So I just talked to my mom (her and my step dad are paying for most of the wedding and we're sooo thankful for all of the help) and i brought up the topic of our OOT guests so she brought up the number of guests we are inviting and how many will probably actually come. I told her that the likelihood of all of FH's guests coming is REALLY really slim. My FH is from Alaska and none of his guests are from around here at all, they are all from Alaska, west coast (CA, WA, ID) and a few down south and we really don't think alot will be able to come but we sent them STDs as a courtesy. I have had preliminary conversations with my mom about this and she had an idea of how many we were looking at, but now she seems to think I was really unclear. Shes getting really frustrated and upset with me now bc I told her that we have to invite everyone we sent a save the date to bc it says 'formal invitation to follow' and she says essentially that if her and my step dad sit down and look at the numbers and come to a conclusion about what they think they can handle to pay for, we may not be able to send an invite to everyone we sent an STD to. I tried to explain the etiquette. She's not hearing it and she's really upset. Im freaking out. I feel horrible now bc i dont want to put a burden on my mom and step dad but I also know that I cant NOT invite ppl I sent STDs to!
I guess me and FH REALLY screwed ourselves over and should have been much more careful in deciding who to send STDs to, but I had no clue this issue was coming!! I think we had some major communication break down. She says we should have never sent out that many STDs to FH's fam and friends and only ppl he would definitely want to be there (on my side, we have a pretty small grp of ppl, all very close and all fam and all live nearby...fh's side, we invited some of his parents friends, some ppl that he hasnt seen in a while, i think we were a bit looser about but i kind of went from FMILs suggestions).
I don't know what to do now!
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My mom says we need to give everyone over 18 a guest but I feel like she thinks its perfectly okay not to actually follow through to give an invite to everyone we sent STDs to. Now we're fighting essentially and I feel horrible bc shes super sensitive and thinks Im not being respectful of her and appreciative of all the help they are giving us....
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Thanks for letting me vent. I'm caught up in the middle of it so sorry if this sounds like a dramatic response.
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ETA UPDATE:
So FH talked to his parents and went through their list of fam and friends, and they literally said they think only ones coming from their side out of like 80 something ppl is: them, FH's two bros, one of their wives, his best man and wife, and one of his friends as definites. only few others as maybes so I guess the whole going overboard on numbers is pretty unlikely (gotta admit, little scared theyre underestimating), which is good on one hand but I kinda feel sad for FH about such a small turn out from his side. He says hes okay with it and I hope he is. I was expecting my mom to be all relieved but now I think she feels bad bc she wants to make sure FH doesnt think it was all about $$$, she just wanted a clearer idea of #s so her and my step dad werent surprised. Oh well, we'll see what it really comes down to once we send invites out! Thanks for the advice tho girls, def helped calm me down and got us moving to talk to FH's parents.
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Sidenote: FFIL doesn't sound too excited (understatement) about us getting married on LI. I guess bc theyve never been, they have this picture in their head like it will be downtown Manhattan! They have no clue OFC is a hidden gem down a back road, so quiet. K, rambling. Im done.
