Am I being selfish??? (Long Vent!)

I responded to a similar post yesterday... I had an argument with my DH last night about this. He just didn't see it from my point of view, so that's why I want to ask you if I'm being unreasonable? From what my DH told me, my Baby Shower is 11/23. At that time I will be 32 weeks & 4 days PG. Now, what's bothering me, my mom, and my sister is that since my DH and I live in NC and it's being held on LI, that we'll have to drive up there which is 9-10 hours. We all feel that my MIL is not being considerate of our well-being. It's really close to my due date, the weather, etc. What if something goes wrong, what if the roads are bad? Now, the shower could of been held earlier, like in October, but no one bothered to talk to us about it. We told plenty of people that we should have it earlier, but that didn't seem to matter. So now, it's on the 11/23 because there is a Retirement party the night before so that makes it convenient for his family. They'll all be in town. Now, I understand that, but who's the one who's PG? My mom tried to set something up a while ago so we could have it earlier so it's not in the winter, but my MIL couldn't be there so no one got back in touch with my mom with names and addresses. It just seems that no one seems to care what's convenient for us, just them. My DH just got all mad and says I'm just complaining to him... which I wasn't! I was just trying to explain how I felt, and see how he felt. Of course he feels we'll be fine, etc., and says what do you want me to do about it, we won't go! They are doing this for you, you know! Now, that's not being fair. I am just trying to look out for myself and the baby! Am I being selfish, or does it seem like everyone else comes first??? Sorry this is so long...

Doesn't the doctor usually recommend that when you are that far along, you don't travel more than an hour away from the hospital in case you go into labor early?
I understand why you are upset. It seems as if nobody is concerned about you but more concerned about what is best for them.
Could it be bumped up a few weeks earlier?

Melissa, I understand your frustration about all of this. Traveling is never comfortable, although you seem to have been feeling pretty good during your pregnancy and with enough breaks, and rest stops, you should be totally fine.

I don't think you are being selfish. But without getting heavily into what is going on with my shower situation ( ), I would say you are super lucky to have his family AND yours willing to do whatever it takes to make sure to honor you and baby on a special day. Seriously. It will be all worth it when you are on your way back with lots of great memories (and tons of stuff you need!!!) All the better that there is a retirement party the day before. The entire family will get to be there, and you'll be showered with tons of love and affection for you and your itty bitty.

Try to see it from both sides. I know the feeling where nobody else seems to know or remember the discomforts of pregnancy. It's frustrating. And if the weather is bad..of you course, you be the judge, but it should be totally fine.

Good luck.

I would be concerned because 9-10 hours drive is alot. I guess you really can't do anything about it, so don't stress over it.

I SPENT HALF THE DAY IN THE HOSPITAL AT 32 WEEKS WITH CONTRACTIONS.....'NOUF SAID.

You are NOT being selfish.

I don't think you are being selfish at all, Melissa. You might not want to travel 9-10 hours (plus rest stops to walk around a bit!) at that stage of your pregnancy.

However, I think it's very early to be saying you won't feel up to going. Also, it can be very cold in NY in late November, but we usually don't get snow THAT early....so, my hunch is the roads won't really present too much of an issue for your plans.

That said, I think you should be as frank with your MIL as possible, and just tell her...'I am so grateful that this shower was planned for me, and that so many of DH's relatives are planning to stay in town longer to attend, but I want you to know that I will have to see how I feel that week. There's a chance that DH will be making the trip himself...I hope that won't happen, but I have to see how I feel.'

JMO, Melissa...HTH!

I don't think 32 weeks is too late to have a shower, but to have to drive 10 hours at 32 weeks would have been difficult for me. that being said, i think when you live far away you need to make concessions about family events. It would not be fair to ask your husband's family to travel 2X in less than a month or so and have to pay for hotels, etc.. Chances are many would not have come to your shower and you would have probably been upset over that.

I agree with Claud- if you are NOT up to going to the shower for whatever reason then you cannot attend. But you might feel great and be happy to see your family one last time before the baby arrives.

I don't think you're being selfish at all.

I only know if it were me, I would NOT go. But maybe I'm selfish - I don't know, but I wouldn't put myself through 9-10 hours of driving at 32 weeks. I think it's too much, especially in the winter.

Whatever you decide, just make sure you are comfortable with your decision. Good Luck