I have been a lurker on the boards for quite awhile and see how wonderfully supportive you are of each other, so I thought I would post. I need to get this off my chest and can't talk to any of my friends about it.
I am not yet engaged and have been with BF for over 5 years. We are at the age (I'm 25 and he's 27) where it seems like everyone we know is getting engaged. All of my friends are getting engaged right now and it is really starting to get to me. Two of my friends were engaged this weekend, and although I am happy for them, it breaks my heart a bit. None of my engaged friends have been with their FH's half the time I have been with BF. We talk about marriage all the time and I know he is planning to marry me, but why hasn't he asked yet? I feel like everyone else BF's love them more than mine loves me. He is such a wonderful guy and treats me like gold; I just wish he would get to the 'treating me like diamonds' faze!!
Did any of you go through this? How did you deal with it? He knows I am upset, but I don't want to make a big deal about it because I think it makes him feel bad (he isn't doing that well financially at the moment). When I get upset, I think it makes him feel inferior to all of our friends (most of whom are younger than him) who can afford the ring and wedding.
Thanks for letting me vent....any advice would be so appreciated.
dreamygal
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
slpbridetobe , I laughed so hard when I read your post because that is EXACTLY what I just finished doing!! I got a little teary-eyed when my first friend got engaged, and then it progressivley got worse. When my friend told me today, I sat down and hysterically cried for an hour before coming on here to post. Luckily, you've all helped put a smile back on my face!
nrvbrd , I was happy to read your post and advice...I really appreciate every word you typed.
I know you all say not to let him see how upset you are and not to push him about it, but it is SOOOO hard not to!!!! My friends also keep saying things that are bothering me so much- i.e., 'Don't worry, hunny, one day it will happen to you!!!' and 'You'll understand how hard it is to tell everyone when you finally get engaged..' I know those sound innocent, but they drive me crazy- they sound completeley condescending to me!! AAHHH!!!!
nrvbrd
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
Dreamygal, please keep us updated on your progress.
Feel free to lurk around as much as you want.
sept20yay!
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
Please remember these simple words: less is more!!! They mean so much in your instance. I swear, if you pester less, he will want to get married more. It will work in your favor!! If you do your own thing and move around- hit the gym, take up a hobby, and not at all be needy I swear he will want to be around you so much! Just my opinion, He will want you to be around him more and will propose.
nrvbrd
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
Sept, you are so right.
Men are so turned on by women when the focus of their life is not them.
bride082003
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
OMG, I can sooooo relate. All I can say is try to be patient. If it's meant to be it will happen. There is nothing you can do to rush him (we were together 6 years before we got engaged) - Maybe its just me but being on this site BEFORE I got engaged would have drove me CRAZY!! I did everything to stay away from this type of stuff!! GOOD LUCK & hang in there
LenaNY
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
Dreamy,
It feels like you were reading my mind when your were writing your post. In fact I am 'lurking' right now. I agree with what all the other girls said. I also don't want to push my bf but it seems like soon we are going to be the only unmarried couple in our circle of friends, and sometimes it's very hard to seem to be happy for everyone esle. And I can barely hold my tongue trying not be be rude when older relatives are inquiring about the date of our wedding. What made me less aggrevated is that my bf and I had a talk if we are ready or not to take a next step and we talked about the time frame of when we would want to be married. I made sure he knows that it takes over a year to plan a wedding. Guys can be so clueless about this kind of things. In a mean time I am trying to do some planning in my head by spying on all the brides to be on this board. I would want the planning to be less painfull after Good luck to you, and keep us posted.
sept20yay!
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
and when you do get engaged, have a nice short engaement Not a three year one! It will drive you nuts! I say this a lot but you could pull an amazing wedding together in 6-8 months. I was engaged one year and two months and I am climbing the walls!
lilmrs
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
FH and I dated for 6 years...I hated when people would say that 'your day will come' Take your time and talk with him ratinonally and find out what the hold up is. I did just that and learned that he was in the process of saving money to buy me a ring.
WithThisRing
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
I lurked the wedding boards for a long time before I was engaged. I even made comments like 'i am not going to another wedding. The next wedding I go to is mine' thats how mad I would be that we werent engaged. I would cry and be so mean to him that we werent getting married. One night we had a really big fight and we didnt talk for 2 days and we live together. I finally told myself I just have to be quiet and not push him.
I lurked the boards and made notes on stuff and just kept things to myself. While I was keeping all my feelings inside and planning things in my head he was saving money and planning on how he would propose. he was calling jewelers, friends, getting information about buying a ring and diamonds and he was planning on making things perfect.
What I have learned is a wedding is very expensive. So he could be saving money. When I was being mad at him he was saving money.
Be patient, he sounds very sweet, but he may want to make things perfect and is saving to make all your dreams come true.
karenJ
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
I had been going out with my fiancee for five years and gave him the second degree on our first through fifth anniversaries to no avail!!!!. I did this because of pressure from my family and my girlfriends who thought he was taking too long. Now that we are finally engaged, it took me a while to get used to being months away from actually being married. All I can say is that you are only 25 yrs old so please enjoy your single life because marriage is long term and comes with a lot of responsibilty. It affects your whole existance such as changing your name, address and your body (when the babies come !!). If your guy is sweet and respects you, hang on to him. It will come when you least suspect it. I know that you love and cherish him a lot, but for now just enjoy the sweet freedom of a single girl who has a nice future to look forward to with a wonderful guy. I am sure that you are the envy of some of your already married friends!!!
jennbaby
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
I just wanted to say it will happen...good things come to those who wait
NAN7/03
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Re: All my friends are doing it!!! I need help....
I can't believe so many girls can relate to your situation. I am convinced that we mature WAY faster than men do! My fiance and I were dating for 6 years before we got engaged. He tried to end the relationship more than once because he knew that I was ready and he was not. He felt like he was letting me down because he wasn't sure when (if ever) he would be ready. It took some separation for him to realize what he really wanted. It took A LOT of patience and understanding on my part, but I hung in there because I knew we really loved each other. I'm not saying...by ANY means...that you need a separation. But I do know how you feel, and I believe that if you really love each other, he will come around when he is ready. You should not push him or give him an ultimatum. Give him the time he needs to really be ready. Only then will you know that he asked you because he truly wants to spend the rest of his life with you. For now, enjoy this time in your life! It is full of precious, wonderful moments that you will look back on with a smile! Good luck!
