Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

Lady12 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 04:59 PM

Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I have been trying not to let this bother me by I just cannot help it and I need to vent. During my bridal shower on saturday a couple of people left early, and by early I mean I was there 30 mins to an hour when they started leaving. But what bothered me the most was two of those people were BMs! I was there a little over an hour before they left. This was on saturday and the more I think about it the more it bothers me! They went a little early to help set up, but the point of it is to spend time with me.

One had an exam for an afternoon class she has on sundays, and the other said she had to leave early because she had to catch her bus to jersey. For any occassion I would find that a valid excuse, but not for my bridal shower! You knew this was happening for months and couldnt plan ahead? The one that lives in jersey stays in the city much later than that when we hang out and my other friend lives ten minutes away, walking, from where my bridal shower was held and you couldnt study during the day? (bridal shower was in the evening). They both used each other as an excuse to leave. This is why I wanted only my sisters as bridemaids, because I know they would never do that to me. I mean a lot to them , and I thought I did to my friends as well. My sister had to be up by 6 am to go to work the next day and she was there until the end and my other sister is in graduate school and has to finish her thesis is two weeks and she was here for the weekend. I would never do that to them! One of them already announced to me that she will not be attending my bachelerotte party because she has an exam and I asked her if she could at least make an appearance and she said no. I love this BM so much because she has been there for me some many times with wedding things, but I just feel like these are the 2 biggest events besides the wedding and she is failing me somewhat? am I being a bridezilla? My other BM is another story, I love her but she is really not pulling her weight.

sorry so long... vent over.

DaniandKen2010 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 05:22 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I understand why you are upset but at least they came for a little while and helped set up. it doesn't mean they don't love you it just means they have other things in their lives to concentrate on as well.

AwaitingAugust Posted: Apr 20, 2010 05:23 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

i don't think you can be upset with the NJ BM (unless there was another bus she could have taken that wasn't super-late) ....

however, the BM who 'had to study' didn't have a good enough excuse, IMO. As you said, she should have studied during the day, or previously in the week!

so you're being a half-bridezilla, i guess

sorry you have to deal with that

Chrissy283 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 05:25 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

Girl believe me i know exactly what your going through i am going through a similar situation with my BM's and MOH and its gotten so bad that i been getting anxiety attack and now i am on Medication to calm me down they are constantly fighting with each other they aren't there for me when i ask just a simple task like lets go and get there shoes or pick out there flowers i mean i choose these girls cause i love them and all they are making me do is regret having them there i have a big wedding party there are 6 of them excluding the MOH and Junior BM so i understand what you are going through and i don't think your being a bridezilla you just want what you imagined since you were a little girl and it is sad when others won't let you have that.... hey i am here if you need to talk to anyone

JLWSJC Posted: Apr 20, 2010 05:32 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

Honestly, I think I'd be diappointed they didn't stay... but I know as a student my schedule gets crazy right about now when I finally realize all of the things I should have been doing all semester and I need every minute I can get to finish everything and make sure i'm prepared for exams.

They came. They were there. They could have just not come. I'd try to be understanding about it. This is way more important to you than it is to them and that's just how it is. I don't think it's indicative of how much they care about you.

netsirk10 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 05:44 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

i would probably be upset as well but i think they had valid excuses. i mean, they did take the time to help set up and be a part of your shower. this time of the year gets kind of crazy, especially for a student so i think you should cut them some slack. they could have not shown up at all, but they did. unless something like this happens again, i think you should just try to move past it.

lbkate Posted: Apr 20, 2010 06:00 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I know somtimes BM's can do things that may make us upset, but something we have to remember always, is that this isn't as big of a deal to them as it is to you!

Im sure they don't have even the slightest inkling that them leaving early would cause you to become upset. if they did, Im sure they would have stayed.

I am also coming to the realization that my BM's who are married seem to be alot better with knowing what to do. I guess since they were in our shoes before, they know how to act, or hot button issues.

Don't let it bother you. They did come after all. I am in a wedding in October and three BM's aren't going to be making the shower...

bubberflys Posted: Apr 20, 2010 06:26 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I agree with at least they came and even offered time to help set up.

I would be upset too if they had to leave early, but i'm also assuming this is something where the shower was a surprise so they couldn't give you a heads up in advance.

Sometimes peoples schedules don't work out no matter how many dates people put forth for picking for an event but a date eventually needs to be picked regardless of who's available, which in this case coincided with an exam.

If you find out later on that they really left early for something different, or that the one from NJ really had another bus to take that was reasonable, then yes, you have every right to be mad!

SoontobeGallagher Posted: Apr 20, 2010 06:30 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I would be upset too. I had to ask one of my BMs to step down because she was giving me the run around with the bach party and she was being a pain in the butt to my other BMs. She made it known that she had no interest in being in my wedding so I asked her not to be. It was for the better.

laurenandmike618 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 06:37 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

most my BMs left a little early... one had to see her cousin in the city for something, others are PhD students and had exams coming up so honestly i didn't give it much though.

SummerBride10 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 08:02 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

Honestly, I'd be upset too if my BMs had left that early.

doreen82 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 08:08 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

i would be upset too...my BM from FLorida came just for the day and stayed the whole time...and left afterwards....it was such a surprise...i didnt even know she was going to come!!! I understand why your upset....they shoud of planned ahead for your day!! Im sorry...

Rosie0613 Posted: Apr 20, 2010 08:14 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I would be upset too especially with leaving that early. I wouldn't have been upset if they at least stayed for half the time.

JAAMS Posted: Apr 20, 2010 10:51 PM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

Hmm, I have to say that I am always slightly skeptical of the school excuse. I think I've just heard it so many times that I'm so sick of it. I go to school too, but I don't abandon my friends for it.

Lady12 Posted: Apr 21, 2010 12:02 AM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I guess I will get over it...but honestly my heart sank when I saw them putting on their coats and heading to the door. It was a surprise shower and I was still getting over the surprise and the happy tears. Maybe I expect too much from people.

Lady12 Posted: Apr 21, 2010 12:25 AM

Re: Am I being selfish? Long BM vent...re: Bridal Shower

I think I will have to talk to them because I feel weird about it. I will just have to figure out how and be nice about it, because I have 4 weeks left to the weddign and I dont want to loose a bridesmaid.