am i being a bad FW- long but need opinions

FH and I have 6 appointments this weekend with photographers- beginning at 10am saturday morning, but we live in ct and will need atleast and hour and half to drive to LI if not more...so we have to leave house at like 8am grab something to eat and go!this has been planned for weeks!

Last night fh gets a phone call from friend who says, he are you going to ***'s Bachelor party? FH says, I didnt know about it...I thought the wedding was in july? friend says, no it is in june sometime, Fh says, I didnt get an invite, Friend says, oh he didnt send them out yet (WHAT HUH HELLLO apparently wedding is June 11th, how didnt they send out invites yet???)

OK- FH calls *** to say 'hi and see whats up nonchalantly and asks him to go to a soccer game) *** mentions that he is having a small wedding about 50 people... WHich FH assumed ment he was NOT invited- no big deal fine!

SO FH decides to go to bachelor party- said they werent doing anything big because *** didnt want the whole stripper/club thing

THEN today *** calls my FH and says hey, just wanted to know if you and GF were coming to my wedding? FH says, well i didnt think we were invited- we didnt get an invite..*** says, WELL YOU ARE MY BOYS AND I DIDNT THINK I NEEDED TO SEND YOU ONE....

UMMMM ok...this is odd and I told Fh that I wasnt going to go- he agrees and thinks it is weird....no biggie- we actually have something that day anyway- BUT still weird IMO

THEN- he tells me that he is STILL going to the bachelor party- limo is leaving at 10pm and they have it for 8 hours...which leaves him arriving home at 6am!!!!!!!!!

We have to be awake and alert and happy at like 7am- to be ready at 8am to be on LI meeting with vendors at 10am, then 12, then2 and then 4 then go to dinner with the family...and then go see friends...

I was really angry and kind of gave him a hard time because i already rescheduled these appointments for this weekend, they are planned and I DO NOT WANT HIM TO BE TIred, Hungover, miserable and cranky and if he comes home at 6am after a bachelor party which by the way wont be small cause THEY ARE GOING TO THE CITY- clubs whatever- IT will be a TERRIBLE weekend of seeing vendors!

He told me forget it, he wont go
BUT am I being a bad FW??? be honest, i wont be offended

No you are not. You have to speak to him about how you feel. He may not even know that are you not ok with this. I dont blame you for not wanting to go to vendors with someone who is going to have s#* for brains.

I think if you communicate with FI, you can come to some kind of compromise. Maybe he can do something with him before or after the b-party.

He is not even close with this friend...how good of a friend could he be if he didnt get an invite to wedding with an actual invitation, and FH never mentioned inviting him to our wedding?
Yes, they are friends...used to be closer but not so much anymore

Thank goodness someone answered...Thank you!

I need more advice... i dont want to be a bad FW but I really wanted to have a nice weekend and not have him be all BLAH

No I dont think you are!!! Listen.. If hes tired and hung over, thats his own damn fault!!!!! Too bad buddy.. Hes an adult.. he has responsibilities. All I can say if tell your FI to load up on the caffiene that morning because if he wants to party the night before, he had better be up, alert & happy as a piggie in poo poo because he had obligations before his last minute shindig!!!

Whewww... enough said. I hate those damn bachelor parties. My FI has one in Canada in August. Why Canada???.. I have no freaking clue

No worries sweetie. Caffiene will make everything better

Don't think you are being a bad FW at all! This is HIS wedding too, the two of you have your own priorities.
His friends should understand, considering they invited him so last minute.

It is really weird that your FHs friend didn't send you all an invite. Were you supposed to figure out when and where the ceremony and reception were taking place?

That said, I don't think you are being a bad FW. This guy gave you all no notice! You already have plans, and if he goes to the party, you will probably have to reschedule all of your appointments.

Does he have to go for all eight hours? Could he go for a few hours, then take a car home?

i don't think you are being bad- and if you are, then i am bad too because i would feel the same!!

if this guy wanted your fh there so bad he should have invited him sooner!!! jmo

Thats what I am talking about- how important was FH being there to him if he told him 2 days prior???? and no invite to the wedding, just a word of mouth thing like it is a house party, give me a break!

I guess I can rely on the caffeine, but I know it will not be a fun weekend...

he said he wouldnt go- but I want him to make that decision cause he wants to, not because i am giving him a hard time...

I told him i would reschedule appointments, (even though i would be pis*ed off if I had to reschedule 6 appointments,and some of you know the issues i had with that to begin with)

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Posted by marymoon

I agree with you 100%

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agreed again! You are in the right and he will be miserable with no sleep and visiting all these vendors. Good Luck! Let us know what happens.

You're absolutely in the right to feel the way you do!!! I'd be mighty pissed too!!! Considering the way this friend has been so vague about his wedding and your FI found out about the b-party from someone else. I mean, I wouldn't bother going!! And the fact that you have other things to do the next day that have been planned prior to finding all this out, your FI should see what has priority here. I can def understand you being upset!!!! Hopefully your FI will see your point and make the right decision!!

Thanks ladies!

i hope he makes the right decision. but i decided not to push it anymore- I guess i will see when he gets home tonight what he decided

these situations are very very hard. You are completely right, but no matter what now you have to be the bad guy and feel guilty that he did not get to go.

The best thing to do in this situation is compromise, tell him exactly how you feel, and see if he can come home a little bit earlier, and maybe you can reschedule just the first appointment. (so he has a little more time to get peppy for the day).

guys' relationships with each other are so weird, my fh has had friends who do similar things, but for some reason they dont get offended, they still want to go anyway.

i dont live on LI so i cant reschedule first appt- i would have to just cancel- (i could reschedule i guess, but we want to book this weekend/ or at least decide for sure)

since they are taking a limo to the city i doubt he will take his own car and leave early, of course he could do this, but i doubt he would... i dont think i would either

its either a go or dont go... either way i will be upset because if he goes, i know he will be hungover and miserable and if he doesnt go i will feel bad because he didnt cause of me

i think i may just give up the fight and sya do what you want and see what he does, and try my best not to be mad and trust that he will be fine (ha riiiiiiiiight ) for sat morning

thanks again!

Wow....I would be pissed! You are totally right. You have appts for your own wedding and in my opinion should come first. As it is you live in CT so it's not like you are right on the Island where you can go on a week night. You should talk to FH about this. Tell him how you feel without yelling.

Good Luck!!!

I certainly don't think you're being a bad FW, but if I were in your situation, I'd just let him go. Make sure you're both on the same page that Saturday's important and you have a lot to accomplish - and let him do what he wants without guilt.

That's just me - but I'm usually overly accomodating and understanding .

If he really really wants to go why dosent instead of going in the limo drive to the city and meet them at the club? since he will be driving you know he wont drink so no coming home hungover AND he can leave whenever he wants. so he can come home at 1 or 2 am and get some non intoxicated sleep before your big day of appointments.

eta. OOps I just read your last post about how he wouldn't do that. Sorry!!! never mind

I don't think you are being a bad FW at all...I agree with most of the above posts but have to add that you should compromise, somehow.
Not because you are wrong but because he will make you feel like you are wrong...when you are not.

In your situation, it's kinda hard because I would say to tell him to take a cab home earlier so he can at least get some sleep, but since it's so far, I don't think a cab is an option for you.

I would talk to him and say you are not cancelling or rescheduling appointments, he obviously knew about the appts. before he knew about the bachelor party (which BTW I think is so weird and odd of his friend!!!), and you are not going to change anything. You shouldn't have to...you worked so hard to work around your schedules and vendors schedules to set all this up....express the importance of this to you and have him make his decision. If you are open, honest and serious when you talk to him, he may decide on his own that he won't go.

If all else fails and he goes, have him make his own damn coffee in the morning and tell him to put a smile on his face...he knew about this!

Hope it all works out for you...keep us posted!

no way... not at all.

let me tell you, i know what's like not being able to 'pop' over at certain vendors and having to do it all in one day. i would tell FH that he had to be awake and happy for those appointments.

if he goes... you might as well cancel the appts. because HE WILL be tired...who wouldn't be?