:33 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Whenever I have a prob with my FMIL, my sissy FH tells me that I need to speak with her about it. He says I am always wrong and I need to speak to her. I have talked numerous times with my parents about this and they feel no matter how big or small the problem is, FH should talk to her about the problem.

UGH..what are we going to do with these men????

MissLinda Posted: Feb 26, 2003 01:16 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Wacky don't call it off! I know it's aggravating (sp?) when they sit on the fence like this but I think it's hard for them . . .they have been 'loyal' to theri mothers all these years and I think they feel as if they are betraying their mothers by going 'against' them. . .I was always told to see how a man treats his mother. If he's good to her then he'll treat you well. I'm very lucky he's VERY good to his mom and he treats me VERY well. It's a hard transition for them and if you stick with it , it'll work out. Talking to her might strengthen your relationship with her. .. I have a good relationship with my FMIL so I can say ANYTHING to her but it's still hard and I wish he would take care of some issues with her and not make me do it.

Keep us posted

OctBride03 Posted: Feb 26, 2003 02:28 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Wacky! Don't call off the wedding!!! Your FH needs to seriously talk about things with his mother!!! I truly hope things work out (I'm sure they will ) I wish I had better words to say...

Just wanted to give you some hugs!

Cheer up sweetie!

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 26, 2003 03:04 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

You hear that old saying over and over- If a man treats his mother well, he will treat you well.
Bla Bla Bla.

This is not about how he treats Wacky but the fact that he will NOT stand up to his mother.

Ladies,a momma's boy is not cute or attractive.

This situation needs to be resolved or Wacky will have to put up with this nonsense for the rest of her married life to Paul. That will not be healthy.

She has tried to be nice, but now is the time to pull no punches.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 26, 2003 05:10 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Bumping.

I want to know what Wacky decided to do.

jennbaby Posted: Feb 26, 2003 06:05 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Did you kiss & make up?

2003wedding. Posted: Feb 26, 2003 08:14 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

just pop a tent for her in your backyard!

farah416 Posted: Feb 26, 2003 08:24 PM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Wacky - sorry to hear about your troubles. What is it about boys and their lame*** inability to deal with life??? Ok, sorry, but my FH is in the doghouse right now as well. Not FMIL related, just him being really selfish.

Anyway, it depends on how you want to go with this. I would not want to deal with FMIL, so I would do what Shelzp suggested and keep putting it all on FH. Find some nice way to say that you don't want to get in the middle of it. However, if you think this course will lead to more stress for you, then just deal with FMIL and get it over with.

Good luck!!!

wacky Posted: Feb 27, 2003 08:50 AM

Re: AGHHHHHHHH FMIL and FH **** me off

Ladies thank you for all your support.

It is very appreciated. Thank you.

Well ok after I kicked Pauls ass, well in a matter of words. Of course he wouldnt admit he was wrong but I guess he stepped up to the plate, because yesterday his mom apologized.

She said she didnt mean to cause any problems ( yada yada) and that Paul called her yesterday and told her that from now on she must speak to him directly about any concerns or questions about anything. That she shouldnt be upsetting me.

YEAH, my big boy. So thank you ladies, I guess he just needed a good kick in the coolie, oh and I threated to make him go to a therapist to get over his mommie syndrome.

Oh I feel better now. Thanks again.

And to all my ladies that are going or have gone through the same thing, I guess we just have to be firm and not take any ****.