AHHH FMIL

I always assumed that out of town guests were supposed to be invited to the rehersal. It is a way to entertain them/ feed them. Are your Aunts and Uncles from out of town as well?

And is FMIL paying for the RD?

your FMIL sounds like more of a pest than mine!!!!!! ARGH... next time we marry orphans!!! LOL j/k

good luck!

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Posted by allornil

Sometimes its easier to give in. Although you dont need to make your mom upset. Have FH talk to her

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The thing is I have 5 aunts and uncles on my moms side that I am extremely close to. I am only inviting 2 (with there spouses of course) because they are doing readings. How do I explain FMIL random bf that FH met once at our RD. (they met at our engagement party!!)

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Posted by harts2976

No FH and I are paying for the rehearsal dinner. If we invited all OOT guest to the RD the list would be at 125- we can not afford it.

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hey, y not a restaurant? that way you cut cost on food and find a room that is for only 50 people ...and that can be your excuse to keep the guestlist @ a minimum.. how much is WM for your rehearsal dinner? just curious since i was booked there and i really would like to have something there like my bridal shower etc.

The RD goes as follows:

Wedding party and their guest
My mom
His parents
My gma (i am not invited my dads side)
he has no grandparents alive
My brother in law (my sister passed away)
but he is the father of the RB.
2 of my aunts that are doing readings

He has no one extra on his because he said there is no one that he would want to do a reading from his side because he is not close to anyone. I mentioned why not having his moms best friend and he said he didnt even know them. The thing is how do i explain to my godfather/uncle and all my other aunts and uncles from out of state that they arent invited but FMIL best friend is that we don't know. grr theres really no way around it because I can't say no. She keeps wanting to go tit for tat for everything! I understand I am having 2 of my aunts but I am closer with my second cousins then she is with her family (shes not even inviting her family because she doesnt speak to them- shockinnnnng). IDK I just don't want to upset my mom because i just keep giving into his mom and trying not to upset her while my mom has done everything possible to help FH and I! She is paying for the Ceremony and the reception hall. Not to mention selling us her house for 100k off and Surprise FH last week and told him she would fly him down to Fla for his neices bday so he could see his family. She really tries so hard to help because she knows we have been working our buts off with everything and by no means does my mom have money- shes been a single mom for 25 years she just works her a*S*S off and chooses what she wants to do with her money... FH and i originally decided it would be only those involved in ceremony this way it was no hard feelings to my other aunts and uncles i am close to. Now how do i tell my mom she cant have her 3 brothers one of which is my godfather, another of which i lived with for 2 years that they can't come but FMIL bestfriend can that FH only met once.

I'm pretty sure OOT guests are invited to the RD. They may not actually be present at the rehearsal part of it, but they are usually invited to the RD. plus if FIL's are paying for it, they can technically invite whoever they want.

I know for FBIL/FSIL's wedding, all of the OOT guests were invited and they practically accounted for the majority present! It's going to be the same thing when we get married.

see some of my cousins did it some didnt. We made a list of with and with out oot guest.

FMIL/FFIL aren't paying for it. They gave us a flat amount that covered the photographer/video. Everything else vender wise and RD wise we are paying for.

With only ceremony people RD is around 40-50 depending who brings a guest or not.

With oot guest it goes way over 100. Closer to 125

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Posted by harts2976

see some of my cousins did it some didnt. We made a list of with and with out oot guest.

FMIL/FFIL aren't paying for it. They gave us a flat amount that covered the photographer/video. Everything else vender wise and RD wise we are paying for.

With only ceremony people RD is around 40-50 depending who brings a guest or not.

With oot guest it goes way over 100. Closer to 125

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well if they are not paying for it than I would have a problem inviting them too. Especially if you guys are paying for it yourselves. I know that techincally OOT are supposed to be invited but if you can't afford to do so than too bad for the OOT... they'll understand.

Where are you planning on having the RD? Could you possibly do something more low key at someone's house maybe to cut costs?

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Posted by FutureJOC

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Posted by harts2976

see some of my cousins did it some didnt. We made a list of with and with out oot guest.

FMIL/FFIL aren't paying for it. They gave us a flat amount that covered the photographer/video. Everything else vender wise and RD wise we are paying for.

With only ceremony people RD is around 40-50 depending who brings a guest or not.

With oot guest it goes way over 100. Closer to 125

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well if they are not paying for it than I would have a problem inviting them too. Especially if you guys are paying for it yourselves. I know that techincally OOT are supposed to be invited but if you can't afford to do so than too bad for the OOT... they'll understand.

Where are you planning on having the RD? Could you possibly do something more low key at someone's house maybe to cut costs?

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We got an awesome deal at WM i mean awesome- better than almost every restraunt i looked at because i know a BM. If we do OOT guest we can't do it at my house because it won't fit everyone inside comfortable to eat and its april so I cant bank on being able to do it outside plusss i have to get ready here the next day and I don't know if I want to be cleaning up all night. My aunt has a big back yard in hicksville right down the block from the CB but she is having like 10 people stay at her house from OOT since she has so many rooms so I would feel bad asking her and again the wedding is in april so weather might not be great at 7pm to be outside. Problem is I have a HUGE family (just including cousins and aunts) plus our wedding party is 14 plus guest. So if we invite OOT guest I have to also invite the cousins from NY b/c i cant leave them out . all OF FH family is florida as well as like 30 of my family and i have like 10 in NC, 10 in Maryland.. grrrr damn my MIC family

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Posted by sjr385

I wouldn't worry about inviting all of the OOT guests -- there's always a line between what people often do and what we choose (or can afford) to do.

And I wouldn't worry so much about explaining your RD invite list to anyone. I don't think you really need to say anything at all but if you want to, you could just tell your aunts and uncles that FMIL insisted (and then roll your eyes about it). If they're really close to you, they should understand. Is it really going to upset your mom?

Your mom sounds *amazing*. Make her feel special by recognizing her in other ways. And, if this is really going to be a huge, upsetting deal for all of you, screw FMIL. You're sending out the RD invites, right? Just don't send one to her friends. If they have the bal ls to crash it on FMIL's word, you can honestly tell your mom and family that they weren't invited.

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That would actually be funny..... but FMIL would def. know i didnt send one!! lol She actually just emailed me to say try to book the rehearsal as late as possible because FSIL husband who is in wedding wont be flying in until late and should would like him to make it it. lol UMMM..im getting married the next day the dinner is not starting at 9pm!! lol.... IDK i have to think maybe i'll just let it slide and not tell my mom? or just invite my aunts and uncles. I was thinking of just doing a BM brunch/lunch thing that girls do something but FSIL is in fla and wont be up to attend and I will hear it if I do something she cant make! I can't win!!

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Posted by sjr385

You really can't win! It's like the cliche, 'You can make some of the people happy all the time, and all of the people happy some of the time, but you can't make all of the people happy all of the time.' Oy. Make yourself happy. The rest of them will get over it.

Your wedding is 4/15/11 and FSIL's husband already has late flights? He has flights already?! I'm impressed... you can only book flights about 10 months out. (I should know. Ever since I went to college, my parents call me every year in February to find out if I'm going away with them for Christmas. My mom likes to book early.)

If you want to have a BM brunch/lunch, go for that too. Just give FSIL plenty of notice... if she can't make it, it's her fault. I've gone to FL from NY for literally 24 hours to see my grandparents. It's definitely doable.

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Yep deltas flights are out-- She cant afford to come up the weekend prior or anytime prior- I dont think she will even make the shower. FMIL is paying for every aspect of the wedding for FSIL. FSIL and her husband dont do anything its sad. but they drive mercedes must be nice

you guys are all so nice. I'm like OOT guests? whatever..they have family here. they can hang w them. hahah.

seriously I'm the worst bride ever.

and I honestly would just tell my FMIL no. I have a different relationship w her though. If I said no, she'd be fine with it.