Brides Helping Brides ™ - Am I being a baby?

tracy2246 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 02:20 PM

Am I being a baby?

I know the answer to that but here is the story...

My best friend is a guy-1 month ago he met a girl ( who I like very much) and they seem to be on the fast track to everything. They live with eachother already and he just called to tell me that they boooked the hall for June of 2006. I am very hapy for them but kind of feel like they are rushing into something...and also that they could have waited until after my wedding...I know that what counts is that he is happy but ...well I am sure you know what I mean. I feel so bad that this is the way that I feel.

JessicaM. Posted: Jul 11, 2005 02:24 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

wow- that sounds more like the express track!!

I know how you feel- even the most magnanimous of us don't like to have our thunder stolen...you're entitled to feel the way you are- as long as you only let US know- you're friend doesn't have to!

tracy2246 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 02:26 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

:)

Thanks..that is why you ladies are the best...

I know the most important thing is that he is happy..and she is great girl..but how well can you know someone after such a short amount of time...

Noiva06 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 02:29 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I know exactly what you mean, I had/have a similar situation. One of my friends has been dating someone for 7 months (of which it's a long distance relationship, so they barely see eachother) and they are already talking marriage for next year (the month after my wedding) and I just feel like I dated someone for 4 years...can't you just wait?! But I've never said a word, but I know what you mean. It's a feeling you can't help....

Shorty McBride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 02:33 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I almost felt the same way about a friend of mine...

her engagement has since ended (her choice, and rightfully so).

teany Posted: Jul 11, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I could have written that myself when I first started planning the wedding, though FH is closer to this friend than I am. This friend got engaged a couple weeks after we did, after knowing the girl for 3 months (he's on LI and she's in PA, so they only saw each other on weekends), and made their wedding 2 weeks after ours. We were going to postpone our HM until after their wedding. It annoyed me at first, but I eventually got used to it.

Well, exactly a year before their wedding, she broke it off. I guess they had so much time beforehand that she realized she wasn't ready to get married, or just marry him.

I guess it's different for you since this is a close friend and you say you like this girl (I had only met my friend's ex-fiance once, and she didn't give me a good impression. Same for some of our other friends.) But I definitely understand what you're feeling. You want to be happy for your friend but feel kind of upstaged. I think once things pan out and you're closer to your date maybe you'll feel a bit better.

PrincessConsuela Posted: Jul 11, 2005 03:05 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

i know how you feel. last summer after i got engaged i had dinner with oot family and my cousins cousin who was 7 or 8 months (she lives on LI) pregnant asked me the date of my wedding and i told her jan or feb of 06. so she says ohhhh.
Back then she didnt have a date. now i find out that they finally set a date and guess when it is????? two weeks before mine!!! biatch. so now my family will probably choose her wedding over mine. i have to get over this. whatever.

have fun planning your own!!!!!

06NovBride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 03:17 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

We were in almost the same situation...my sister started dating someone last january...well in sept/oct they were talking about getting engaged...I was heartbroken...here I was dating my bf for almost 4 years and we weren't engaged and they were dating 9 months and were thinking of getting engaged. They decided to move in together first before getting engaged. They are not engaged yet.

I say you can have your own feelings, but don't let your friend know...it will probably just cause tension between you. Relax and enjoy planning your wedding.

tracy2246 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 03:24 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

Thanks ladies..I am glad that I am not the only one...I will be nothing but a supportive friend...

I could squeeze you all.

iffer042373 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 03:35 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I can't say I was in that situation about my wedding but I can totally realte to what your going through cuz when I was prego right before I was going to announce it my cousin goes and blabs out some good news that she had so when I announced my news I didn't know if they were happy for me or just still happy for my cousin

CC59 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 03:48 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I can see you being worried about your friend, but (not to sound snotty) why should he have to wait until after you to get married? I can see it its like 2 days before...then I would be really p*ssed but its a whole 6 months. Everyone is entitled to have their wedding whenever they want to have it...just my opinion

tracy2246 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:04 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

We both have the same friends who live in other states that will be in both wedding parties...I am in his as well and I am concerned with the financial aspect of it as well.

I just do not think that you can be in love and plan something so serious when you barely know someone.

CC59 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:21 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

The money situation always makes things more difficult! One of my BMs and I are getting married 3 weeks apart (we're both teachers and knew we were going to get married the same summer) it's hard but its your friend and you find a way because you love them. Just try to have trust in your friend that he knows what he's doing and be there for him. Hope it all works out!

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:36 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

Well I am just going to give a different view than most of the others here-
My FH and I got engaged after dating for a little over a year... we had started talking about it a few months into the relationship... Just because you have been dating for years, doesn't mean you are more entitled to your wedding than people who have been dating for shorter amounts of time.
Everyone has reasons. For some its financial. For others its age..
When you know, you know, and it doesn't matter how long you have been dating.
I take this a little personally because when I called one of my 'so called' best friends to tell her about my engagement, her remark was 'isn't it a little soon?'
I was very hurt by this, and we haven't spoken since.

tracy2246 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:43 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

Please take no offense at all...to each his own and who am I to say that such a short amount of time is to quick...

perhaps if he had not done this about two years ago with someone else he had only dated for a month ( that did not work out at all) and she was not just recently engaged herself....

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:53 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

Posted by tracy2246

Please take no offense at all...to each his own and who am I to say that such a short amount of time is to quick...

perhaps if he had not done this about two years ago with someone else he had only dated for a month ( that did not work out at all) and she was not just recently engaged herself....

I just re-read my post and realized it came off with a bit of an attitude.
If your friend has a pattern, then I understand your concerns.
But a lot of other ladies have posted how they are jealous(? not sure if thats the right word) of their friends who dated for shorter amounts of time than they did before getting engaged. Just don't judge how strong a relationship is based on how long a couple has been together.
Some people who have been together for years before getting married get divorced shortly after getting married, and some people who got married a month after meeting someone are happily married after 30 years.
I don't want to start anything here, I just want others to be careful about judging other people's relationships, because it can really hurt a friendship.

Noiva06 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:57 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Well I am just going to give a different view than most of the others here-
My FH and I got engaged after dating for a little over a year... we had started talking about it a few months into the relationship... Just because you have been dating for years, doesn't mean you are more entitled to your wedding than people who have been dating for shorter amounts of time.
Everyone has reasons. For some its financial. For others its age..
When you know, you know, and it doesn't matter how long you have been dating.
I take this a little personally because when I called one of my 'so called' best friends to tell her about my engagement, her remark was 'isn't it a little soon?'
I was very hurt by this, and we haven't spoken since.

I completely agree and understand what you are saying, and I don't think anyone is trying to say that it is too quick, some people just know when they have met 'the one.' I just think it bothers some people (me included) if someone close to me planned a wedding so close to mine. In my situation, it just bothered me because I have been planning for so long and my friend with a much shorter relationship decided to get married right after me, like a it would be a couple of weeks after and if it was over a month in between our weddings then I would be ok with it.....

tracy2246 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 05:13 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I totally agree with what you all are saying...and no matter if it was days before mine or months..what counts is that he is happy....it is so hard to find love no matter what...just happy that he did...

MrsP2Be Posted: Jul 11, 2005 07:45 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

Similar situation, I know how you feel. I know a couple who met, got engaged and their wedding is all within 2 years of their first date! It was around the time I was upset because my FH was dragging his feet getting me the ring and here comes this couple.. I was really upset.

BKtoLI Posted: Jul 11, 2005 08:48 PM

Re: Am I being a baby?

I understand completely. Maybe your friend is one of those people who is in love with being in love. Maybe 1 month of dating is extremely quick to start wedding planning!! If it was my friend, I would say once and only once 'remember what happened last time, are you sure you want to do this?' Just remember that when people are in love, sometimes they don't want to hear anything or see anything even if it's right in front of them.

When I told my brother that FH and I got engaged, the first words out of his mouth was 'oh make sure the wedding is nowhere near September 06' I asked why then he said because SIL's best friend's wedding is next September and they're in that wedding party. I was actually pissed off he said that to me. I asked him who's more important, family or friends. Luckily the rest of my family agreed with me and said make your wedding whenever you want to make it. When I told my brother it was April, he STILL whined about it being too close to September!!! I'm sorry but we're NOT going to rearrange OUR wedding because of SIL's BF's wedding!!!

I feel your pain, sometimes, people feel this is a competition, and it gets annoying sometimes.....