Brides Helping Brides ™ - already feeling some date pressure... help please!

FutureMcBride Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:29 AM

already feeling some date pressure... help please!

OK so I am not really stressed about anything yet but I am starting to feel pressure from people about when we are getting married. Family keep asking when we are going to get married!!! My initial reaction is RELAX we just got engaged!!! I so want to just enjoy this but I do think it's important to at least have a ball park !!!

So my Fiance wants to get married NEXT December. I just don't know how I feel about this. We have always wanted a winter wedding. I would love to get married in DEc 2010 but we have NO MONEY saved!!! AT all!!! Part of me just keeps thinking it's too soon!! less than a year doesn't really seem like enough time to start planning, especially since we have no money saved. But if we want to do it Dec 2011 that just seems so far away!!

From your experience, what is more realistic? People keep saying 'no one never has money, you just have to make it work.' I just feel like I want to enjoy this engagement and not have to rush into planning. Especially since we want to have an engagement party and stuff, it will be nice to stretch everything out.Plus, I am a teacher and I want to really start this summer planning and everything. Ugh what do yuo ladies think?

THANKs in advance!

brittndave Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:31 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

i hate to say if, but if the money isn't there, then you really can't do it this december. i wouldn't rush it and put additional stress on yourself -- time will go by so fast you won't know the difference!

AwaitingAugust Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:32 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

You can see if your families are going to help out with any money. But i think no matter what your budget is, you usually go over by at least a little bit regardless

We wanted a short engagement of about 9 months ... so far, it's enough time for planning ... everything will get done in time ... i promise

FutureMcBride Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:35 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

Posted by AwaitingAugust

You can see if your families are going to help out with any money. But i think no matter what your budget is, you usually go over by at least a little bit regardless

We wanted a short engagement of about 9 months ... so far, it's enough time for planning ... everything will get done in time ... i promise

Our families are going to help us out, but we are going to be paying for the majority ourselves. I just feel like we have so many other things to pay for, I don't see how we are going to pay for wedding things! I guess we really need to sit down with our families and see how much they are willing to contribute. How nice would a winning megamillions ticket be right now!?

AngnShaun Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:35 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

you can definitely plan a wedding in a year.... but if you dont have any money then that will be difficult... you should decide what kind of wedding you want first... big hall type or small.... or do you want to elope... if you can stand it, just ignore everyone that is asking you... if you cant tell them that you are waiting until the new year to decide

halfbaked Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:36 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

You really have to sit down and figure out where this money is coming from before you decide on a date. Try and think about how much you'll need to save and by when you can comfortably save it (don't forget that birthdays and communions and holidays don't stop because you're engaged, I didn't factor any of that in!) and then you'll have your answer. What about getting married in February or March of 2011? It'll give you a little extra time while still giving you the winter wedding and you don't have to wait until Dec. 2011.

MrsDR2010 Posted: Dec 28, 2009 11:22 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

I know lots of plan with no money saved. I did. What works for me is making monthly payments. It helps because things will be paid off by the wedding. I also cut the guest list. The fewer people the better it is on your budget. There are tons of things to cut back on.....like flowers. Doing a single calla for your BM's saves you a ton....also I'm DIY-ing candle Cp's. As much as I love high cp's ....its just not in my budget.

Smaller BP= less stress and less money when it comes to getting gifts

FM me for more ideas

Mommy2BeBride Posted: Dec 28, 2009 11:37 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

do whatever your gut is telling you.

FH & I are paying for our wedding ourselves and being only 23 we don't have the financials right now, so we both decided on a Fall 2012 wedding. It was the best decision we made because we are not stressed at all about money!

kimmaymb20 Posted: Dec 28, 2009 12:42 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

do what you feel you want to do. If you dont feel you can pull a wedding off in 11 months then dont rush the wedding. Ive been engaged for a year already and we figured we can save better and get what we wanted if we waiting longer to get married. Does it **** being engaged so long yes but hey at least I know I will have the money when the time comes.

JenBill61210 Posted: Dec 28, 2009 12:43 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

i got engaged in april 2008 and we went with a june 2010 wedding date. it seemed sooooo far away at the time but in actuality it has helped A LOT as we have slowly been building up money in our wedding savings account which will be helpful in paying for vendors and our honeymoon. You have to do what makes sense financially... and the time will pass anyway. good luck!

Im getting Married Posted: Dec 28, 2009 01:06 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

Our engagement will be over 2 years when we finally get married..it seemed so far but now we are less than a year and a half away

Are issue was money as well..I would personally wait to have the wedding of our dreams than rush and then possibly being disappointed

GL

krissy5451 Posted: Dec 28, 2009 06:47 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

If you believe you should wait because of the money or time, I would say wait. I got engaged Oct 09 and am getting married July 2011. My mom was pushing for the date to be July 2010 and money was not the issue because she offered to pay. My concern was the stress of rushing everything and not getting the vendors we wanted. The way we looked at it was I picked 2 vendors- the reception hall and the Photographer. We asked for dates from both (once we were set with who we wanted to book with) for July 2010 and July 2011 and both were COMPLETELY BOOKED for July 2010! That's when I knew my decision was made.

So if you know a specific date in december when you want to have your ceremony and know maybe the place or a vendor you want to use, see if you date is even open. I know it's a year in advance but the popular dates (esp around the holidays!) book up quickly!

Plus, there are tons of sales from Thanksgiving-Christmas and it's so much easier and cheaper to buy supplies then! I saved a ton of money buying my BM gifts in advance and I will def. have a list of things I want to buy next Nov-Dec because of the sales and free shipping!

Hope this helps, good luck!

MrsList Posted: Dec 28, 2009 08:23 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

I wouldn't rush, especially if you don't have the money. Then there's more settling and you'll be less happy with the final result. Plus, once you start planning, you have to start paying out $$$ for deposits or you can lose dates/vendors you want.

So I would tell people winter 2011 to be general. If they have something to say about the long engagement, tell them they can kick in some money if they want to bump it up.

LaBellaVita622 Posted: Dec 28, 2009 08:35 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

Oh I was in your shoes just last year...we got engaged Christmas Day '08. I wanted June '10 so bad because '11 was 'so far away' I would even cry about it to sometimes. But FH was dead set on the extra year for saving. Can I just say, I am sooooo happy now that we gave ourselves the extra year. I can't imagine it being in 6 months! How would it all be paid for??? I mean we could have done it, but not at the place we love & with all the vendors we wanted, it just wouldn't have been possible with us too paying for the majority ourselves.. So now I see that I am glad that I didn't have to sacrifice anything & be insanely stressed out either. This year FLEW by we all keep saying it in our families, & it will for you too. So just go with what you & FH can agree on but I'd say give yourselves the extra year :)

FutureMcBride Posted: Dec 29, 2009 10:40 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

Thanks SO much ladies!!! I feel so much better about all of this after reading all of your responses. You brought up a good point, that the time will fly by either way, and that having an extra year for saving will definitely help out a LOT!.

Now I just need to convince FH of this... I will make him read all of your posts!!!!!

Mrs Z To Be Posted: Dec 29, 2009 10:44 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

I would wait......We got engaged in June, 2008! And are getting married this coming november...let me tell you, we STILL don't know how we are coming up with all of this money, AND we have been saving, and we are 'older'. I will be 30, FH 34 when we tie the knot.

We waited because my sis got married last october, and my parents are contributing a bit, and we did not want to clobber them with two weddings back to back.

My point is, the engagement FLIES by!!!! I would personally wait until 2011....give yourself the time because believe me, you will change your mind a few times!!! And I cannot stress enough: IGNORE EVERYBODY AND DO YOUR OWN THING!!!

EVERYBODY will have an opinion......Let it roll right off your back. Good luck!!

AdriandSteve Posted: Dec 29, 2009 10:49 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

It's easy for other people to say get married now b/c no one ever has the $ when they aren't the one's paying for it.

Personally, I know FH and I wouldn't be able to afford our wedding in 12 months so i'm glad we extended the engagement to 21 months. Believe it not it goes by pretty fast. You can still start planning the basic stuff (church/temple of worship and reception hall).

FutureMrsG Posted: Dec 29, 2009 11:44 AM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

Wait and save for the wedding...worrying about money is going to add to the stress of wedding planning. It is easy for everyone else to say oh do not worry about money but you and your FH are going to sign the contracts for all of your vendors and be responsible for the payments.

kshea23 Posted: Dec 29, 2009 12:05 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

My FH and I were engaged this year, and we're having an April 2011 wedding. We're paying for it ourselves, so I understand where your coming from. Longer you wait, the longer you can save up and have the best wedding possible

bigsal Posted: Dec 29, 2009 12:44 PM

Re: already feeling some date pressure... help please!

I think that you can pull off a wedding in less than a year but without money-better to wait for 2011 than to stress over it. Plus, I know it sounds far off, but the time really does fly by. Enjoy being engaged for some time. Then when you are ready you can start the planning process.